Kadaj: Experiments Reloaded
by princess454
Summary: [Advent Children] Kadaj knows he isn’t going insane. Yet he wonders. Why did once dreaming of a better new life suddenly turn into a desperate struggle for survival? [Better Sum. Inside] Sequel to Kadaj: Emo Chronicles!
1. Chapter 1

Summary Continued: When we last left off, Kadaj and Keely were embarking on a whole new chapter of their lives. Before, Kadaj was left scared and confused many times, and his life continued on in the same direction as he couldn't choose which way to go. Due to certain events, he finally decided to join Keely, her sisters, and his own brothers into a whole new step in making their lives what they've always wanted. They say...Shin-Ra can give it to them. And so Kadaj unknowingly set his life before the hands of the before thought "evil" corporation. Without a thought of regret he handed over Mother and with renewed determination he decided that what he most wanted in the world was to be with his friends and family...but normal. With guaranteed nods of approval, the Shin-Ra agents Keely and her sisters temporarily worked with told them that in exchange for their trade they would set work on the family immediately. They said they'd keep their end of the deal.

Where things were once rocky, and the truth yet still uncovered, now there seems to be a mutual understanding between Keely and Kadaj. They agreed there was no turning back. Being suddenly forced into this whole new world of science and testing, Kadaj has his doubts, but everything he feels he doubts as well. They say...they say he can't trust himself in these stages...but he knows there's something up. Something here...is definitely _wrong_. Kadaj knows he isn't going insane. Yet he wonders...why did once dreaming of a better new life suddenly turn into a desperate struggle for _survival_...?

--

Kadaj: Experiments Reloaded

The Sequel to Kadaj: Emo Chronicles

A Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Fan-Fiction

By Princess454

(Things are only going to get more Emo from here...)

--

**Kadaj:**

I swung my legs over the medical bed, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. The familiar beeps and sounds from monitors around the room didn't bother me anymore. They were, as I just said, familiar.

The moment I passed by a certain section of the wall, a whoosh sound could be heard and I jumped. Yet...I still wasn't used to _that_.

"Today's breakfast: Bagel with cream cheese," A female voice erupted around the room.

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled, picking up the bagel and tossing it once before taking a bite out of it. "Why can't I have bacon for a change?"

"Ba-con...isn't healthy," The voice replied.

"You say that everyday," I muttered, swiping my bangs from my eyes. I walked over to the closet and changed into clothes for school.

"Good bye Kadaj."

"Later," I said, pressing a red button for the room to shut off. The sliding door opened with a whoosh sound, much like the bagel coming down the food chute. I hoisted my backpack over my shoulder and began walking down the busy hallway of the sleep-in ward.

"For the last time! Why can't I have _chocolate_ nut crunch bars? It's the same thing!" I heard a familiar voice shouting above the usual hubbub of chatter in the hallway.

I had arrived at the intersection of the female sleep-in ward, and already heard Keely complaining about something else.

"You _must_ have berry. It's just better for your diet," A nervous looking doctor was telling a steaming Keely.

I came up to them, and upon seeing me Keely just thrust the crunch bar at the doctor and began walking away, taking my arm for me to follow.

"What's wrong with the food this time?" I wondered casually, taking another bite of my bagel.

Keely growled. "Those stupid doctors. I usually _like _berry nut crunch bars, but I'm _this_ close to blowing one of those doctor's head off!" Keely replied angrily.

"If you usually like them, why are you complaining?" I wondered.

Keely gave me a pist-off glare. I understood immediately. She was getting close to her period, and was acting nasty again. "Here, if it makes you feel any better," I handed her the rest of my bagel. I wasn't much in the mood for it anyway.

Keely sighed, taking it. "Thanks," She mumbled, sadly ripping off a piece. "What does a girl have to do around here to get a decent piece of chocolate or something, huh?"

"If I told you, I'd probably get a warning ticket for using naughty language again," Another voice joined us, and I turned to see Keely's older sister Lucy. I stared at her, and not because she was strikingly attractive (well...that too) but also because her hair had changed.

"Lucy!" I exclaimed, and I guess she noticed it was her hair I was making a fuss about. She giggled, twirling about and fluffing up her short hair.

"Wonderful, isn't it? Oh, I've been waiting _forever_," Lucy said happily.

Keely stared in awe at her. "Oh, Lucy," Keely said in wonder. "It's beautiful." She reached up to touch a lock of Lucy's shiny new black hair.

"I know!" Lucy laughed, then she smiled gently at Keely. "Don't worry Hun. Your time will come." Lucy patted Keely's still silver head and walked off, saying something about not wanting to be late for work.

Keely pulled at a strand of her own hair, looking at it disgustedly. "Stupid, silver hair. Why won't you go away?" She sighed.

"I've grown quite used to it. Why do you mind it so much? It's just hair," I replied.

"It's not just hair Kadaj; It's a _mark_," Keely spat as if in having silver hair, she was ugly and putrid, not worthy of being viewed by anyone else. I didn't think so. Keely, like her sisters, was still as attractive as always; with or without silver hair.

However I didn't tell her that. Unlike before, certain compliments I wasn't allowed to give out. Keely and I aren't really back together again. Since joining the Shin-Ra science department, we've never really talked about our relationship or even about how it was back then. At first I understood; Keely and I were quite busy getting acquainted to the place, and getting set up. During the first week we hardly even saw each other. But now, things have gotten to a fairly normal everyday kind of pace, and we always walked to school and back together. We hung out during school too, just like before.

But during those times, it never really occurred to me we weren't dating. It just felt good _being_ with her; considering what could have happened. I didn't care that we were just friends. She seemed happy too, and I wasn't going to press her. Things were fine the way they were.

We walked out of the front doors and took to walking down the long path that lead all the way to the very front gates. It was at least a ten minute walk; Mako reactors surrounded the place and it took awhile by foot to reach the city.

"They should have little carts or something," Keely suggested, looking around. I usually didn't look around, it wasn't really a pretty sight to see. I looked ahead and nodded, though I didn't exactly hear what she said. My mind was always wandering off in the morning.

"They can't make everyone who works and lives at the headquarters walk all this way, _every day,_" Keely complained, swinging her backpack impatiently.

"Uh huh...," I said, just to let her know I was listening, even though I wasn't. When Keely was in this time of the month, she usually ranted on more than usual. Some days, everything was perfect. On days like this, she questioned and complained about _everything_. Like her, it wasn't my favorite time of the month either.

"My stupid math teacher is going to ask once again for an excuse on why I didn't do the assignment. What do I tell her?" Keely wailed, tugging on her side bangs in distress. She turned her glowing green eyes towards me. "Well?"

I yawned. "Um...your dog ate it?" I tried.

"I don't _have _a dog. All I have are annoying doctors telling me to sleep at a certain time even though I didn't finish homework, and a pathetic friend who can't come up with anything better to say other than 'My dog ate it'," Keely snapped.

I laughed. "Thank you," I replied and she rolled her eyes.

"Thank _you_, Kadaj. You're a lot of help."

"That's why I'm here," I replied, and tugged on one of her long pigtails playfully.

"Ow! Hey," Keely yelped and punched me on the arm.

"Hmm, no more dumb excuses for you. Come up with your own," I replied, rubbing the spot she punched.

"Mine would probably be better anyway," She huffed.

"Probably would." I smiled at her and she rolled her eyes again. We finally got to the gates and started walking to school.

♡♡

After school, Keely didn't show up at our usual meeting spot. I didn't carry a cell phone, so I couldn't reach her. I figured she was probably in detention for that math assignment. I waited twenty minutes more, and could have waited longer if the weather wasn't looking so bad. I decided to return to headquarters without her and hoped she didn't get _too_ mad.

After school is when I'm most busy at the department. I don't even have time to finish homework, and it's put as the very last thing on my list. That explains why Keely and I usually get late assignments.

I have a whole range of different doctors and professors assigned just for me. The first session is with my health and physical doctors. This is the session I hate most, and dread every time I come back from school.

My health doctors are always asking me weird questions about me, and mainly about what I ate and should eat. The doctors are real nuts about food around here. Maybe it was just around me, since I used to have a pretty serious eating disorder.

It depends on the day, but those doctors are always making me feel uncomfortable. They ask me things and lecture me and it feels like being in science class all over again but ten times worse; sometimes I seriously have no idea what they're rambling on about.

After they fuss over me, they hand me over to my therapist. I quite like him. It's sometimes weird when we talk about silly things; like, he primarily asks me about my dreams and stuff. It seems whatever I tell him, he always has something to write down on his clipboard. But he's not fussy like the other doctors, and he doesn't make me feel too uncomfortable. And I can deal with his wacky questions at times. But the thing is with the folks around here is that they ask _too _many questions. I'm wondering, well, they're studying me aren't they? Or, whatever their doing. I don't quite understand it yet. But shouldn't they get the clue by now that I don't know anything? Anything related to their "studies" anyway.

All I know is that they are trying to make me better. Normal. Like they promised they would. At first I didn't know how having all these exams and tests, and eating certain stuff they gave me would change anything. I've also been through a few operations already. I was pretty sure whatever they were doing...it wasn't working. I was still the same. I still am in fact, except I don't quite have the same outlook on life as I used to before I came here. I don't question things too much anymore; and my doubts are very mild.

For the first time, I'm actually sure about stuff. That's what I think has changed. That and my health; they say I've improved. I don't much care but I feel proud anyway.

Anyhow, I know things gotta be working. Lucy just left with her hair all colored; and she says her eyes will be ready in about a week. Things gotta be working then...right?

But no more questions. There wasn't any use for them...I didn't have any answers. I walked in to my therapist's office after the other doctors dismissed me.

"Hello again Kadaj," He greeted.

"What's up, Doc," I replied, then took my seat on the client couch. It was very comfortable, and sometimes I just wanted to sleep right then and there.

"Have you been taking your pills, Kadaj?" My therapist asked me. He asked me this everyday.

"Of course," I replied as usual.

"Good." He shuffled through papers and dug out his clip board. "Do you have any particular thing in your mind today, Kadaj? Anything you wanna talk about?" He asked.

"Not particularly. I've just been wondering about the food here...," I reflected, remembering at least one of Keely's rants.

"The...food?" My therapist inquired, pushing his glasses up farther on his nose.

"Yeah. How come I can't eat what I want to eat?" I wondered.

"There's a simple answer to that. The things you might want to eat just aren't healthy for you," He replied.

"But what about once in awhile? Surely that wouldn't do any harm. Like, my best friend Keely, she gets kinda mean this time of the month, and she really wishes for chocolate. Her doctor wouldn't give her any though, not even a little bit to calm her down," I explained.

"Well, why don't you buy her chocolates from a store outside of the headquarters?" My therapist suggested. This was what I liked about him. He sometimes let me get away with things.

I sat up. "That's a good idea!" I exclaimed. But I couldn't leave the headquarters now that I had come in. I should do it tomorrow.

My therapist laughed. "Of course. Buying gifts for friends is always a splendid idea. We encourage things like that here," He replied.

"Yeah," I nodded, "Yeah. So, is that all for today?"

"Not quite. You know me; lets discuss your dreams young man," My therapist said.

"They're not that interesting anymore, really," I protested, but I went on to tell him about the one I had last night.

"Such exquisite detail; it's a wonder how you remember all this. Usually people forget what they dream about," My therapist said for about the tenth time. He usually said this.

"I'm just...special I guess," I murmured.

"Yes, that you are. You're _very_ special Kadaj."

♡♡

I didn't talk to Keely yesterday, after my therapy session or any time after that. I figured she came back while I was in a session, and wasn't allowed to leave her ward. The next morning though I came up to her like always.

"Good morning Keely," I greeted her.

She spun around and smiled at me. "Oh, hey Kadaj. Good morning."

"Where were you yesterday after school? I waited for you," I told her worriedly.

She shook her head. "I got detention for that assignment I told you about. Can you believe it?" She said.

"I guess you didn't come up with a good excuse after all," I teased, and she gave me a wry smile.

"Yeah, yeah," She mumbled.

We walked to school and I secretly didn't tell Keely anything about the chocolates. I thought it would be a good surprise.

After school, I lied and told her I had to return something to the public library.

"Alright, I'll see you at the headquarters then," Keely told me, waving.

I waved and headed off to the nearest candy store. I got kinda nervous and dug in my pocket for my pills. They usually calmed me down. I popped them in my mouth and swallowed them; almost instantly feeling more relaxed.

I picked out the chocolates I thought Keely would like and bought them. I almost rushed home after that. Though, I was going to wait for much later to give them to her.

You see, Keely and I have this secret tradition no one knows about, not even my therapist. Keely made me swear not to tell anyone or else we'd get in trouble. After dinner, boys weren't allowed in the girl ward, or vice versa. It was your traditional 'strict' place rule.

Hardly a month into the experiment, and Keely found a secret way through the halls so we could meet after hours. Now, this wasn't for something extreme or anything; during our first weeks there Keely and I just had trouble sleeping. At first it was hard getting used to place, and if you've ever been there, you'd know why.

We'd meet up and talk so we would get tired. Sometimes we didn't even talk; we just slept there, because that's where we were used to sleeping. It was an underground room that just served as a passageway towards more underground rooms; such as boilers and stuff.

You got there by going down one of the janitor holes. Janitor holes were circular shafts in the ground that enabled janitors to go underground or to other floors. Only they had the keys to open them, however Keely found a rugged one that was always loose. It lead straight down towards our secret passageway.

I was headed there now, Keely's chocolates under my arm. I had to turn off my room so the voice in it wouldn't set off the alarm or something; I wasn't even sure she could do such a thing, but I figured this place was fancy like that.

The hallway was empty. I ran silently down it until I came to the intersection hallways, where the wards were uni-sex. I didn't see Keely so she was either early or late. I had told her earlier to come by our secret room.

I opened the Janitor hole slightly; enough so I could slip in. Once I rested my feet on the pair of stairs below, I let go of the door gently. I climbed down in darkness until I could jump off into the floor. Dim lights filled here, so you could at least see a few infront of you. Normally Keely and I had flashlights but I forgot in my haste.

I found her sitting atop a big metal pipe, only half of her face un shadowed. The lights under here gave off the type of eerie light you'd usually find coming from the moon. Therefore I usually reflected these lights as "moonlight."

So, bathed in the moonlight, Keely looked mysterious _and_ stunning. I hurriedly popped more pills in my mouth.

"Kadaj," Keely said once she heard me walking towards her. She shined a flash light at my face just to be sure. "Why the sudden meeting?"

"I have a present for you," I told her, and handed over the chocolates.

She took them and gasped lightly. "Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Keely ripped open the package and automatically popped one in her mouth, a pleasured moan escaping her lips. "Thank you!" She added again with her mouth full.

I laughed. "No problem," I replied.

Swallowing, Keely said, "You don't know how much I've been craving chocolate. How can I repay you? What do I owe you?"

"You don't owe me anything. It's a gift from me," I told her.

"Oh. Well, I'll give you something anyway," Keely replied and hugged me hard.

I stumbled back, laughing. "Keely, it's alright. They're just chocolates."

"Nuh uh! They're _good_ chocolates. And they're a mark," She explained.

I turned to her head on my shoulder puzzled. "Mark?" I questioned.

"Yep," Keely gave me a final squeeze and backed away to smile at me. "A mark of our friendship, no?" She proposed, and handed me a chocolate. Keely then laughed evilly and dug in to another one of hers again.

"Yeah," I replied chuckling, eating the chocolate. I'd feel guilty about it afterwards, seeing as how I wasn't allowed to have chocolate. But what was the harm? So Keely and I stayed up in our secret passageway...and we ate our secret chocolate.


	2. Chapter 2

**Keely: **

Finally, the days seemed a little brighter, and everything just wasn't so..._annoying_. Hmm...must have been the chocolate Kadaj gave me. He's so sweet, I almost feel bad being friends with him. I've thought and thought about it, but I can't come up with one thing I could give him. I'm supposed to _know_ him, aren't I? We're best friends. He knows me so well, and here I am busting my brain out trying to come up with a thank you present.

But Kadaj is different than most teens, you know? A good present for him would be just to hang out with him. He gives such little things a much deeper meaning. Besides, he never really talks about he wants. Hardly ever. He's always just _giving_...not receiving. You wouldn't know it by a first look at him; but he's the kindest guy I know. A little sensitive, but hey. Who said that was a turn off? I completely adore that about him.

Due to the sugar rush, we stayed up pretty late last night in our secret passageway. I was mostly the one talking; I had the most chocolate. Kadaj was just relaxed and calm, as usual. He may not talk much but at least he listens. I still can't believe he gave me those chocolates, I couldn't thank him enough. They made me feel so much better in this horrible time of the month...ugh.

I talk to him a lot to keep his mind busy. I get worried about him sometimes, seeing as how he barely sees his brothers anymore, and I'm his only close friend. He never mentions much about them, so I'm not sure if he misses them or not...but I'm sure he does. Those three were all so close!

When I visit Yazmin and Lucy, I always ask Yazoo things about Kadaj. That's who we mostly talk about. Due to work and now almost graduating, Yazoo has been very busy. Most of the things he gets done for his procedure are done at home so he doesn't have to come to headquarters as often. Same goes for my sisters.

I ask Kadaj if he wants to visit his brothers, and he does occasionally. But not always. It's then that I wonder why but I never pressure him on anything. If he doesn't tell me firsthand, then usually it means he doesn't want to tell me period. And I respect what he wants; after all, who am I to force him on something he doesn't want to do? I'm_ so_ not going through that again.

I'm sidetracking to a place I vowed not to go so I'll continue on the whole brother thing.

Ever since we first started we've all six been very together and for the most part, happy. Like Kadaj I didn't see my sisters as much either, but I didn't really mind. They were all heading to their own paths, and doing their own stuff. Yazmin wasn't too much older than me but she still _felt _older. Her and Yazoo are still living together, it's almost as if they're _married_.

I hate her sometimes.

She's super smart and good looking. Her boyfriend is totally _gorgeous_; and the best male cook I've ever seen. Sometimes my little teenage girl heart flutters without my permission when he comes to pick me up for dinner at my sisters' house. He doesn't exactly have a _car_...

He owns a motorcycle. Swoon, much?

Yet it totally feels wrong when I get temporary mild crush on him. I mean, I think of him as my _uncle_. Totally gross. Yet, he's young enough that I could date him if I wanted too.

I wonder how Yazmin would react. I can just imagine her face! Haha. Well, then again, what about poor Kadaj...?

How convenient to talk about Yazoo as I already spotted his wondrous motorcycle making its way towards the headquarters gates. A few times a week I eat dinner with them, and we catch up on things about school and the experiment, since we all have pretty much different life schedules now.

I ran away from my stupid sessions to finish some much needed done homework. I've been getting detention quite a lot now. When I told Kadaj I was going to wait for his brother outside, he freaked out when he heard I skipped sessions for the day.

I wondered why he was so uptight, but he just made me swear I'd take my pills then. I usually did, unless they made me feel sick, like they sometimes do. But out of the sake of poor Kadaj I promised I would and even took an extra dose before I got ready. He cares about me so much...and here I am going on about how funny it would be if I dated his _brother_...

"Keely," Yazoo suddenly called out. He had parked the motorcycle right in front of me as I dawdled on with my thoughts. "Ready to go?"

I blinked and shook my head. "Oh, um, yeah..." I buttoned up my jacket and walked over to the motorcycle, ready to get on.

Yazoo handed me Yazmin's helmet to use, and after I was set to go we started off. I love motorcycles so much! Sometimes I wished I had my own, but its always better when you have a guy that owns one, know what I'm saying? Oh, wouldn't it be great if Kadaj had one?

Not that I'd probably be allowed to use it, much less go _with_ him. I didn't deserve it.

I frowned slightly and didn't admire the passing sights of the city as Yazoo drove both us to the house. Sometimes I wished things were back to how they used to be...minus, of course, Kadaj following his dad and stuff. But I just hated myself so much for what I did, I didn't dare bring up even the _subject_ with him. After all, he was like super sensitive.

But then again if it weren't for what my sisters and I did...we wouldn't be here today, getting our wishes granted on ever being able to live a normal life again in the future. Right?

The motorcycle slowed down to a stop and I looked up. We were at my old house, and I could already see someone through the window. I also could smell dinner.

Yazoo helped me off then got out himself. He pulled his helmet off and swished his hair back. Ah...too sexy! I looked towards the house, and pretended to sniff.

"I can smell dinner already. Do you know if it's anything good?" I asked smiling.

Yazoo laughed. "Of course I'd know. I made it," He patted my head and ushered me inside.

When I walked in, my sisters greeted me instantly. They rushed at me, kissing and hugging me.

"Wow, hey. I saw you like, what? A few days ago?" I pointed out laughing.

"Hey, not me! I was busy with exams all month. Ugh...," Yazmin complained, placing an arm around me.

"Yeah, I kinda did see you awhile ago. But hey, what can we say? We love our little sister," Lucy added, pinching my cheek painfully.

"Ow!" I yelped, and swung at her, but she dodged me laughing.

Yazoo was laughing at all of us and made his way into the kitchen to check on dinner. Lucy went ahead and finished putting up the table.

Yazmin grinned at me and I looked at her scared. "What?" I wondered.

"Notice anything different?"

I squinted my eyes and looked her up and down. "No...," I replied.

"What!" Yazmin leaned in closer and pulled at one of her braids. I inspected it and smiled.

"Oh, I see it. Yeah, I'm seeing some color! It's so pale though," I noted.

"What can I say? I'm gonna be a blonde!" Yazmin proclaimed shrugging her shoulders.

I laughed and saw Yazoo come up behind Yazmin, placing an arm around her waist and giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "I love blondes," He told her.

"Oh, shut up," Yazmin replied grinning. She took the platter Yazoo was holding and put it on the table.

I smiled, happy for them. My eyes then wandered over the living room I used to see every day, when I lived here. The same living room I'd hang out with Kadaj in almost every day as well...

"So, Keely, how come Kadaj didn't come?" Yazoo asked me, almost reading my mind.

"Oh, um...," I frowned and looked up at him. "He said he didn't want too." I shrugged.

Yazoo frowned too. I thought I noticed sadness in his eyes. "Oh. You should find out why next time," Yazoo suggested, giving me a faint smile. I nodded, reassuring him.

"Dinner's ready!" Lucy called out and I turned away from Yazoo, heading over to the table.

Hopefully some food would get my mind off Kadaj.

♡♡

I sighed, sliding my I.D. card through the door scanner. After it scanned my card and knew it was me, my room door opened and I walked inside.

"Welcome Keely."

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled. At first that room voice was nifty. Now it's just plain annoying. As soon as I walked in I walked over to the phone and dialed Kadaj's room number. I waited and waited but he didn't pick up.

"Fine," I muttered angrily to myself, slamming the phone down. I rubbed my forehead, wondering why he didn't want to talk to me. Why he wouldn't see his brother. Wondering what he did while I wasn't here...

I paced in my room, back and forth, for a few minutes. I tried to think of something to do, since I was so restless. It was times like this I wished I was still in love with Kadaj. I wished we were dating again. I could have called him up and we could have made out the whole night; that would sure spend the energy out of me.

But I wasn't in love with him; and he didn't love me either. I didn't deserve his love. Yazoo, and Loz, deserved his love.

I picked up a hairbrush and sat infront of my mirror, scowling at myself. Scowling at my pale face. My pink pouted lips. My hideous green eyes stared back at me, and I almost wanted to turn away. I wanted to break the mirror. I brushed my hair faster and faster, until I began almost ripping the hairs out. I threw the brush aside and cried out in anguish.

"Stupid, hideous hair," I snarled, pounding the mirror with my fist. I then leaned my forehead against the cool mirror, staring at my ugly eyes. My cat like pupils widened slightly from emotion and I felt like stabbing at them; widening them, so they looked like everyone else's.

"I bet Kadaj would like me then. If I had brilliant blue eyes. Sky blue. And if my hair was a gorgeous black, like Lucy's. Or a cute blonde like Yazmin's. Anything; anything but _silver_," I spat to myself.

I tied my ugly hair back, so the length of it didn't itch my back. Maybe I should consider a haircut as well. Having ugly hair was already bad; having lots of it was even worse. As I stared at myself in the mirror again, my eyes pumped with color. Tears swelled up and trickled down my cheeks, getting my pale freckles and skin wet.

_Why am I crying_? I thought. _I'm in this stupid medical ward so I can get _cured_. So I can be normal_...

But I wasn't crying over my miserable features. I was crying because it didn't mean anything if I even _got _cured. Kadaj still wouldn't love me. I didn't deserve him; so I was here for nothing.

Nothing...

I concluded that I had to calm down. I was just in a funk because I was so jealous of Yazmin and Yazoo. Yeah, that's it. I'm jealous of what they have, and how what _I _had got taken away from me.

I took two doses of my pills and immediately felt better. I sighed with exhaustion, but I was still crying silently. I put on pajamas; I lay on my bed for sleep. But I continued crying. This wasn't the first time; I wept a lot. Everyday I tried convincing myself I didn't love him...but I knew I did. That's why I was here. He's the only thing I think about; talk about, _every day_.

I've been keeping it from my therapist, because I didn't want her thinking we were a couple. I'm not sure if they encouraged things like that here. I also didn't want to re-tell my pathetic, miserable story again. I already thought about it enough times in a day.

I'm just good at hiding it.

♡♡

I figured the one thing I _could _do for Kadaj as a friend, was to get him trusting his brothers again. I thought he always _did _trust them, but for some reason, I knew for sure they were definitely drifting apart. I didn't want to see that happen.

I didn't want _me _to be his only companion. His pathetic, worthless, ex-girlfriend.

I talked to him about at lunch the next day at school. "So, how come you didn't come to dinner with me last night? Yazoo really wanted you there. He misses you," I told him. Kadaj stared at his sandwich and didn't reply for awhile. "Kadaj?"

He shook his head. "I just wasn't in the mood...," He murmured.

I raised an eyebrow. "Please. That couldn't be it; why won't you tell me the truth?" I asked gently.

Kadaj still looked down. "Yazoo...really missed me?" He finally asked. I nodded, giving him a bright smile.

"He was sad and I could _tell_ he missed you. Besides, what's with this? I thought you and him were on a truce now."

"I'm not sure. I haven't really spoken to him...since the day we...," Kadaj murmured, trailing off. I knew he meant the day we took Jenova from him and his dad. It was still a touchy subject with him.

"Oh...well, why don't you come with me tomorrow night? Clear things up. I hate going alone...Lucy's not always there, and then it's me stuck with the lovebirds," I joked, rolling my eyes.

"Then why would Yazoo need me?" Kadaj grumbled.

I frowned. "Because...," I started. Didn't he understand it would be different then? "You and Yazoo would hang out...and catch up. And, well, I don't know, whatever guys talk about...," I pointed out.

"He wouldn't have anything to talk to me about." Kadaj stood up and made to leave. I stood up too. I wasn't going to let him get away that easily.

"Kadaj, come on! You're being such a baby about this," I cried impatiently. "Just have dinner with us. It's better than having dinner by yourself at the headquarters. At least you'll be with your brother again," I explained. He didn't budge so I added, "And with me."

He didn't give in, but he did stop. "I just don't see why I'm needed there. That's all," Kadaj replied.

"You're not needed," I told him softly. "You're _wanted_."

Kadaj looked up at me for a brief second, then lowered his eyes. Then it hit me. He never looked me straight in the face. Either he was looking around, or especially downward, but never at me. Not how he used too.

I tried to get him to look at me. "So," I said, leaning down and looking up. He raised his head and looked sideways. I panicked a little; why didn't he look at me? How come I never noticed this?

"Are...are you going?" I finally asked, biting my lip, this new realization distracting my prior thoughts.

"I'll think about it." Kadaj then walked away.

I sighed impatiently. Maybe I should have asked him if he wanted to see Loz first, but we always saw Loz. Yazoo was different.

♡♡

Yazmin stopped by my room after she had her check up. Since Kadaj's brothers and my sisters didn't do the procedure here, they came by a few times a week to go through the sessions Kadaj and I normally went through everyday.

"Anyone here?" Yazmin called out, and peeked her head in. It was a Saturday, so I had slept in. I had a headache and groaned my presence in the room.

"Here."

Yazmin smiled at took a seat next to my bed. "You were supposed to have dinner over again Friday night. How come you didn't show? Most importantly, how come you didn't say anything ahead of time?" Yazmin wondered.

I sat up, rubbing the sleep in my eyes. I thought I could deal with Yazmin. But then I saw that her hair had grown blonder; I growled quietly and lay back down. Was it a curse or something that I was the one who was taking so long to recover? _I_ was the one who wanted to get cured most.

"Kadaj didn't want to go, so I didn't feel like going," I replied tiredly.

"But you always came without him before. What's up?" Yazmin wondered worriedly.

"I _want_ him to come," I pointed out obviously.

Yazmin gave me a knowing smirk. "Do you like him again? Is that what's bugging you?"

Yes.

"No," I replied, giving her a glare. "It's not for me that I want him there. It's for Yazoo," I explained.

"Oh...," Yazmin rubbed her arm thoughtfully. "I know what you mean. He's been really down lately. He truly thinks Kadaj hates him now," Yazmin explained.

"But...he can't!" I replied angrily. "Kadaj _can't_ hate him. They were once so close. And now that things are finally coming back together again...I-I just can't believe Kadaj won't just visit..."

Yazmin swiped my side bangs away from my eyes so I could see her more clearly. "Why don't you bring Kadaj tonight?" She suggested.

"As if I didn't try," I retorted.

"Try harder. You still gotta have some Keely charm in you, I know it," Yazmin said, giving me a wink.

"Keely charm? Are you even_ kidding_ me?" I replied, looking at her as if had grown two heads.

Yazmin laughed. "You know what I mean. You never let things get in the way of what you want. You've gone all out to even be in here, having this experiment done on you. Why are you stopping now?"

Eh. I hated it when she was right.

"Fine. I'll try again. Can I get some more sleep now?" I pleaded, and she nodded laughing.

"I better see you tonight," She reminded, walking out the door.

I rolled over, still tired. But now that Yazmin got me fully awake I thought I'd better start on convincing Kadaj. I picked up my phone and dialed his room number. This time he answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Professor Headwarth. We got reports from your recent testing, and we're unfortunate to inform you, that we'll have to have surgery on you to remove your-,"

"Keely, I know it's you."

I laughed. "Well, duh," I replied. "Who else but me calls you?"

Kadaj chuckled. "Well, what did you want?"

"Look...," I started, thinking I should just get to the point. But then I resolved to do it in person; it was more effective. "Meet me by the soda machines in the food ward?" I proposed.

"Sure," Kadaj replied. "Now?"

"Yeah. Bye." I hung up and hurriedly got dressed. I left my room and walked to the food ward. I did it slowly, so I didn't seem in a hurry. I knew Kadaj hated the feeling of being late, and _I _was usually the late one.

I saw him already leaning against the wall, right next to one of the soda machines. I skipped over to him and said hi.

"So, what is it that you want? You usually aren't up this early," He pointed out.

I hid my embarrassment of finding out he actually knew around what time I woke up. "Yazmin...came by my room," I explained sheepishly. He nodded. I tried to find a good way to start because I really wanted him to consider this...and Yazmin was counting on me. Not to mention Yazoo, even though he didn't know it yet. I felt Kadaj's eyes on me while I thought and my earlier fear that he never looks at me faded away a bit. Why was I being so paranoid? _Of course_ he looks at me. He just wasn't that one time because he got mad. I looked up to meet his stare. He looked away.

Then again, maybe not...

"Look, I really want you to have dinner with my sisters and I. _And _Yazoo," I said.

"This again?" Kadaj grumbled, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. "I already told you. I don't feel like it."

"You think you're going to get this...I don't know, lecture or something. You still think Yazoo has it out for you. He doesn't. He _wants _you to come, and you're going to go," I told him sternly. "Why can't you just do that?"

"I can't explain it. I'm not afraid of some lecture; we're all in this experiment together already. There's nothing to fight over," Kadaj explained.

I gave him a 'Then what's the problem?' kinda look. However, he didn't really notice it and kept looking sideways. I even turned a little to that direction, thinking there was something interesting to see over there.

"Fine. I'll go." Kadaj ran a hand through his hair.

"Really? Good. It's not that hard to do something for your family once in awhile, you know," I told him. "Like you said. We're all in this together."

"I know, I know," He mumbled. "But I'm not going for Yazoo. I'm still not sure about him yet."

"Ok?" I replied. "Then why are you going?"

"Because I feel like it."

♡♡

I waited for Kadaj by the front doors outside. The sky was getting dark, and the weather cold. I shivered in my jacket, wishing I had a warmer one. I told Lucy to tell Yazmin that Kadaj and I were going to walk over to their house, seeing as how Yazoo obviously couldn't take the both of us on his motorcycle.

Kadaj arrived a few minutes later then what I had planned, looking flustered. "Sorry I'm late," He apologized right away. Told you he hated being late.

I just gave him a small smile to know it was alright. I wanted to start walking already; it was so damn cold.

We walked to the gates like we always do when going to school, but of course this it was different seeing as how it was night time. The dark shapes rising above the ground looked scary, even though I knew they were the reactors.

I was glad when we were finally out of headquarter territory and on the city street. Our whole way there we didn't talk much, but I didn't feel like it either. Kadaj never feels like talking so there wasn't a surprise there.

Lucy was getting in her car when we arrived. "Lucy?" I called out. "How come you're leaving?"

She greeted us, but then shut her car door. I walked around her car to talk through the window.

"Going to eat out on a date. It's just going to be Yazmin and Yazoo," She said.

"Ok," I replied and said goodbye before she left. Kadaj was waiting by the porch steps, obviously not wanting to go in alone. "Come on," I told him, and opened the door.

Yazmin was setting up the table and smiled brightly when she saw us come in. "Hey you two!" She greeted. She gave me a quick hug and took Kadaj's arm, leading him to the table. "Just in time," Yazmin said. "Dinner's already done."

Kadaj thanked her quietly and took a seat. I sat next to him, grinning like an idiot because I was so glad I finally convinced him to come. I awaited anxiously for Yazoo's face when he saw him.

"Honey, bring it in already!" Yazmin called out to Yazoo in the kitchen. I laughed; I wasn't used to the whole 'honey' thing. I'm telling you, it's almost as if they're married.

Kadaj didn't look all that great. It seemed he wished he were anywhere else but here. I felt a tad bad I made him come, but I didn't exactly _make_ him; he decided on his own.

"You ok?" I asked him, just to be sure.

He nodded at me, smiling weakly. "Just hungry," He replied, staring at the center of the table. I frustratingly noted that he yet ceased to look me in the eye. I can't believe I never noticed...!

Yazoo came in with the food and put it on the table. "Here we are," He announced, then he noticed Kadaj. "If it isn't little brother!" He exclaimed with a grin.

Kadaj kept the weak smile from earlier and looked up at Kadaj. "Hey Yazoo."

I smiled as Yazoo made his way around the table just to ruffle Kadaj's hair. "Long time no see. Is my cooking really _that_ bad?"

Kadaj chuckled and shook his head. "Nah. I just finally got the time to come," He explained.

I didn't mind that Kadaj was lying, but he was just trying to keep the peace. And it _was_ peaceful, throughout the rest of dinner. I wanted to stay more but Kadaj and I had to walk back, and it was getting late. Yet, I was glad all in all that Kadaj finally came and saw for himself how much his brother missed him. Hopefully Kadaj saw for himself too, how much _he _missed Yazoo.

But almost as soon as we left the house, Kadaj fell into a melancholy again and resumed silent as we walked back. I was still in the social mood and decided to lift up some conversation out of him.

"So, did you like dinner?" I asked.

"Yeah," He replied.

I laughed. "Good thing I made you consider coming, huh?" I said.

"Yep," He replied again, without much enthusiasm.

I stopped walking and when he didn't I called his name for him to stop. He did but didn't turn around. "What's up with you?" I demanded. I saw him dig in his pockets for more of his pills. I smirked when I saw that he ran out, and he seemed to flip. "What's the matter? Lost your pills?" I inquired.

"Shut up," Kadaj replied sternly, and I frowned. He didn't usually mean that when he said it.

"I was kidding, Kadaj, lighten up. Or do you need your _pills_ to do that too?" I asked sarcastically. I knew I was being a bitch but I couldn't help it. I was fed up with how miserable he was acting, and fed up on him never looking me in the eye anymore. It somehow hurt me inside and I didn't like it.

"Can we just go now? I'm tired," Kadaj replied instead. He turned around, looking downward.

"Why are you so unhappy all the time?" I wondered. He shrugged.

"How come you're acting as if you didn't like seeing Yazoo again, huh? Why can't you just admit it?" I demanded impatiently.

"Why are you asking me so many questions?" He snarled.

"Because you don't talk to me anymore," I replied angrily. "And...you don't even look at me any more either. You always look away when I talk to you. Have I done something wrong here? Did I miss something?" I wondered, stepping closer to him.

Kadaj just slightly shook his head. "Why, huh? Why do you do that?" I asked again. "It hurts me you know."

Kadaj chuckled. "Hurt. You don't even know what that _means_," He hissed. I took a step back in surprise. Is he really...is he really going to start talking about...?

"Oh, yeah? Well I'm sorry to burst your bubble Mr. Sensitive but I have feelings too you know," I told him. "Surprise, surprise, huh?"

"Keep your feelings. Because you wanna know why I never look at you?" He finally did look at me as he said this. But it wasn't the kind of look I wanted. He glared at me and this time it was _my_ turn to look away.

"Why then?" I finally replied, trying not to sound hurt.

"Because I'm scared of falling in love with you again," He said. And with that he walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kadaj**:

_A paper cut;_

_While slicing lemons._

_A wave that slaps me;_

_Saltwater in my eyes._

_On a swing; flying_

_Until you push me off. _

_And make me fall. _

I leaned against a wall out front at school, and was engrossed in another poem. I distractedly popped another pill in my mouth; maybe the peaceful state of mind it brought me would bring more inspiration along too.

However I got interrupted as someone sat down next to me. I turned and saw Yazmin, sighing, flipping a braid back. "Hey, you. What are you doing?"

I looked at her. Her hair had definitely turned blonder; her eyes were lighter, possibly a light blue. She was gradually, finally, transforming. She had a radiant smile that shone along with her skin, which by the way wasn't as pale as before the experiment.

"Writing poetry," I finally told her, and she gave me a shy smile.

"That's nice. I've been told of your wonderful poetry. What are you writing about now?" She wondered. I concluded that Yazmin was off her library job already and she had spotted me. I looked back at my poem. Keely was written all over it.

"Coffee," I lied, looking out in the distance. Well, it could have been coffee too. I've been recently addicted to it, and it hasn't been on my side lately. Kinda like Keely. I jotted some notes down.

"Coffee? That's original," Yazmin chuckled softly. Without warning she lay down her head on my lap, closing her eyes pleasantly. "I'm so happy," She finally murmured.

"How come?" I inquired, wondering why she lay on my lap.

"I finally finished college applications. And I'm off my stupid library job." Yazmin smiled with her eyes still closed, looking as if she's sleeping and having a wonderful dream.

"Congratulations," I told her and she yawned.

"Keely though isn't happy. She wouldn't tell me why. Are you guys fighting?" Yazmin wondered now with a frown.

I sighed. "Honestly, I don't know...," I confessed. I noticed Keely has been acting strange, and it was so out of the blue. Had I done something? I couldn't remember. I looked back and couldn't think of a thing. "Whenever I try talking to her she mumbles an excuse and runs away."

Yazmin's frown deepened. "Doesn't sound like her..." She said. I agreed. Keely wasn't one to run away from problems. She sometimes brought them along, but faced them anyway. For some reason I've been writing more and more angst ridden love poems, but I didn't get why. I thought it was because I didn't like Keely mad at me for something I didn't know. But I kept writing them anyway because I was good at it.

"If you could talk it out of her, I would appreciate it. I don't like her mad at me," I told Yazmin.

"It might not be that, but if she's ignoring you _too_...maybe. Plus she doesn't really tell me things anymore," Yazmin replied, getting up from me. I sighed with relief, and just incase, got up from the ground. "Where you going?"

"Back to the headquarters. My doctors are waiting for me," I said, and waving to Yazmin I strolled away. When I got inside headquarters, I headed straight to my therapist. I didn't care about the other doctors.

"Kadaj? Aren't you a little early?" He asked me. I took a seat on the client couch anyway, and didn't reply. "Well then...it seems something is bothering you."

"Yes, there is. Why are girls so confusing?"

"Are we talking about a _specific_ girl, or...?"

"Yeah, Keely. You know, my _once_ best friend. Now she's ignoring me. You know, it wasn't that long ago that I gave her those chocolates, so now I have no idea what's wrong," I explained desperately.

"Why don't you think back on your actions? You must have done something to offend her."

"I've tried. I don't remember anything. Which is something I've been meaning to talk to you about too; sometimes I blank out on stuff, and well, it just doesn't feel right," I started. "I mean, sometimes it would only happen the day before. Something a normal person would remember. And these blank outs are getting more specific..."

My therapist frowned at his clip board. "Have you been taking your pills?" He asks. How come he always asks me that?

"_Yes_," I replied. "And I think they're the reason. Keely doesn't always take hers because they give her nasty side effects, so she seems fine. But I overdose on mine. Is that why I'm getting memory blanks?" I asked.

My therapist didn't reply write away; he wrote some stuff down. "No, I don't think so. Keep taking the pills Kadaj. No matter what you do," He finally said sternly.

I swallowed, wondering what that meant. I left a little after, but something different happened. When I told my therapist the dream I had last night, which was about nothing, he smiled. I've never really seen him _really_ smile. Then he told me I was improving. The one difference in my dream was that Father wasn't in it. By this one dream, that he wasn't in, did it mean I was getting better? I just don't get it.

When I got back to my room, I took a seat on my bed. On the bedside table were my pill containers.

_I know I shouldn't do this, I know I shouldn't do this_..., I thought.

But I took them in my hands anyway. I went to the bathroom, and poured all the remaining pills in the toilet, flushing them down.

♡♡

I had the worst dream last night. And I think it was because of not having my pills. But, I had resolved to do a little experimenting of my own. I wanted to find out what would happen if I didn't overdose on my pills so much. Everyone else was getting cured _so much faster _and here I was overdosing by the minute, but _still the same_.

A little change couldn't hurt. Could it?

For the first time I didn't remember my dream. All I remember were flashes of light; that's it. An echo of voices. Nothing much else. When I woke up I wasn't hungry. I panicked a little; ever since I came here, I've been getting hungry at different intervals...you know, like a normal person.

Before I was never hungry. Was I going back to who I was?

But I just scolded myself in being so paranoid. This was just the effect of going against my addiction, that's all. I tried focusing my mind out of those pills the whole day. I called Keely, and surprisingly, she picked up the phone. However her voice sounded different.

"Hello?" She said into the phone, her tone a mix of exhaustion and seeming as if she either had a bad cold or she'd been crying.

"Keely," I said back immediately. "I'm going to stop taking my pills. But you need to tell me what happens to you when _you_ don't take them," I told her.

There was a small silence, but then she finally replied, "Well, I stop getting nasty headaches. My senses turn a little sharper and I'm never tired or hungry. Sometimes I get stronger too, but I think that's just my paranoia."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "Alright. Well, just wanting to know. If you see me about to take my pills though, _don't_ let me. I have to figure something out," I ordered her.

"Ok," Keely replied a little puzzled. "Why are you talking to me anyway?" She asked, and I got taken back.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you hated me." At this I heard a sniffle.

"_What_? Keely, I don't hate you. Not at all. What gave you that idea?" I wondered confused.

"You," She replied angrily. "You practically said so to my face the other night."

I tried remembering; all I got from the result was a mild headache. "I can't remember, but I assure you, I don't hate you," I told her. I might have just slipped out something unimportant, and her being a girl, took it too seriously. They always have to add drama.

"Alright...well, I needed to tell you something anyway but forgot," Keely said and sounded more or less back to normal. "Cloud called Yazoo, he's having a Christmas party soon. We're invited too."

Christmas? I had noticed it was getting colder, but practically never knew the date. I couldn't believe Christmas was around the corner already. "Cool. We're going, right?" I asked.

"Yeah. If you want too."

"Of course. I know it'll cheer up you, right?" I said, knowing Keely always loved a party of whatever kind. I heard her chuckle lightly, and I told her I'd meet up with her later.

When I put the phone back into its receiver, the headache I was getting grew much worse. "Ugh," I grunted, placing a hand to the side of my head and closing my eyes as the room seemed to spin. When I opened my eyes again it was still dizzy making, my headache now worse. I felt around for a chair, but before I made it my head suddenly seared with pain and I dropped on all fours.

"What's...wrong?" I muttered through gritted teeth. My fists were clenched; I could feel myself sweat. But I wasn't in my room anymore. As the pain continued, I saw a different scene in my mind. Places, people, and voices whizzed by and didn't stop long enough for me to concentrate.

I caught vague words; different voices said them. I could see faces speaking them; a pair of lips, but then suddenly the image of a forest, then a pair of flashing eyes. The pain was unbearable and instead of focusing on this stupid flash back I tried with all my might to come back into reality. I closed my eyes tight and held on to my head. The only thing I heard myself say was that I needed those pills, they were the cause of this, without them I'm going insane...

But then it all stopped. I heard something in my mind say "Come back...come back...," And it wasn't my voice. It kept repeating until it gradually faded and I heard it no more.

I stared at the wall opposite of me; breathing hard, wondering what the hell just happened. It had to be a side effect. But did I have to deal with this until I finally broke down and took pills again?

I looked down and saw a flash of red; my fingers had blood on them. I hurriedly got up and saw that I had dug my nails a little too deep in my head, causing blood.

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror more, then finally reached out to a towel. I washed my hands and my head the best I could, and fortunately it wasn't bleeding anymore. I was so calm, the opposite of what just happened minutes ago, that I scared myself.

_Should I leave this room?_ I thought. _Would I have a random mental break down in public_? I thought again desperately. I didn't want people seeing that. They'd think I was crazy or something, but really it was just a side effect. It had to be.

An hour or so later, I finally left. I found Keely drinking a cup of coffee in the food ward. Even though I wasn't hungry, I got a bagel anyway to look as if I was. "Hey," I greeted Keely and sat opposite of her.

"Hi," She replied giving me a small smile. "You're usually up earlier than this when we don't have school. What's up?" She asked worriedly.

I stared at my bagel and was wondering myself. "I don't know. Besides, I could have sworn I'd forget we had holiday vacation and show up at school anyway," I replied, and Keely laughed.

"Yeah, that sounds like you," She smirked.

"Keely," I suddenly said after a moment of silence, looking up at her.

"Yeah?" She replied, finishing her coffee.

"Have you been taking your pills?" I wondered.

"Yeah, occasionally. Why?" She asks, getting up to throw her cup away. I get up with her and we start walking down the department's hallways.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to try not taking them too. You and I seem to be the only ones not getting cured enough; you know, like our hair and eyes and stuff?" I explained.

Keely looked like she was thinking for awhile. "I guess it wouldn't hurt. I'm tired of waiting for results; everyday it's the same thing. It's as if they aren't doing anything," She replies. "I got sent for shots yesterday too, and nothing still."

"Yeah. So, will you try it?" I asked hopeful. I didn't want to be the only one. I wanted to see if Keely got scary flash backs too.

"Sure," She replied, smiling at me. I smiled back. I could always count on Keely for helping me out.

"Thanks," I said, taking hold of her hand for a second and giving it a squeeze. I let go and started turning a different direction. "I'll see you later. I have to do something real quick," I told her.

Keely was standing there, blushing for some reason. She looked at me and blinked. "What? Oh. What do you have to do?"

"I just have to talk to my therapist about something. He helps me a lot," I explained, and waving to her I jogged down the remainder of the hallway, turning finally to my therapist's office.

I knocked, catching a breath from running and waiting till he opened the door. After a few minutes he opened it, looking at me puzzled. "Kadaj?" He questioned, "Something the matter?"

"No, not really. I just wanted to tell you I'll be busy for the rest of my holiday vacation," I told him firmly. I wasn't going to tell him why, or what I was doing. That was my business, and I didn't want these fussy doctors to know. I might be part of an experiment here, but they didn't own me.

"Really? How come?" He asked, like I knew he would. "Will you take your pills?" He added, like I knew he would too.

"Well, I want to take a break from the lab, you know, spend some family time," I lied. "And of course I'll bring my pills," I lied again. My therapist smiled at me and nodded.

"You'll have to check back often though, throughout your vacation. That way we can make sure you're in tip top shape."

Tip top shape for _what_?

"Um, I'll try," I finally replied, shifting my feet. I might even tell my therapist my problem if I can't seem to find help from anybody else.

♡♡

When I got to Cloud's house, I carried a bag with me. In it was everyone's gifts. I wore thin jeans, my usual boots, but instead of a shirt I also wore a jacket. I've never really minded the cold, and I especially didn't mind it now. Keely was right. Since giving up the pills, my senses turned sharper, and I felt somewhat..._better_. Even when I didn't eat much, I was very strong. I didn't mind these changes. Before, I always had headaches, felt groggy, and was mellow. That's how I remember myself anyway. I liked the way I was now, and to tell you the truth, I think I've gotten more of my sense back. For some reason, as I left the headquarters, I felt free. And for the first time, I didn't want to go back. Yet I'll explain my plans to Cloud and the others later.

I wore the jacket so I wouldn't catch a cold, yet doubted I would. Now I was never sick. The price of this better self of mine though was brief scary flashbacks, though they aren't that frequent. Each time I feel one coming, I'll try and concentrate on them, but it's very hard. I still don't know what they mean, and they often scare me.

I have more luck with my nightmares. I get them every night, which I'm afraid might be a problem while staying at Cloud's house over vacation. I didn't want everyone worrying about me. I planned to solve out my nightmares too, which were slower than my flashbacks, yet just as confusing.

This all I had to do on my own. No friends, no scientists. I wanted to figure it out by myself. I wanted to know _why _not taking these pills was in turn making me _better_, when taking the pills themselves was supposed to.

I wanted to know _why _I got scary flashbacks. Why they hurt so much when I did get them. And why they were coming to me.

I wanted to know _why_ I had sleepless nights, thrilled with nightmares about things I'm pretty sure I wasn't a part of. Even though, in every dream...I was there.

I wanted to know _why _a certain voice in my mind kept telling me to "come back", and what they meant by it. Come back to _what_? I'm pretty sure I've never left anything. Have I?

But it didn't matter. I just wanted to know why.

I made my way to the door, and knocked on it slowly. I heard people talking inside, Christmas music, and vaguely smelled food. When I heard someone coming to open the door I managed to put on my best smile, even though I was frowning inside.

Keely appeared before me, smiling just as brilliantly. She was wearing a cheesy Reindeer sweater, and a cute mini Santa Claus hat. I laughed and she rolled her eyes.

"Mention the hat and I'll kill you," She immediately said.

"Fine. I'll mention the sweater instead," I mused, walking inside. Temperature wasn't a big feeling within me now, but I could vaguely tell inside was much warmer. I took my jacket off and handed Keely my bag of gifts. "I have these, for everyone," I told her.

Keely peeked inside. "Great! I'll put it with the rest," She replied, and walked away. I walked over to where Yazoo, Yazmin, Lucy, Loz, Tifa, and Cloud were all talking and sometimes laughing. Other then them there were other people I didn't know.

"Little bro! You made it. Aren't you cold?" Yazoo asked and even though I shook my head, he shuffled through something on the bar counter top. Out of a bag he pulled out another cheesy Reindeer sweater and my eyes widened in horror. "Merry Christmas!"

Yazoo handed it to me and everyone urged me to put it on. "I...really don't want too...," I said finally, then everyone started protesting.

"I made them myself for everyone!" Yazmin pouted.

"How come _you _guys aren't wearing yours then?" I wondered. Everyone looked around muttering something or other, and finally Loz just stood up and forced the sweater on me.

"Hey!" I cried helplessly but to no avail. I looked down and there was the ugly upside down reindeer. Everyone laughed and told me not to take it off. I sighed, rolling my eyes.

Keely came over and laughed at me. "Nice sweater._ You look so cute_!" She cooed in a baby voice.

"Yeah, I know," I replied. We left the older people to talk amongst themselves and sat down infront of a fireplace. At first we just started talking about dumb things like school, but then I had the sudden urge to tell Keely about my plan.

I took her hand and she turned to me, surprised. "Keely, I have to tell you something," I told her and first gazed at the fire to think about how I would explain it. I turned back to her and she was smiling. Her green eyes were glowing strongly.

"What? What is it?"

"I don't know if you feel the same way...," I started carefully. How would I explain my symptoms to her if maybe she didn't even have them herself? Would she just end up thinking I was crazy?

"Yeah?" Keely urged me to go along, and in turn sat closer to me.

"I want to leave the headquarters," I finally said. "Well, maybe only for a little while. I need to take this break to figure something out, and it won't help when I'm being drugged constantly at the lab," I explained.

Keely stared at me for awhile, her smile long gone. She turned back to the fire, letting go of my hand. "Oh," Was all she replied.

"It's about those pills," I continued, now talking a little lower incase anyone heard us. "There's something fishy about them. And in not taking them, I'm getting some...well, weird side effects..." I ran a hand through my hair, wondering if I should tell her. This _was_ Keely, after all. No matter what was happening to me, whether I was insane or not, she was going to stay with me through it all anyway.

"Kadaj," Keely broke my thoughts, "No matter what's going on with you, the scientist people can probably figure it out. They made the pills, after all."

"I don't think...," I started, but how could I explain something I didn't know? "I don't think I trust them with this. I know I should, but I don't. And I don't know why I don't trust them."

"I know how you feel," Keely whispered, still staring at the fire serenely. "When you told me not to take the pills anymore, I've been having so many...doubts. Questions. Stuff I never minded before, but now I'm just so confused..." Keely shook her head and looked up at me. "We're on vacation. Can we talk about it later?"

I nodded. Suddenly I felt someone behind me and I looked up. Loz was standing there with a grin on his face. "Hey Loz," I said rather suspiciously.

He didn't reply right away. Instead he held out mistletoe over my head and laughed. "Ha, you two have to kiss now," He announced, smirking.

I slapped my forehead and Keely laughed. She got up and chased Loz down around the house, trying to tackle him for the mistletoe but amusingly failing. Finally he just ended up picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, grinning as she yelped and protested.

"I believe this is yours," He told me, setting Keely down next to me again. Her face was flustered and he hair all messed up. If looks could kill, Loz would be no more. I laughed to ease Keely down.

"I'm glad you found her. She always keeps running away," I explained to Loz in a business fashion, making fun of Keely.

"Buy a leash," Loz advised and turned around just as Keely was about to pounce on him again. I laughed and afterwards so did Keely, who gathered up all her hair into a ponytail tiredly.

"I kind of forgot he played football," She confessed, and I laughed again. We got up, and before I could take another step Keely stopped me with her hand. Standing slightly on tip toe she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Merry Christmas!" She exclaimed smiling.

I chuckled, fingering the spot lightly. "Yeah," I replied, giving her a small smile. "Merry Christmas."

♡♡

_Walking forth slowly, I gaze about me at this new surrounding. It amazed me; giving me a sense of magic. This place felt so alive. It felt like home. And Father was awaiting my return here and I know he wanted to tell me something. _

_Leaves crunching beneath my feet, and the only sound other than that were faint gusts of wind rattling the trees. Everything seemed to glow, and I thought this place very beautiful. _

"_I need to bring Keely here," I said to myself. "I need to bring everyone here." _

_Still walking, and so entranced with this forest, I don't realize I have come to a lake. I almost step into the water but back away just in time. It has grown darker. The water glows. Standing on a little island of rock in the middle of the lake was Father. _

"_Kadaj," He says. "Why are you being so stubborn?"_

"_Stubborn?" I repeat, confused. _

"_I bring you here as much as I can. But you can't come here by yourself. Why not? Are you still afraid?"_

"_Afraid of what?" I wonder. _

"_You tell me." Father stood there, and even though he faced me I think his eyes were closed. I tried crossing the lake but the water was painfully cold. _

"_I want to cross this water," I tell him. _

"_Why?"_

"_Because I want to be with you." I squat down, staring at the water. I dip a finger in but pull it back instantly. It's almost as if the water is biting me. I start to cry. "It won't let me." _

"_You're not ready yet."_

"_When will I be ready?"_

"_When you find out your true self. When you find out your powers. When you break free from your prison. When you listen to the voice. Then...you can follow me." _

"_Where will you be?" I wondered, sitting down on the ground and staring angrily at the water. _

"_Here. Waiting."_

"_For me?" I asked, hopeful. _

"_Perhaps. If it is only you that wants to follow."_

_I nod and start getting up. Everything is now so simple. All I have to do is follow the voice. And find out my powers, or whatever. And all the other stuff. It should be easy. Before I completely turn around and start walking away, I look over my shoulder at Father. "Is the voice Mother?" I wonder out of curiosity. _

_Father had turned around too, his back towards me. He was making his way into a cave. "Yes," He replied before completely disappearing. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Keely:**

I fluttered my eyes open. I vaguely heard something in the other side of the room, coming from the other bed. Where Kadaj was. I sat up, yawning and suddenly turned fully awake. Kadaj looked like he was having a bad nightmare. I sat there and watched through the darkness, not being able to see him very well. But I could definitely hear him.

Thrashing about with his arms and legs, grabbing at his head in pain, and his covers flying all over the place. Yells of gibberish but then words I understood but still didn't make any sense. I walked over to his bed, wrapped in my blanket from the cold. He had lay still now, and I slowly placed a hand across his forehead to check for a fever or something. I was no doctor, but it seemed he did, his forehead was burning. His whole face was sweating and I had the sudden urge to help him.

"Don't worry Kadaj, I'll get you some cold water or something," I said softly even though I knew he couldn't hear me. Before I turned around I suddenly gasped, jumping in fright. Kadaj's eyes had flown open, but they weren't his eyes. Well, I mean, it had to be, but something was different. Pulsing, glowing almost white, his eyes stared up at the ceiling.

I was slightly amused even though I knew this wasn't funny. I looked around the room, wondering if I was taking part in a demon possession. _How awesome would that be...? _I thought, chewing my lower lip in excitement. But my stupid imaginations were interrupted as Kadaj started to talk, and I paid attention to him. I totally expected some demon voice speaking in Latin but instead it was just Kadaj.

After his eyes closed again, he muttered some things about going somewhere, and would occasionally yell out for his dad. I heard my name once or twice, then it all ended with him calling out for his mother. _What a baby_, I thought smiling. I thought I had better wake him up before he wet the bed. However, when I was reaching towards his arm to shake him, his eyes had flown open again and he sat up instantly. His eyes were normal, but his breathing wasn't.

"Kadaj?" I wondered. "Are you ok?"

"Don't mind me," He said to me, but I wasn't going to leave so soon. Kadaj felt his head, and would wince occasionally. He was also breathing pretty hard.

"Kadaj," I repeated. "Are you ok?"

"I'm...ok. Now," He told me, breathing hard one last time and trying to calm down. I sat on the edge of his bed and took one of his shaking hands.

"Did you have a bad dream?" I wondered softly. He nodded.

"This one was so..._real_. That's what scared me the most," Kadaj confessed, closing his eyes and placing a hand to his forehead. He had calmed down enough to breathe normally and it seemed his headache wasn't as bad. I didn't want to be too forward by holding his hand, but he seemed to like it, not letting go and occasionally gripping it tight. I only wanted to make him feel better.

"I woke up right when you started yelling something," I explained. "I was afraid to wake you up; it was...really scary. It was like watching _The Exorcist _or something." I gave a quiet chuckle. "Even though that's my favorite movie."

"What did I do?" Kadaj wondered curiously. "I didn't...get up or anything did I?"

"No, you stayed in bed. You thrashed around a lot and yelled. The best part was when sometimes your eyes would fly open and they were all glowing," I told him, smiling.

Kadaj looked embarrassed for a moment. "You should of woken me up," He said finally.

"I was too scared. Does this...happen often?" I asked quietly. He shrugged. "Besides, you started talking in your sleep then. You mentioned your dad or something, then you just kept calling out for your mom."

"My mom?" Kadaj wondered. "I don't have one. I _remember _having one. What happened to her?" Kadaj suddenly looked very confused and lost.

"I don't know," I replied. "But, you sounded like a big baby if you ask me," I laughed. Kadaj didn't crack a smile though. "Hey...," I frowned then, and pushed aside the hair infront of his eyes. "Don't worry about it. Everyone gets nightmares."

"Not these ones." Kadaj sighed and lay back down against his pillows. I lay with him, snuggling against his shoulder as he placed an arm around me. "I"m afraid they're getting more frequent. And I'm running out of time to figure them out," Kadaj said solemnly.

"Running out of time? Until what?" I wondered, rolling my eyes up to him. He was staring at the ceiling though.

"I'm not sure. But if I don't figure it out soon I'm going to go crazy," He murmured, finally closing his eyes. His breathing turned light and I wondered if he was asleep.

"You're not crazy Kadaj. I believe you," I told him, but I think I was talking more to myself. His arm shifted around me and his hand began stroking my hair. I closed my eyes and relished the feeling of his fingers running through my hair; my still silver, and ugly hair, but my hair all the same. Just like he used to.

"Whatever you do...," He suddenly whispered. "Next time, don't wake me up. I have to figure this out."

"Ok," I promised.

♡♡

There were loud footsteps running down the hall, and down the stairs. Excited laughter and chatter filtered through the walls. I gave out a little groan, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes with one hand and wiping the slight drool at the corner of my mouth with the other.

Why was everyone running? Was there a fire? Should I be getting up and freaking out too?

But I was so..._comfortable_. I was laying on my stomach, facing the bleak wall on the far side of the room. But it wasn't what I could see. I was afraid to turn around merely due to the fact that I felt Kadaj's arm around my waist, and his light breathing against my neck. I smiled, stretching my arms out infront of me.

I wondered if he was doing this because he wanted too, or because he wasn't thinking, and was merely asleep. I wondered if he was just playing with my feelings sub-consciously, and I frowned. How can he go from hating me to snuggling against me in a bed in about a week? I've noticed a change in his personality, but they switched often. Almost as if he had two of them.

But I wasn't going to let any of that get me down. What I wanted most right now was him; and if he had finally understood that a few days ago, then that's perfectly fine. Maybe he just finally had to realize it for himself.

I turned over on my side, facing him. His brows furrowed together as I had shifted under his arm, then he finally woke up. His eyes suddenly grew wide and he pulled his arm back, leaning now on his elbows and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I bit down on my bottom lip to keep my laughter in. Had he forgotten I was there?

"Did you get enough sleep last night?" I wondered worriedly. I hadn't slept next to him for a cheap thrill; I wanted to make sure he was alright after his gruesome nightmare. If he had slept alone I was afraid he'd have another one.

Kadaj didn't answer for awhile, staring at the headboard of the bed. "I guess. If you're wondering about my nightmares, no, I didn't get anymore."

"That's good," I replied, yawning.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Wake up sleepy heads," Tifa's voice could be heard. "It's Christmas morning! Everyone's downstairs!"

I blinked. It was Christmas. That was what all the ruckus was about earlier, all the orphans here had gotten excited. I got out of the bed, gathering my hair in my hands and trying to brush my fingers through it quickly, so it would at least look decent. I hadn't intended to spend the night over at Cloud's house, so I was still in the clothes I wore last night. I tied my boots on and got up, heading towards the door.

Kadaj hadn't moved. I looked over at him worriedly. "Kadaj? Aren't you coming?" I wondered.

He rolled over and stretched, his shirt riding up so his pale stomach was visible. I laughed, and then he sat up. "Fine," He replied. I waited until he officially got up, then headed out the door, Kadaj close behind.

When we got downstairs, it was a happy scene of little kids ripping off wrappers to their presents and gleefully looking at what they got. Tifa stood among them, helping them. Cloud and Yazoo were off to the side, drinking coffee and watching as well.

"Hey, guys. Merry Christmas," I greeted, and everyone looked over towards me and Kadaj.

"Hey Keely, Kadaj. You guys going to open your presents?" Yazoo wondered. I laughed, walking past him and towards the Christmas tree.

"I'm dying to see what _you _got me, Yazoo," I replied sarcastically.

"Well then, let's find out," Yazoo said, taking my hand. He lead me the rest of the way towards the tree, and bent down to fish out his gift. He tossed it to me, then tossed one over my shoulder towards Kadaj. "There you go little bro. Didn't forget about you."

I turned towards Kadaj, who was holding the present gently in his hands. He looked up at Yazoo and smiled at him. "Thanks Yazoo," He said quietly, starting to un-tape the gift wrapper carefully.

I giggled, walking over to him. "That's not how you do it, silly. Just rip it." I ripped mine, as if showing him an example. I looked down at my present and whirled around towards Yazoo. "Yazoo! I absolutely love it!" I cried out. It was a very lovely cashmere scarf; so soft it was almost magic. I placed it around my neck and smiled up at him.

Yazoo laughed. "You do look cute in it. Come on, show it off," Yazoo urged, taking my hand and twirling me around. I laughed, letting him spin me around until I faced Kadaj. "Well, little brother? Doesn't she look good?" Yazoo asked him mischievously, a smirk playing his lips.

"Oh! You're so mean," I punched him on the shoulder.

Kadaj was chuckling, and he nodded. "Yeah. Perfect," He said, facing Yazoo's smirk. He looked towards me and gave me a small smile. I smiled at him back, locking eyes for a second.

"Well, Kadaj, I'm done anxiously awaiting. Open yours," Yazoo suddenly urged Kadaj, breaking our eye lock. I turned red and looked up at Yazoo, who was waiting patiently with his arms crossed.

"Oh. Right." Kadaj looked down at his gift and while he started to open it, I wondered if in that moment, Kadaj had been telling me something. Did he possibly, maybe, _hopefully_, like me again? Or was it just Christmas spirit making him more cheery than usual? I couldn't tell. I used to always be able to tell what he was thinking, but now, it was so different. We've both been through some tough times, and it's been...well, so _long _since he had looked at me that way.

I snapped back to life when I heard someone call out my name. I looked up and saw that it was Lucy and Yazmin, standing in front of me with grins on their faces. "Merry Christmas!" They chorused, and I laughed. Along with my other presents, I opened theirs, and loved all of them.

After the whole present thing was over with, Kadaj and I were helping out by putting some of the Christmas decorations down. Tifa and my sisters were in the kitchen, and I had no idea where all the other guys were.

"Did you like this Christmas?" I asked Kadaj, as he stood on a small ladder, handing me lights and decorations one by one.

While handing me a paper Snowman, Kadaj displayed a faint smile. "For my first one, it was the best ever," He replied and I dropped what I had been holding.

"This...this was your _first _Christmas?" I sputtered, bending down quickly to pick up what I had dropped. And I had given him such a stupid present, too! I discreetly kicked myself.

"Yeah," Kadaj said nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal. "But no worries. For a first Christmas, like I said, this one was the best. I loved all my presents. The dinner was also nice, and the tree was-,"

"You mean to tell me this was your _first _Christmas?" I repeated, cutting him off, and still dumfounded.

Kadaj stepped down from the ladder and looked at me confused. "Yes," He replied again. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," I said, looking away. "Except for the fact you are the first kid I've _ever _met who hasn't celebrated _one_ Christmas!"

"You know how messed up my family was back then," Kadaj suddenly murmured, looking down. "Things were...different."

I kicked myself again. How could I have forgotten? Kadaj's past was pretty touchy to him. I still remembered certain things, but ever since joining the Science Department over at the headquarters, I've kind of forgotten some stuff. I know he had too, so I was surprised he mentioned this. It seemed he had forgotten even more than me, but I never thought twice about it. It's just how things were.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "I forgot. I'm also sorry for giving you such a crappy first Christmas present."

Kadaj chuckled. "I love that snow globe. It's very cute," He told me. I blushed; I still thought it was stupid.

Yazmin came over and handed me a cup of water. "Good job, you two. We'll probably force you to shovel out the snow in the front yard next," She said, grinning.

I groaned, taking the water from her and drinking it. "Sure thing, Yazmin," I replied sarcastically.

She laughed. "No problem." Yazmin walked away and I turned back to Kadaj. He suddenly had a serious look on his face, and he was looking down.

"Hey," I said. "Want to go take a walk or something?" I offered, wondering if that would calm things down. Kadaj was being very fickle lately; it was as if he was happy one minute, and miserable the next. But now he suddenly looked up surprised.

"A walk? That's perfect," He suddenly said. "I have something to tell you!"

I chuckled. "You're sure excited," I pointed out, and we headed out of the house into the crisp cold air. We trudged through the snow covered sidewalk for awhile in silence when my curiosity got the better of me. "So?" I wondered. "What was it that you wanted to tell me?"

"First, I...," Kadaj started, and dug in his pants pocket. "I have this for you. You know, for Christmas. I didn't want to give it to you until I told you what I wanted to say," He explained, and handed me a box.

I beamed, my heart fluttering in happiness and nerves. It seemed things really were looking up for us, and I couldn't be happier. I opened the box and took out the most _beautiful_ necklace I've ever seen. "Kadaj! This is wonderful! A little bit cliche, but what the hell," I said laughing, and held it out in front of me. The necklace was gold chain with a wondrous golden heart etched in diamonds. I loved it so much, I couldn't stop staring at it, but then Kadaj stopped walking. I stopped too and looked up at him.

"I'm glad you like it," Kadaj said, with that same serious face. I wondered what was up and waited until he told me. "Now, I have something really important to ask you. This is beyond my little experiment in not taking pills," Kadaj began to explain, his tone completely serious and unchanging. I felt uneasy, wondering what such an important thing was.

"Before you tell me, could you...?" I wondered, holding out my necklace again but towards him. Kadaj got the hint and I turned around for him to place it around my neck.

"Keely, listen. I can't ask this out of anyone else," He told me. After clipping on my necklace he fingered my neck briefly and I spun around.

"What is it?" I asked gently, and looked up at him, waiting. His eyes seemed unusually bright, and not a sound disturbed us.

"You know I've been having those dreams," Kadaj started. I nodded. "That's not the end of it. There's...so much more." He turned around, not looking at me.

I watched his back for awhile before looking down. The way in which the conversation was headed wasn't what I had predicted, but I didn't care. Kadaj had mentioned this was important to him. Maybe...maybe getting together this early wasn't important at the moment. Maybe we weren't ready. I stopped thinking about it, trying to stop my tears from falling, and trying hard to listen to what Kadaj had to say. He set me aside, away from everyone, just so he could tell me this. I could at least listen.

"I'm having other bad side effects from not taking pills. I get nightmarish sort of flashbacks, and they're connected to my dreams. Both of them are telling me the same thing. But I don't know what it is, well, not yet. My flashbacks are too quick and confusing for me to properly put together what's going on. My nightmares are slower, and I'm actually in them, but just as confused as my real self," He started.

When he paused, I looked up at him. "Have you thought about talking to the doctors about it?"I asked.

Kadaj shook his head with a cruel laugh. "No, Keely. They wouldn't be able to help me. They aren't helping at all, all they do is just stand there, giving us shots that don't mean anything, and telling us to take our stupid pills." I frowned, and Kadaj continued. "Anyway, since they aren't of any use, I've decided to go out and find the answers. And I know who has them."

"Who?"

"My father, of course," Kadaj replied, and he was looking at me now with a grin. "I'll look for him. And he'll tell me what's wrong with me, or...or anything else I need to know!"

"Kadaj that's...that's stupid. You know he's gone," I told him sternly, hugging myself from the cold.

"I don't believe he is. No one ever said he was gone, no one knows anything about him. He's still out there," Kadaj protested.

"Exactly. If nobody even knows where he is, how are you going to find him?" I wondered and Kadaj just shook his head.

"Because I know where he is. He's told me so, in my dreams." Kadaj pointed to his head and looked up in thought. "But I can't go alone. I want you to come with me."

I looked at him, shocked. "Kadaj! I can't!" I protested.

He looked at me confused. "Why not? I want you too, Keely. Please," Kadaj looked so adorably sad I couldn't possibly say no again, but...

"Kadaj," I shook my head, turning away. "This whole plan is crazy. You and I both know he's gone. There's no use going back now, you know that. Just tell the doctors your problems and-,"

"No!" Kadaj angrily cut me off. "They won't help me."

"That's the whole reason we came to them in the first place! So they would! And that's what they're doing!" I replied, shaking my head again disbelieving. "Since when do you not trust anyone anymore, Kadaj? It's like you've forgotten why you left your dad in the first place."

"I didn't know they would lie. That they supplied empty promises. Look at you, Keely! All your sisters have gotten cured. You're still the same. And so am I. Can't you see? Can't you see this is some kind of sign? We just weren't meant to change. So we have to go back, because the only one who can help us is Father," Kadaj said.

"I'm sorry, ok? I can't do it. I have the feeling you're making this all up, it just sounds so crazy," I pointed out half heartedly.

Kadaj pursed his lips. "So that's it then? Am I crazy now? Have I gone so completely insane you won't help me? That's what best friends are supposed to do. Help. And I finally got to trusting you again, after what happened. I expected you to help me in this...I expected you to realize how this is the only way we can find out what's wrong with us..." Kadaj shook his head.

"There's nothing wrong with us!" I practically screamed. "Just because you're having some dreams, doesn't mean there's something wrong. It doesn't mean you're crazy either, because you're not. I'm just saying I can't do it because it's not right," I told him.

"Maybe you're getting cured Keely, but I know for a fact I'm not. Something _is _wrong. At least with me," Kadaj muttered, and he started walking back to the house.

"Kadaj, wait!" I called and ran up to him.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm...," I almost felt like crying because I was so close to gaining his trust again. But I just couldn't do what he wanted me to do, and I didn't know how to explain it to him. "I'm sorry. You still...you still trust me though, right? With anything else?" I wondered, biting down on my lower lip.

Kadaj sighed. "I don't know. I really thought you'd help me in this. I have a feeling you're still hiding things from me," He said quietly.

"Hiding? Hiding _what_? There's nothing left to hide, and you know it. I would never lie to you again," I said, a few tears now rolling down my cheeks. I tried wiping them away but Kadaj already noticed them.

"Don't cry. It's alright, ok? Hopefully one day you'll understand. But this time, I'm not going to let you or anyone else stop me for what I want to do." Kadaj softened his gaze a bit when he looked at me, but then he turned around and walked away.

I let him walk, because I had to think by myself. Why had he changed so much? What's with the new crazy plan to do the unthinkable? And he had been so serious too...he _truly_ wanted to find his dad. He was actually...planning to do so. The thought made me shudder, so I decided to get out of the cold and head back to the house myself.

♡♡

Cloud agreed to let my sisters and I, Kadaj and his brothers, and the other guests stay at his house for New Year's. The day after New Year's Kadaj and I were due back at the headquarters. However, Kadaj had been acting more and more serious towards his plan for the past few days...

I'm not sure if he has told anyone else but me. All that he does though is complain and protest that he wasn't going back to headquarters, and that he wasn't going to let anyone take him back. When Yazoo, Loz, or Cloud wondered why, he just told them the same thing he told me. He had to "figure something out", and he couldn't possibly do that there. This left everyone confused. I got the feeling everyone thought he was crazy now, or something. He often talked to himself and stayed away from everyone. He was also getting to be pretty grumpy.

When I was occasionally shunned away by him, I felt very bad and knew immediately that this whole episode of his was all my fault. He didn't want to talk to me or anyone else because obviously he felt that he couldn't trust us; and of course he wasn't stupid. He knew everyone thought he was going insane. He knew that if he further explained why he didn't want to go back...well, they might as well lock him up in a padded room.

Not that I wanted that to happen to him. I was seriously worried though, because I was afraid that in his desperation to seek someone to join him on his plan he would tell some stranger and they'd do something scary. Not that Kadaj ever talked to strangers..._he _was the stranger.

But still, I wasn't having a very good New Year's. My sisters often consoled me and even said I could drink as much as I wanted this year. At least _that _made me laugh.

But I was wondering why he was going through this and I wasn't. I haven't been taking my pills, just like he hasn't. Yet I'm still thinking like I usually do when I'm at headquarters...I feel the same too. Mellow and laid back. When I usually didn't take my pills, I always had such a rush of adrenaline. I felt like a million dollars. Nothing seemed like a challenge, and I had so much confidence. At lab, I was always so self conscious and insecure. I liked the fact that Kadaj liked not taking pills too and that I wasn't the only one.

So why was I so worried, insecure, and nervous now? Shouldn't I be feeling better?

I told this to Yazmin, whom was the closest person I could relate too. Like me, she's being experimented on, still attends school, and has been in love. When I look into her shoes, everything seems perfect. But when we talked...I found out things weren't what they seemed.

"I just feel so shitty about it all," I told her, laying on the sofa on my stomach, burying my face into a couch pillow.

Yazmin came back from the kitchen, holding a warm mug of coffee and blowing the steam off it lightly. "Stop worrying about others so much. You go out of your way to help Kadaj, sometimes...maybe he doesn't want help," Yazmin said, taking a seat across from me in an arm chair.

"I can't help it. It seems he doesn't know what he's talking about, like he can't see how dangerous it is," I protested. I had told Yazmin what Kadaj had told me, and wondered if he'd get mad knowing she knew. Something told me he tried telling his brothers too, but they didn't believe him. I was his only hope.

"You've told me he hasn't been taking his pills. Maybe they're making him...loopy," Yazmin tried, with a half hearted shrug.

"I'm not taking my pills. I'm not turning insane," I pointed out, shaking my head.

"You're...not?" Yazmin wondered, and suddenly sounded sheepish. I looked up at her, and she was tugging on a hair braid nervously. She always does that when she's nervous, bored, or thinking.

"What?" I wondered.

"Sorry, but...I didn't know you didn't want to take them anymore. I've been putting the pills in your water and stuff." Yazmin sighed and finally looked at me. "I'm sorry."

I didn't get mad. I just let out a very exasperated sigh. That explained why I was acting so different. The pills were still in me all along. "No more, ok? I promised Kadaj. I _promised_," I reminded her.

"Why do you two always have to rebel against everything? Just do what you're told for once. Take your pills, and do what the doctors tell you. I've managed to do that, _and _deal with school. Yazoo does that _plus _his job, same with Loz and Lucy. Just because we're older doesn't mean we're going through something different, but we have the sense to do what people tell us," Yazmin explained.

"Well, _sorry_, but Kadaj and I thought something fishy was going on with those pills. Loz and Yazoo haven't changed their hair yet because they chose to keep it, but since you and Lucy wanted to be fully cured, you guys _already_ look different. Kadaj and I are still the same and it's not fair!" I cried angrily, ripping at my hair. Some strands came out and Yazmin slapped my hand away.

"Don't do that!" She scolded. "And don't worry. People are different, it's just taking longer for you guys. If you be patient, things will turn out alright. If you ask me, _not_ taking your pills is slowing down the experiment even more." Yazmin sipped the last remnants of her coffee and I rolled my eyes.

"You're all the same. Telling us what's what, and what to do. You've all changed and think alike, like a bunch of...I don't know, _clones_ or something. Ever since you became a Senior all you've had time for was school and work, and that's turned your mind into some robotic slave...thing!" I said, letting fall the silver strands of hair and watching them disappear while they floated down.

"You know it's hard, Keely. Don't blame it on my mind, it's just how being a Senior is. Lucy was the same, remember?" Yazmin pointed out, not even angered or offended by my comment. She was strangely cool and collected that way. It drove me nuts.

I looked over at her, her worried frown still looking gorgeous along with her newly acquired blonde hair; her light blue eyes with _regular shaped pupils_. Something told me it wasn't just Yazmin's looks that changed. But still, she had a point; Lucy was stress city when she was a Senior, and almost never had time for anything else but school and work. Now with the experiment added, Yazmin's life must be super busy. Yet she always found the time to be...perfect.

"Don't act like you're some tormented soul who never gets what she wants," I couldn't help but spat nastily. "You're getting into a good college, you have good grades, you have a job and a perfect boyfriend. Not only that, but you have time to join all those cooking and book clubs or whatever the fuck you do. I'm here, being forced to live in some laboratory, and looking like a complete outcast from the rest of the world-," I started but suddenly Yazmin placed a hand over her mouth and tears came to her perfect blue eyes.

"Don't say that," She choked out. I clamped my mouth shut but still sort of glared at her. She collected herself and wiped at her eyes. "I'm_ not_ perfect. Yes, I've worked pretty hard and I do deserve to go to that college you know! But it's not like I didn't regret it. Doing all that homework and slaving away at all those Honor classes. I never had time for any fun. And just to let you know, Yazoo _isn't _perfect. He still takes his pills, but...sometimes he gets strange side effects, too. But they're not as severe as to what you say Kadaj has. But it still scares me when he completely changes personalities right infront of my eyes," She told me.

I stiffened. "...What?" I only managed to make out.

Yazmin shook her head and looked away. "Yazoo likes taking pills with water. Awhile ago, I hadn't known he chose to keep his hair and eyes. I thought he wasn't getting cured. I wondered about the pills too, and lied to him, saying that I put it in his water for him when really he was drinking plain old water with nothing in it. But I regret ever doing that because for the next few days he got lots of nightmares, and was always irritable. He started taking pills again and turned back to normal. That's why I'm telling you; the pills help. Otherwise, it's like...I don't know, it just changes the person completely," Yazmin explained in a low voice.

"That...that happened to me once," I replied, barely audible. "Kadaj freaked me out big time. And what you're seeing now is him off the pills; always angry at everyone and alone. Should...should I tell him to take them again?" I wondered, more to myself. I even half forgot Yazmin was there.

"It's probably the best. Kadaj is scaring me too, and I'm worried. Everyone's worried about him. Cloud wants him back in headquarters, but of course we all know he doesn't want to go back," Yazmin said.

I sighed, looking out of the window. Kadaj was gone with his brothers, driving around on their motorcycles. Cloud had a spare one for Kadaj, whom I don't think has ever even ridden one in his life. I watched Cloud and Loz teach him how to drive it, then that's the last I saw of him today.

I told Yazmin I was going to take a nap upstairs, and made my way slowly up the steps. I walked in to the room I was using, and sat on the floor, leaning against the bed. I plucked at a rubber band around my wrist, feeling the numb little pangs of pain as it snapped back against my skin. The sound and feeling helped me think. I decided to not lecture Kadaj out of it. Today was the last day of December, and tomorrow was New Year's. Tomorrow we were due back at the headquarters, and I don't think Kadaj was going to get his way with this one.

If he was evidently going back, there was no reason to make him take his pills. Besides, I couldn't make him do anything. It was strictly against my policy now. I had to get him to trust me again, and it wouldn't help if I was acting like everyone else. I had to believe in him, and help him. I couldn't find out a way though. The only option was joining him in his plan. But I...just couldn't _do_ what he wanted. His dad was scary. His dad was a bad person. This whole time I had thought he was gone too; what was all this sudden mental crap about him being back, anyway? Kadaj had to be making this up. Even if he wasn't _choosing _to make it up.

I couldn't wait until later tonight. I seriously needed a drink.


	5. Chapter 5

**Kadaj:**

I rolled some snow in between my hands, making what people call a "snowball". Once it was finished, I tossed it up a couple of times, and prodded its middle with my finger. I rolled some more snow into it so that the hole I had made was filled in.

Yazoo was kneeling beside his motorcycle, obsessing over either the small, unnoticeable scratches in the chrome, or his hair. Whatever he was doing, he was taking forever, so I threw my snowball at his head.

"Hey!" He yelped, suddenly getting up and spinning around towards me. I glared at him as he crossed his arms over his chest. "What's the big deal?"

"You," I replied coldly. "Can we get a move on, already? It doesn't take three hours to pick up liquor at a store." Everyone had asked Yazoo and I to pick up alcohol based beverages at the store for New Year's. The first half of the trip was fine, but then Yazoo got in a little scurry with his bike and skimmed a car or something. He was taking forever inspecting and re-inspecting his motorcycle for obviously imaginary scratches.

"Alright, alright. Why do you gotta be so crabby all the time, all of a sudden? It's the holidays. Would you just cheer up already?" Yazoo grumbled towards me, getting back on his bike.

I sighed, and returned to the one Cloud let me borrow. I was only acting grumpy because I was anxious and impatient. I felt betrayed too, in a lot of ways, and this I place blame on Keely. I wanted to find Father you see; all of a sudden, I knew he could help me. I laugh in my mind when I think back to those days when I was lost and confused inside my own head; feeling as if some unexplained force was speaking to me.

What nonsense! As if I was going crazy. Everything was so clear, I don't even remember why I felt such feelings before. I'm much better now, and having a goal makes me feel in control and direct. I _will_ find out what Father is trying to tell me. And he'll tell me what's wrong with me too.

Throttling a little bit on my bike, I passed Yazoo and zoomed through the empty streets distractedly. Though the cold breeze burning my ears and tousling my hair felt good yet strange at the same time, my mind was so focused I paid no mind. The lights of people's houses as they partied and celebrated in their homes glittered in the corners of my eyes; but all_ I_ saw was a mission.

My only regret is that Keely would not be joining me. I'm sure Father didn't rid of her for a reason, because if he had his way with things she'd be gone. Sparing her life was a sign; a message that for some reason my once feeble mind overlooked. Yet she's still tied to that leash those doctors forced us in.

If I talked to her again about it, would she understand? Would she instead agree? There was no time to think about it. Tomorrow we were due back at headquarters, and if I wanted my answers, there was no way I was going back.

No way.

♡♡

I spent most of my time at New Year's upstairs, in my room. I planned and re-planned how I'd find Father. You see, I had an obstacle now, and that obstacle was the others. They won't let me stay here forever and want me back at that stupid lab. To not cause suspicions, I have thought about agreeing to go back but running away almost immediately after. However this was risky, in the fact that the doctors might "examine" me once I get there. My plans would then be foiled, for I would be brainwashed. That was no good.

I thought about running away here. Right now. But it didn't feel right and would only cause a much bigger ruckus. Besides, I'd rather have my brothers think I was safe back at the headquarters when really I was on my way to freedom. To my mission.

So I finally decided to run away once I got to headquarters, and I'd try my hardest not to get pulled in to any tubes, shots, pills, or machines. I'd stall as much as I could and make a break for it. My next step was planning on how I'd escape without getting caught, and to not get caught while I was running away. Even if I was miles away from the headquarters they might try looking for me. Hopefully by then I'll be under the protection of Father and perhaps even my own strength. He has said in my dreams I have a power. If I remain stuck here or in a lab, I'll never find out what that power is.

Everyone just has to understand. It's better if I leave. I do wish however I didn't have to go alone; I'll try talking to Keely again as another step. It wasn't more about feelings than it was about knowing I wasn't the only one with problems. Sometimes it's better just having another person sharing certain things with you, and this quest can also help Keely a great deal. I can tell she has a potential for great things, but she hasn't yet realized that yet. If she comes she'll know, and find out. We'll both discover.

Making my way downstairs, the noise of partying and celebration busied my ears. Before stepping down the last stair, I used the height advantage to try and spot Keely's head among the crowd. She wasn't in the building. I knew for a fact there was just as good of a party outside than inside, so I made my way through and embraced the cold night air outside.

Just as I looked around, a firework blasted in the sky; lighting up for a moment the whole world, everything. I spotted Keely immediately, staring up at the sky with an entranced grin on her face. After the firework disappeared, Keely whooped and cheered with everyone else. Taking a hard swig from a bottle in her hand, she began to dance around.

I made my over to her and had to call out her name twice before she even heard me, much less realized who I was. "Kadaj?" She called out over the noise. I nodded and stepped closer because I thought she couldn't see me in the dark. Her grin widened and she gave me a big hug. "Hey! Where have you been?" She wondered breathlessly. Something told me she's been screaming and cheering for awhile now.

"Inside. Busy," I replied nonchalantly.

Keely frowned, her polished brows furrowing confused above her pretty eyes. "What? That's no fun. It's New Year's silly," She pointed out, as if it wasn't obvious. Taking one last sip from her bottle, she thrust it at me. "Come on. You need it."

"That's alright," I told her. One of us being drunk was already bad enough. I figured I'd have to tell Keely my plan again some other time, because right now she obviously couldn't pay attention. However I didn't go back inside or mope off. Keely was going on and on about some guy who had a firecracker land on him or something, but I wasn't paying attention. I noticed instead how happy she was for once, and how recently she's been really stressed. I had been too, but now that I'm clear of what to do, I'm not so much stress but just antsy. Keely however is probably still confused and wondering what is going on, even though I've already told her.

Seeing a true smile on her face, even though she was probably just as drunk as Loz on New Year's, was still a sight to see. Still something that made me feel good whenever I saw it. This of course relates back to past enjoyments, from when we were together. I laughed with her about her story, even though I hadn't heard a word, and just watched as she tossed her bottle in the night abyss, not caring where it landed.

"I gotta go back inside. There's more bottles in there!" Keely cried, and took my hand. She started to run but I stood rooted to the spot and she fell back from the momentum. I caught her in my arms and just shook my head.

"We're not going to get more bottles. I think you've had enough, don't you?" I said, trying to hide my grin. It was easy for it was dark outside.

Keely pouted cutely and looked exquisitely sad. "But!" She protested, but didn't say anything more. I helped her to her feet but she held on to me still. "Let's watch the fireworks some more. It's almost midnight!" She cried excitedly, suddenly forgetting all about the bottles.

I just chuckled and did as I was told, watching the sky and admiring the bright lights. Keely's head rolled onto my shoulder and I didn't mind it all that much. I got the feeling she was pretty wasted from how her head felt kind of heavy, and if I so much as loosened my hold on her she'd fall backward. It was during the countdown that I realized Keely had fallen asleep and I obviously should have seen it coming.

"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!" Shouts rang out among the crowds. I gave Keely a little shake so she'd be awake for the new year, but she only blinked her eyes and mumbled something.

"Happy New Year's," I muttered as everyone else shouted it, and Keely placed her arms around my neck and began to snore lightly. I glanced around and noticed everyone was too busy hugging and kissing to take notice of anything much else. They were all spilling champagne everywhere and cheering. Maybe now was the time.

I picked Keely up and she kept her head against my chest, her arms around my neck balancing her so at least I wouldn't have to carry her around looking as if she was dead, like how the chicks usually looked like when guys picked them up. I was walking away when out of nowhere Yazmin and Yazoo come up to me.

"Hey! Where you going with Keely?" Yazmin wondered loudly over the noise. I smelled alcohol on her and she was grinning too loosely for her to be sober. I could tell right away Yazoo was drunk too.

"We're going back to headquarters. I rather leave now, if that's ok," I explained.

I don't think they even heard me but Yazoo said, "Sure, alright. See you later little bro." And with that they were off. I then began walking away farther, the noise of shouts and cheers gradually fading away.

♡♡

"Ugh. Where am I?" Keely mumbled, placing a hand on her forehead and blinking her eyes open slowly.

"Headquarters. Where else?" I pointed out, sitting by her bed. I was watching her until she'd wake up, since we still were in New Year's vacation and I had nowhere else to go.

"My head hurts," Keely announced groggily, looking up at the ceiling for a bit then finally at me. She looked tired and sad.

"That's what you get for drinking so much last night. It'll go away eventually," I told her gently. Suddenly she took my hand and placed it on her forehead.

"Do I have a fever?" She mumbled, and I shook my head. I slid my hand away from her and lay it on my lap, not taking my eyes off of it. "I feel like shit," She continued.

"I'll leave so you can get more rest." I stood up but Keely sat up almost immediately, protesting.

"No! Please stay. I'm not-I don't usually drink, you know," Keely said. I turned around and stared at her. "I was just so frustrated and confused. It was New Year's, and I was the only one not having a good time." She raised her knees up and rested her arms on them, her eyes scanning something behind me.

"Why were you so frustrated and confused?" I wondered after a brief silence.

"You know why," She muttered.

"I don't. You don't tell me what you feel anymore," I pointed out. I tried to sound casual, because I didn't mind if she didn't talk to me like that. It wasn't something I missed that specifically.

"You know it's not because I don't want too," Keely snapped. "You're just always on edge now. Always looking behind your back like you don't trust anyone. I don't see why I should tell you anything."

I shrugged. "I don't care if you don't tell me anything. I just pointed it out."

Keely growled under her breath and looked at me angrily. "That's what's bugging me the most. _Why_ don't you care anymore?" She wondered.

"Because there are more important matters at the moment. I don't have time to play therapist for you. I have too many things on my mind."

"Like what? Looking for someone who doesn't exist?" Keely hissed and I turned to her. I expected her expression to be mad but she looked worried and sad.

"Don't fall under lies, Keely. If anything, don't do that," I told her.

"I'll believe whatever I want to believe."

"Suit yourself." I made to turn around, eager to leave so I could think to myself on more important things. Keely still didn't understand and I wasn't going to waste my time waiting for her.

"I don't want you to get in trouble, Kadaj," She spoke up. "Don't do this. Please." Keely got up from her bed, wobbled a bit, but stood firmly afterward. "It'll only make things worse, because they'll catch you. They'll catch you and you'll lose everything," She said.

"They won't catch me. No one cares if I leave," I replied.

"Of course people will care. And if they don't catch you, you'll get hurt by your dad. He'll...he'll kill you or something," Keely whispered, her throat straining from trying not to cry.

I chuckled. "Why would he kill me? I'm the only one he's got left. If he didn't want me to follow, he wouldn't of have called," I pointed out.

"No one's calling you Kadaj. It's all in your head."

"Then let it be in my head. I'm still going, I have it all planned out," I pointed towards my head and watched Keely's eyes glisten under the bright lights in the room.

"Take me with you then." She placed both arms around her stomach, as if she was about to throw up. "I'm not staying here alone, having them question me where you are and trapping me. And I can't have you go by yourself, it's too dangerous," Keely continued, not looking at me.

"Good. That way you won't get hurt either, and you'll have no way of telling them where I am," I said, smirking. Keely still looked sad though, her face lowered and her arms still around herself, protectively. What was she so afraid of? I didn't like the way her face was shadowed, as if in doing this, in helping me, was a misery she was going through. I lifted up her chin so the lights brightened up her face. "Don't worry," I said before leaving.

Keely didn't say anything back. I walked down the hallway and found myself in front of my therapist's room a few minutes later.

I walked inside, but he wasn't there. I took a sheet of paper from his desk, and wrote down a letter. I sighed with relief, knowing my therapist would understand. Out of everyone here, _he_ should know my plans. I left and walked towards my room, so I could pace back and forth until night fall came.

♡♡

I spent hours in my room and nobody came for me. I looked over at my clock and had only a little bit left until I had to meet Keely in our secret passageway. From there, we were going to run away. What would happen afterwards has vaguely been planned, but I wasn't going to worry. For now, the main objective was getting out of _here_.

I was worried that in telling my therapist about my plans, I had ruined everything. But it has been a long time, and he's had to have read the letter by now, but still nothing. No security guards busting my door open. No doctors tying me down to a counter and placing shots up my arms.

I officially trusted him.

I checked and re-checked my bag of few belongings. I even walked over to my door, opening it a tad to check the hallways for any late passerby. The whole department was silent. I gulped and tried not to think about what would happen if any Shin-Ra guards caught me. Keely was right. Everything would be over, and would have gone to waste.

Twenty minutes later I was walking down the hallway, opening the janitor hole, and dropping down into the secret underground passageway only Keely and I shared. In the darkness I waited for her, hoping she wasn't going to flake out on me.

She came finally. I heard her boots drop down onto the cement, and walk over to me. Turning on a flashlight abruptly, her lit up face appeared out of nowhere from the darkness. "Sorry I ran a little late," She said softly.

"No worries. We should get going," I replied. I lit up my own flashlight, and waited for her to shift the position of her backpack strap on her shoulder. Her face was still sad and blank, from when I last saw her.

I felt suddenly motivated to accomplish this. Keely was probably still thinking about what a mistake we were doing, but she was only nervous. Once we were out she'd regain confidence. I grabbed hold of her hand and lead ourselves down the passageway, past places we've already explored throughout our days and finally to past where we've stopped, into more hallways we haven't seen.

Behind me Keely would sigh occasionally. But it wasn't a bored kind of sigh, but the kind you let out deep and slow, from after not breathing for so long. "Relax," I told her softly, hoping she'd heard me for I didn't dare speak louder. Though we were underground, the hallways weren't completely soundproof to the surface.

"I'm trying," Keely replied meekly and I felt her fingers tighten around mine. I pulled her alongside me, and instead of holding her hand I let go and rubbed her back a couple of times for her to calm down.

"Don't worry. We'll be free soon. You'll see, and you'll be happy I took you with me," I told her. She didn't reply.

Now I had to start paying attention. I shined the flashlight on passing doorways up above, looking for one that seemed to lead outside. After awhile I found one that I thought I should try just in case.

I helped Keely up first, and she told me we were still inside the headquarters. She couldn't tell where because it was pitch black. I decided to go up too and investigate. We shined our flashlights around, but to no avail. We seemed to be in some important looking room.

I found a door and we went through it. We were in a carpeted hallway that seemed just as important as the room. Not like the hallways in the department we stayed in. Obviously, we were in a different department.

We didn't wait around to find out which one, and began to walk down the hallway quietly until we found a door leading outside. It was better walking through here than the cold and eerie underground passageway.

I stopped in my tracks however once a sound reached my ears. We passed a door where people were talking inside. Keely stopped with me and looked towards the door, hearing it too.

"We aren't getting any signal. I think you're right," Said a voice neither of us recognized.

"Of course. Why would he lie? At this point he is completely engrossed in the thought of...well, you know. Something is going wrong with the procedure. It was supposed to be fail proof," Replied a voice I recognized as my therapist.

What were these two people doing up at this time of night talking? I panicked that they knew what was up. That they knew Keely and I were planning to run away. Of course I remember telling my therapist of my plans, but I never mentioned when. I assume he just guessed I planned it tonight.

"You want us to do something now?" Replied the first voice.

"No, not now. I'll see to it myself. We don't want to scare them," My therapist explained, and Keely and I heard the door knob rattle open. Keely grabbed my hand in fear and I pulled her back with me into the shadows of the corridor we were in. My therapist didn't turn on any lights and merely walked out of the room in complete darkness.

The first man only came forth to close the door. My therapist stood there awhile, lighting a cigarette and smoking quietly for a minute. He seemed to be in deep thought. Keely started to tremble next to me and I hoped she wouldn't give us away.

Finally, my therapist turned on his heels and began walking away slowly. Before pressing a button for the elevator he stood before it, waiting. For what? He was taking forever. It was as if he was expecting something to happen. No way was Keely and I going to come out until he was gone for good.

He pressed the button and dropped his cigarette into a nearby trash can. "Meet me in the first floor." His voice was hoarse in trying to whisper, yet it was so loud. Keely jumped and my skin crawled. Who was he talking too? Had he seen us? Keely looked up at me, her eyes glowing faintly in the dark. Perhaps that was how he knew. I gritted my teeth, for the first time in awhile, cursing my eyes.

My therapist entered the elevator, and before the doors closed he gave us a little wave. The doors shut. I slid down against the wall and thought for a minute.

"Should we follow him? I don't think we should trust him, Kadaj. He works for the headquarters, we may never know if it's a trap," Keely spoke up after awhile.

"So? You worked for Shin-Ra once yourself. Don't tell me who to trust," I replied, trying not to sound nasty. The thing was, I wanted to trust my therapist. He had been good to me my whole time here. Yet...

"I still say we shouldn't do it," Keely said firmly, ignoring my comment. I finally stood up and faced Keely. Her eyes glowed more and the moonlight from outside shone through her hair, making it seem transparent due to its silver pigment. The whole time coming here she had been scared, but now she seemed sure of herself.

"Are you sure?" I finally asked, hoping that in taking Keely's decision was for the best. I knew she still wanted my trust back. I still wanted to trust her, too. Keely nodded at me, giving me a supportive smile.

"I know it's hard, but...trust me on this. I should know more than anyone else about these guys. That's why I want to leave them once and for all," Keely replied. She spun around and headed towards the elevator, pressing the button and waiting. Hand on hip, her foot tapping, she seemed to be waiting to go to an important meeting.

I followed her and went inside the elevator as it came up. "Where are we going?" I asked her, looking up to my reflection on the mirror ceiling. My eyes were red and sunken and it looked like I haven't slept in days. That part was of the truth, anyway. I noticed how pale I was.

"We're going to sneak right past that guy. I'm not sure what he wants, but if we find out then make an escape, we can trick him," Keely replied, looking up at the ceiling too. She fussed over her hair and I looked down. The elevator doors opened and we made out way out.

My therapist was no where in sight, but there were guards in some places. Keely and I sneaked past them and were hiding behind a counter when we saw my therapist emerge from somewhere. He walked away to stand beside a flight of stairs, perhaps thinking we were going to appear from there.

"On the count of three, we make a run for it," Keely told me. I didn't know where to run after the count of three, so I decided to just follow her. She counted under her breath and suddenly grabbed my arm, running right past guards and my therapist himself at a super speed I didn't expect.

"You there! Stop!" My therapist called out and ran after us, guards following not too far behind. I let go of Keely's arm to run myself, finding that it was actually quite easy and that she wasn't the only one who could run fast. "Please Kadaj, halt!"

I turned a corner with Keely and leaned flat against the wall. All this running got my blood pumping and I could have gone on for longer, much longer, but I couldn't run around aimlessly. "Where are we going?" I asked Keely.

"There's gotta be an exit somewhere. We just gotta-," She replied, but a voice cut in.

"Not so fast." My therapist appeared before us, and before we could run two guards took hold of our arms. My therapist paced back and forth infront of us, seeming troubled.

"Don't stop us, please," I told him. "I thought I'd tell you about my plans in the hope that you'd understand. I just wanted someone to know where I was in case something bad happened." I didn't bother struggling with the guard behind me. I waited for my therapist to respond.

"It's worse than I expected," He muttered instead. "What went wrong?" He pushed his glasses up and came close to me. I looked up at him and saw my eyes through the reflection on his glasses. He seemed to be staring at them too.

"Let go of us," Keely cried, pushing and pulling her arms free from the guard. He held on pretty tight, and Keely closed her eyes in fierce concentration.

"I have read your plans and noticed you need a means of transportation to where you want to go," My therapist suddenly said to me, ignoring Keely completely.

"I don't need a means of transportation. I just didn't tell you everything. But it would help if we had some way of traveling fast...," I replied, thinking about Loz, Yazoo, and Cloud's motorcycles. That was the only thing I knew how to drive. It'd be helpful if we had one.

"Don't listen to him Kadaj!" Keely yelped, but the guard who held her placed his hand to her mouth and silenced her.

"If you want I can supply you with our cars, but I doubt you're old enough to drive," My therapist continued. "How about motorcycles?"

My heart lifted. I knew I could trust him. "That's just what I was thinking," I smirked and my therapist nodded.

"Come with me then. I'll show you to the headquarters'...garage." He turned around and the guards let go of Keely and I. Keely glared down her guard and said some unnecessary things.

"Come on Keely. It'll be ok," I whispered to her, taking her arm for her to calm down. Keely just sighed, shaking her head.

"I still don't think we should follow him," Keely hissed so only I could hear. She hugged my arm and I just kept my eyes on my therapist, incase he made any sign that he was lying.

We followed him down some hallways and I was getting anxious. It seemed to take forever just to reach the garage, and Keely was still not trusting anything. Suddenly my therapist got a phone call on his cell phone. He didn't seem to want us to hear anything, because he turned around and began talking in a low voice.

"This is our chance," Keely whispered in my ear. "Let's escape. He's not leading us to any garage." I looked at Keely and she seemed dead serious. I looked away from her stare and gazed about, trying to think. The two guards were still behind us so I decided to try and hear what my therapist was saying over the phone.

It was too late and he had finished his conversation. "As we were," He said to us, and began walking again. I didn't move until a guard shoved me from behind. Keely growled and looked around, trying to spot a way out I guess. I wasn't sure whether to follow my therapist anymore either, because he was smiling and walked too confidently.

"Alright, I agree," I whispered to her. "Let's just get out of here." Almost as soon as I said those words though, my therapist stopped and turned around.

"Sorry," He said. "I seemed to have gotten lost. But this treats you right...not to follow orders." He pulled out a gun.

"You motherfucker," Keely spat at him. "I knew it. Now where is it that you lead us too anyway?" She demanded.

I stayed back and just watched. My stomach churned uncomfortably and I couldn't remember why I had followed the therapist in the first place. I had failed my own plan.

"Somewhere you can't escape," He replied, and began loading his gun with some strange glowing blue tubes. "You two will be back in bed in no time. It will be as if this little mishap never happened."

I was still too stunned to do or say anything, but since Keely was sort of expecting this thing the whole time, she took action. Without warning, she charged at the therapist and kicked the gun out of his hand.

"You little bitch," He spat, holding his hand. Keely kicked him in the stomach but the guards had already closed in on her.

"Let go of me!" She screamed and I thought that maybe I should do something.

"Kadaj," My therapist suddenly piped up and I turned to him. He was a little too close for comfort. "You know you don't want to do this. Escape the lab, the headquarters. This is your life. You'll just end up lost in that world, and you'll never find your dad. Wouldn't you rather stay?" He asked.

"But I know where Father is," I told him.

"Kadaj, you don't know anything. Dreams, dreams themselves, don't mean anything. They're just your imagination...all of it," My therapist groaned as he bent down to retrieve his gun. "I don't want to hurt you or your girlfriend. But if you two keep makings things complicated, I may have too."

"Why are you doing this? You acted like I could trust you. If I ever do come back, I'm signing up for a new therapist," I told him and catching him by surprise I snatched his gun from him and shot him in the arm.

"Yeah!" Keely cried.

I trembled, dropping the gun and wondering what I did. My therapist had gasped and looked at his arm. Moments later he was on his knees, swaying. "You useless-! Get backup!" My therapist sputtered to the guards.

They pressed buttons on controllers to their belts and made a grab for us. One grabbed me before I could escape. I turned to Keely and my eyes widened slightly. The other guard had made to grab her, but she had unleashed a blue force field of some kind, and had shot the guard backward. He flew against a wall and crumpled to the ground.

Keely turned towards me, a look of horror over her face. She looked incredulous at her hands. "How the hell did I do that?" She breathed. Suddenly my guard just let go of me and fled.

I wiped off my arms and looked up at her after catching a breath. "I have no clue," I admitted. We heard footsteps at the same time heading towards us, and decided to head out. "Whatever it is you did, could you do it again if you could?" I asked Keely.

"I-I don't know," Keely stammered and crossed her arms, looking freaked out. Suddenly more guards came out of nowhere.

"There they are," One announced and Keely and I both knew to flee right then and there. We took off and began running down various hallways, trying to find an exit out of the building. We'd meet up with guards now and then and more than once got in some risky close calls. When we were back at that lobby, we hid behind the counter again to catch a breath.

Keely was breathing pretty hard and she looked scared out of her skin. She wrung her hands and leaned her head against the wall. "Hey, don't worry," I told her. I was unusually very calm and ready to execute my plan once again. I knew now not to trust anyone from this place anymore. I wanted to get out of here as fast as I could before anything worse happened.

"I'm just...I can't believe we almost got caught," She replied in a tiny voice. Tears ran down her face. "This whole, whole stupid plan," She sputtered. "It's too crazy. Too dangerous."

I cocked my head. "What do you mean?" I wondered. "I thought you didn't want to stay here either."

"Yeah, but we're not exactly going home either," She hissed. "We're going...out _there_. Somewhere. Only you know where...and I don't. And-and we're going after your dad and it's all too...," She just kept crying then. It wasn't really sobbing either but just silent crying. I didn't know what she was so freaked out by all of a sudden.

She stopped as we heard people pass by. When it was quiet, we waited a few moments before checking. Then we both ran through the lobby, and out the double doors. Unfortunately an alarm went off but we paid no mind to it.

Once outside we ran. We ran like crazy. It was dark, and I couldn't even see my feet running across whatever we were crossing. Keely suddenly yelped for me to stop and I saw that she had fallen behind. I stopped and jogged over to her. She had her hands on her knees and was catching her breath in heavy gasps.

"Where are we going?" Keely whimpered. She was shaking and her face was wet from crying. I almost felt like going back inside, she looked so miserable. Maybe she shouldn't of have come.

"I don't know. But it's better than being inside," I replied quietly. Suddenly we heard sirens in the distance. Searchlights hovered above us.

Keely gave out a squeak and reached for me. "We have to leave! Like now!" She cried.

"I know that." I looked around, squinting through the dark. Keely and I ran to hide behind some looming buildings of some kind. We scrunched up together in a corner, barely able to see anything. However we heard quite a lot. "We'll hide out here until they stop looking," I said to no one in particular. I just felt like saying that aloud.

I heard Keely sniff in reply. I could vaguely see her looking up at the sky, following the searchlights with her eyes. She whimpered and sniffed and trembled. I began to panic a little as well, wondering if we'd ever be able to escape this mess after all. I hadn't predicted it would be this complicated. Keely jumped when suddenly we both heard voices, steps, and engines. Shouts and other such noises got closer.

I placed a hand to my aching stomach and the other one was to go to my head before Keely claimed it. "I don't want them to find us. They'll do bad things if they do. We're screwed, Kadaj, we're screwed," Keely started panicking.

"We're not, we're not," I started to reply, assuring her. I failed. Noises getting closer, Keely began to hyperventilate. I pulled her to me but she kept gasping, her chest heaving up and down.

"Shit!" She kept hissing. "Shit! They're coming!"

"Keely, calm down," I repeated for the tenth time.

She didn't calm down. I panicked; if she gave us away, we _were_ screwed. My plan, our hope of escaping, all would be crushed. If we went back, there was no knowing if I'd ever be able to receive messages from Father again. And then we'd never find him. And he'd never help us.

"Oh God," Keely gripped my shoulder, her fingernails digging. I tried not to think about our failed plan, and focused on calming Keely down. "We're over for sure, we are. Now they might not even cure us anymore. They won't, they'll make everything worse," She started to say rapidly.

"Hush, don't think like that," I murmured trying to get her to look me in the eye. Keely shook her head, I felt her hair fly against me as she did, and though her breathing calmed she was still trembling.

The searchlights managed to get closer and for brief seconds I could see Keely's face infront of mine. All I wanted was for her to calm down, to un clamp her hands from my arm and shoulder, to be the strong Keely I've always known her for. She started babbling on again.

"Now they're going to find us, now for sure," She began nervously, her voice breaking from trembling so much. "Look, the lights are like on us, they're going to find us! Everything's over, we're screwed, everything and everything-"

I pressed my mouth to hers, shutting her up. I just wanted to shut her up and calm her down. Her babbling was driving me crazy, I couldn't concentrate, and those lights were making me nervous enough too. Keely's hands at first tightened on me then loosened. I backed away and looked at her; she looked confused. "What-?" She began but before I could say anything she kissed me back. She stopped trembling and I relaxed; suddenly we weren't hiding from guards and doctors anymore. We weren't holed up in hiding outside. We were just...together.

Lights shone on us again and we stopped, blinking and shielding our eyes. We heard voices and steps.

We were caught.


	6. Chapter 6

**Keely:**

"Today's breakfast: Cereal bar."

I was already up and dressed, having woken up much earlier than I usually do. I scooted off my chair and walked over to pick up the breakfast bar. "Thanks," I said to no one in particular. The room had its own voice yet it couldn't hear you. Strange.

I only had an hour until school started. I wondered why I woke up so early. I tossed my breakfast bar aside for later and instead popped some pills in my mouth distractedly. I started to brush my hair and tried to remember if I had any tests in school today. What would it matter? I hardly studied. Yet there was nothing else to think about.

Moments later I was walking down the ward, eating my breakfast bar and flipping open my cell phone to check the time. Lucy was picking me up and dropping me off at school. Sometimes I wished she stayed at the headquarters too, even though she's been cured for a while now. I traced small circles on the ground with the toe of my boot, ignoring the silver strands of hair falling infront of my face. How it annoyed me.

I held a rubber band between my teeth and piled my hair up to twist it into a pony tail. As I was finishing, Lucy's car pulled up infront. I picked up my bag and headed out.

"Good morning little sis," Lucy greeted with a yawn. She looked decent from the waist up but taking a closer look she was still wearing pajama bottoms.

"Hey," I replied, whisking my bangs away from my face and shutting closed the car door. Lucy started up the car and drove down the street.

"Where's Kadaj?" She asked. I shrugged. "He not going to school today?"

"I don't know. He didn't feel all too well yesterday and I didn't see him around this morning. I guess not." I played with my sleeves distractedly.

Lucy nodded and began talking about other things. Family news, future events, stuff I should keep in mind but always forget later. "Yazmin's going college hopping, so she won't be around for awhile," Lucy announced.

"Yazoo's going too?" I wondered.

"No, he'll still be at home," Lucy replied.

"Someone's going to be lonely."

Lucy smiled, shaking her head. "None of _your_ little business, little sis," She said. "But yeah, at least while he's still around, I'll still be able to eat." I laughed and turned the radio on.

♡♡

Pushing past students in the hall I was suddenly stopped by a girl in one of my classes. Her name was Ashlee. "Hey, Keely!" She called and walked up beside me.

Ashlee had lustrous dark red hair; and her eyes were light grass green. Her lips were naturally red and she had a nice laugh. "Hey there," I replied quietly. I tried to shrink in my over sized black sweatshirt. I didn't face her to she didn't have to look at me and remind herself how much prettier she was.

"I just wanted you to know I'm done with the paper section of our project in Phillman's class. You got the poster?" She wondered.

"Not yet," I replied. The poster. Ah, I was screwed. I'll do it today, I guess. "I'll have it ready tomorrow," I promised aloud to Ashlee.

"Good to know. I'll be busy after school today anyway, getting my campaign posters finished. Hope you'll vote for me!" Ashlee flashed a wide perfect smile before trotting off to hang with people who were more normal and more like her.

I sighed, swinging open the door to my first period class. Kadaj wasn't inside, which raised my suspicions. Where was he today? I sat down and tapped a pencil against the desk. I watched the door. Student after student came. Kadaj never showed up, and class started.

After school I was making my way to the front so Lucy would pick me up. I had already tried calling Kadaj many times but I forgot he never picked up his cell phone. I wondered why. I sat atop a low wall, holding back my curtain of hair with one hand and doodling on a notebook page with the other. I heard footsteps near me and I looked up.

There was this boy. He had brown hair and startling blue eyes. He sat infront of me in a few classes and I noticed these things when he'd turn around to hand back papers. I wasn't sure what his name was. Suddenly, he looked over and caught me staring at him. I averted my eyes but to my horror he started coming over.

"Hey there," He said. "I know you." I pretended like I didn't hear him. "You're Kadaj's girlfriend, right?"

My face heated up. "N-No actually, we're just friends," I replied. He took a seat next to me and I inched away a bit. He didn't seem to notice.

"Oh, alright, that's cool," He said. "He didn't come to school today. He sick?" I shrugged. How did Kadaj know this kid? Kadaj didn't have any other friends. "If you see him today, tell him we have to turn in our project soon. For Phillman's class. You're partners with Ashlee right?"

I just nodded. I risked a glance at him only to find out he was full on staring at me. "Yeah, ok," I replied.

Suddenly his eyes widened. "Hey! Whoa!" He cried and smiled. "You have way cool eyes. Just like Kadaj." I flushed. Self consciously, I looked down at my notebook again. "Whoa, hey, I think that's cool. They're way pretty and stuff."

"Thanks," I muttered, wishing he'd go away.

"That's trippy," He continued, trying to catch a glance again. "Are those contacts or something?"

Before I could answer or tell him to buzz off, Lucy came to a stop infront of us. "I have to go," I told him, picking up my bag.

"That's cool," He replied. "My name's Nate, by the way. You're Keely right?" I nodded and opened the car door. "Tight. I'll see you at school." He stood up and walked away.

"Who was that?" Lucy wondered as I took a seat and closed the car door.

"Some kid," I muttered.

"Huh," Lucy replied whilst trying to hide a grin unsuccessfully.

"I'm serious. I met him just now," I continued, digging through the contents of my bag to make sure I had my homework.

"Am I dropping you off at HQ or...?" Lucy trailed off. Where else would I go? But I took this as an invitation to hang out at her house for awhile, which was also the place Yazmin and Yazoo took up residence.

"Sure, second option," I told her. I barely got to see Lucy anymore, except for the occasional pick up and drop off. Some quality time would be nice. I smiled up at my eldest sister; the one whom I've always both envied and loved. You just couldn't hate Lucy.

"Alright. I'm going to a friend's house later though, so you're welcome to stay or I'll drop you off," Lucy explained.

"Ooh. Whose this 'friend'?" I wondered curiously.

"Nobody. And it wouldn't matter one bit if you knew, now would it?" Lucy mused and we finally arrived at the house.

"I guess not," I replied, getting out. I ran to the entrance and automatically tossed my bag onto the couch; seconds later I plopped down next to it and turned on the TV. Good ole' TV, which I didn't have access to all the time in the headquarters. Sucks big time, I know.

Lucy got a call on her cell and it looked like it would take awhile. She went in her room the same time Yazoo came out of his. Yawning whilst he stretched, it seemed he had just woken up. He was wearing a plain shirt with pajama bottoms, and when he stretched some of his taut pale stomach showed. I relished the sneak peek.

"Hey Yazoo," I piped up and he looked surprised I was here.

"Hey, you. School over already?" He wondered, opening the fridge in the kitchen.

"Yeah. Where have _you _been? Not exactly top class Senior behavior, Yazoo," I scolded him. He waved me off and didn't reply. "How come you're not going with Yazmin to that college hop thing?" I asked.

"Not for me," Yazoo mumbled digging through a cereal box. "Aw. No toy. Today's been a bust," He added, setting the box down on the counter angrily. I laughed and he raised an eyebrow. "Something's missing. Where's my kid brother?"

"Kadaj didn't come to school today," I informed him and hoped he'd know why.

"Really? I hope he isn't sick or something," Was all Yazoo provided.

"As if. Kadaj never gets sick," I pointed out, changing the channel on the TV distractedly.

"What are you doing here then? He's probably missing you," Yazoo cooed, walking over to me and making kissy faces.

"Right," I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

"Come on, I'll take you over there. I need to get more stuff from the docs anyway," Yazoo coaxed, putting a jacket on.

"I just got here," I mumbled, reluctantly shutting off the TV. I was curious to find out why Kadaj had ditched, though.

Besides, no girl should ever miss out on an opportunity to accompany Yazoo on his motorcycle. It just wasn't humanly possible. Even seeing him already seated on it gave me the shudders, but you know I'm talking about the good feeling ones.

We got there super quick, and Yazoo left me to go pick up the stuff he needed. I instantly started walking over to Kadaj's room, realizing suddenly that this has been the longest I've gone without ever talking to him. Save for the time we were in that fight of course, but that was a long time ago.

I promptly knocked on the door and Kadaj opened, rattling pills in his hand as he did so and looking sort of tired. "Hi there!" I greeted cheerfully. I gave him my best smile.

"Hey Keely," He popped the pills in his mouth and let me in. "Didn't school end like an hour ago?"

"Yeah but I was over at the house first," I explained, hopping on his bed and sprawling on my stomach. I took my ponytail and started fingering my split ends. "How come you didn't come to school?" I asked, watching him upside down.

Kadaj shrugged first. Then he replied, "The doctors wouldn't let me go. They said they excused me for the day."

"The teacher marked you absent, actually," I giggled and Kadaj shrugged again.

"Doesn't matter," He said, scooting a chair over and taking a seat on it backwards. "Anything interesting I missed?"

I shook my head. "Our projects for Phillman are almost due. Some kid...Nate? He talked to me today. He said he knew you," I reflected, remembering Nate's very blue and normal looking eyes.

"Hmm. He's my partner." Kadaj yawned and rested his head on his folded arms atop the back of the chair. "What did Nate talk to you about?"

"Nothing. Just told me he knew you, went on about my eyes," I muttered, remembering him say how pretty and cool they were. As if.

"The guy's a brainless stud. He makes me do all the work and talks to the girls in class all day," Kadaj replied in an informing tone. Was he implying something?

I laughed. "Nice to know, but I don't think I'll be talking to him again. He was weird," I mused. Weird? Really? Or was I just the weird one and everyone else normal?

I was fingering my hair, staring up at the ceiling distractedly, until Kadaj suddenly grabbed my hand. "Keely, look," He said all of a sudden, and shook my hand lightly.

"Huh?" I replied, and looked down. All I saw was some silver strands entwined around my fingers. Until the light caught the glow of one and I gasped. A strand of hair was a different color! "Oh my gosh!" I yelped, picking out that single strand and staring at it dumbfounded.

Kadaj chuckled lightly. "Looks like your wish is coming true," He said.

At this point about everyone knew how I freaked over my hair. I was just itching for it to color, like my sisters' had. Now, finally, here was at least one strand! All the proof I needed.

"Yes! Oh, finally!" I squealed in glee. I swung off the bed and headed hurriedly towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Kadaj wondered, standing up as my hand reached the knob.

"To the doctors. I'll go tell them! I'm telling everyone!" I cried back, and soon I was out of the room and running down the hallway.

♡♡

The thin silver needle was almost invisible. So thin, yet I felt it in my arm. I gritted my teeth and pushed it upwards more, then with a sigh of pleasure I pushed down the top, literally feeling the tingle of more power. The juice running through my veins right now making me_ better_.

This was just my first shot today. I pulled it out of my arm and handed it to a nurse. Rubbing my arm, I smiled up at her. "When can I get more?" I wondered excitedly.

She laughed lightly. "More? Heavens, that'd be way too much for one girl like you."

"Yes, but I want to get cured quicker. These shots make me feel good. And in no time my hair will grow fully colored too."

"Well, it isn't quantity, it's quality. But I'll ask the doctor later," Nurse lady replied. I growled in impatience. My roots were completely colored now; but even happy as I was, my hair wasn't coloring like my sisters' had. Theirs faded in gradually all at once; mine is starting from the roots down, giving me a completely weird look during the process. At school I wore hats now so no one could see, but soon I hoped to flourish my newly acquired hair for all to see.

How I ache for that moment. The first step in me being truly and really normal. That's why I must get cured faster; more shots would do the trick. But these stupid doctors aren't paying attention to me. They say I shouldn't do it. They say to take my time. They say to be patient, wait, my hair will color fully in time.

I was sick and tired of waiting.

As soon as the nurse lady left, I grabbed a handful of shot containers and stashed them in my jacket pocket. These babies I'd save for later. Making my way out of the doctors' wards, I headed towards my room to shoot up the shots and feel that rush of power again.

Kadaj stopped me in the hall. "Hey, Keely." He noticed I was holding something captive in my pockets. "What do you have there?"

"Shots," I replied casually. Kadaj raised an eyebrow. "You know, the ones the scientists and stuff give us." I saw realization flicker across his eyes and I hoped he wouldn't stop me.

"Why do you have those? Don't they give them to you in the office?" Kadaj wonders.

"Well, yeah, but I wanted more for myself. Wanna use some? I might have gotten too much for myself," I suggest and Kadaj walks with me the remainder of the way to my room.

Finally there, I immediately take one out and stab my arm with it. I sigh and Kadaj watches me carefully. "Are you sure this is safe?" He wonders, like naive Kadaj always wonders.

"Of course. The doctors just tell us not to do it because they want to keep us in here longer for study. Or else, we would have been cured and out of here by now," I grumbled, discarding the first used up shot and replacing it with a new one. I literally saw the juice crawl through my veins, as they flashed blue when the shot was first pressed.

Kadaj was watching my arm intently. I offer him one. "I don't know," He replies.

"My hair is coloring so much faster because of it," I tell him. "You'll be cured in no time too. Once you're used to the pricking, the pain goes away," I tell him. My second shot was done. I reached for the third.

"You're doing this way too much, too fast," Kadaj says, grabbing hold of my arm and not letting me use the third one up. "You'll hurt yourself."

"No I won't," I scoff. I pull free from his grasp and look at myself through the mirror. I pull free my hat and note that my colored roots deepened; more of my hair got colored too. I note this to Kadaj so he'd stop bitching me about it.

He's hesitant. But he gives himself a shot anyway. I grin as his eyes glow; I feel his body heat up. The feeling was too intense for words, so I didn't question his silence. "Pretty sweet, huh?" I say. I reach for my third shot.

"I think that's enough," Kadaj says to me, as I press down on it and the juice flows once again.

"Fine. Tomorrow I'm going to do more than I did today. At this rate, my hair will be done in a few days!" I cry out happily. I hardly even feel the shot anymore; my arm has grown kinda numb but it's also because I'm so happy from this breakthrough.

"Just be careful." Kadaj looked worried. It was as if he didn't enjoy the shot at all.

My smile drops as I look over at him. "Don't you feel it?" I ask. "The power? The strength? One shot and I can run ten miles if I want. I can do anything. Don't you feel that way? Like some kind of super human?" I question, looking at my hands. They're shaking from so many shots.

"I do, but...I just wouldn't trust these things all that much, that's all. Like the pills we're taking. I'm not sure. But I think there's something fishy about them," Kadaj replies instead.

"Please. There's nothing fishy about those. They're helping us too. How about you stop worrying, and come take a walk with me? I feel like exploring. I feel...like a million dollars!" I exclaim, placing my hat on again because even though I could literally feel my hair coloring by the second, it still wasn't finished, and no way was I going to go out with hair that was half silver half colored. That'd look weird, and I'm tired of looking weird. I wanna look normal and that's why I'm doing this.

"Sure...," Kadaj puts on his jacket again. We go off into the streets.

I run around like crazy. Like a prisoner who has been freed after a long time of being held captive. The air rushing through my lungs as I scream, run, and breathe feels much smoother. Better.

I challenge Kadaj to a race. We tied, but only after running miles and miles. We didn't even break a sweat. Those shots were _awesome_.

There's one problem: all this exercise makes me starve. After eating like a horse at a local place, Kadaj says it's probably time for us to go. We didn't even tell anyone we've left.

I was too busy literally bouncing off walls to notice Kadaj wanted to go back. I picked up a metal pipe left on a street corner. "Hey, let's have a duel," I say, swishing the pipe around with speed.

Kadaj chuckles and shakes his head. "Me? Fight? As if. Put the pipe down Keely; you'll put an eye out."

"You sound like Yazmin or something," I point out to him, doing some cool back flips with my metal pipe. But I finally put it down. However I'm not satisfied yet. I'm still free; I'm out of the headquarters. There's one thing I have to do before I go back.

"We have to go to Cloud's," I announce to Kadaj.

"Whatever for?" He wonders wearily.

I grin. "You know how to drive a motorcycle right?"

Of course Kadaj nods. He knows what I'm thinking, but it doesn't look like he likes it. "Keely, I'm not going to ask Cloud for his bike," He says.

"We don't need to ask. We'll just...borrow it," I say, taking his hand and leading him to Cloud's house. Kadaj protests but lets me pull him along.

Moments later we're speeding down the streets and I'm screaming my ass off just for the heck of it. My hair was flying through the wind and there was no greater feeling. We didn't go off for that long though, Kadaj finally broke down and insisted we return the bike, but it was still worth it.

Especially since that was the last time in awhile I'd be truly hanging out with Kadaj.

♡♡

My phone rang. I kept the shot in my arm but walked over to it, placing it against my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey Keely. It's Nate," Nate's voice replied on the other line.

"Oh, hey," I said back, walking back to my bed and discarding the shot in the bin. I was still shooting up to get cured faster; it was working still but not quite as fast enough. All I needed were my ends, then I'd be perfect. Well, my eyes are still ugly, but at least the silver hair is going away.

Nate and I start talking. Not a shocking thing, really. He's been calling me and talking to me for hours on end for a few days now. We were really hitting it off. He, like a lot of other people at school, was surprised and in love with my oncoming hair. It's colored so much I couldn't wear a hat to conceal it anymore, so everyone's seen it. Though it wasn't completely finished people were already complimenting me on it.

I stared at my reflection while I talked on the phone. My long hair fell all about in waves I created with rollers; my eyes popped still from the makeup I placed before school. My hair's oncoming mahogany shade created wonders; somehow I didn't look as pale. Some of my faded freckles could be seen again. I just loved staring at it. I liked staring at _me_. Apart from my eyes, I wasn't that half bad looking now. You could say I was even attractive.

Kadaj didn't believe me when I said everyone at school automatically liked me now. He said he's always thought I was beautiful; and though I was flattered, I knew still that I was right. He just didn't understand now because he no longer goes to school.

The doctors were excusing him often. Then one day, he actually showed up, only to be told he's been switched out forever and permanently. He didn't know what was going on. Neither did I. For some reason, the doctors wanted him at headquarters almost twenty-four hours a day. Everyday.

We didn't understand. What had Kadaj done? But I had a theory. I was curing just fine (about ten shots a day helped) but Kadaj was still the same. He's changed in moods; lately he's been tired a lot and had intense headaches. He told me he had weird ass dreams.

I didn't pay any mind to it. I told him it was a phase. I was too busy pondering which way I should wear my hair the next day. I didn't mention or admit that I too had weird dreams; but they were just dreams, right? I didn't even understand them half the time. I had more worries in reality right now than to worry over dreams.

So here I am, walking to school and Nate shows up. He looks very handsome and I find myself starting to get nervous and feeling sick. He grins at me and walks my way.

"Hey there gorgeous," Nate greets. He flashes me another grin and I can't help smiling back.

"Hi," I reply. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. But I do have good news. Want to come to a party with me this Friday night?" Nate asks me.

A party? With Nate? Would I ever! I've never been invited to a party before. And now the most popular guy ever was asking me to one. With _him_.

"S-Sure," I reply, trying not to sound too shocked. "Just call me I guess."

"I'll pick you up," Nate suggests instead. "Friday night, at seven. See you later." He walks off and I head to class. Now I can't pay attention! I keep daydreaming of what will happen at that party. But I instantly felt guilty because I couldn't bring Kadaj with me. It wasn't my party, and I don't think you invite whoever you want. I guessed it'd just be Nate and I.

Kadaj doesn't sound too pleased when I tell him. "What an asshole. He ignores you all year, and when suddenly your hair changes, he's all over you," Kadaj points out scowling.

"It's not just him. Everyone notices me now, and not in a bad way finally," I reply. "You don't have to go to school anymore, so don't complain. I have no friends now, so why can't I go to a party and make some?"

"Because they wouldn't be your friends. They're just talking to you because Nate likes you," Kadaj sneers.

I frown. "Oh come on. Don't get all jealous now, just because I'm moving on." I didn't mean to sound nasty. But Kadaj was getting on my nerves.

"I'm not jealous, because you're not moving on. You're going around in circles." He gets up and leaves. I slam the door after him. He_ so _too was jealous, but didn't want to admit it.

I was going to that party, and I was going with Nate. And I wasn't holding back on anything.


	7. Chapter 7

**Kadaj: **

The line was busy. Of course. The line was always busy. I should have known way before I even called.

Keely's been awfully busy. Since I don't go to school anymore, I've been bored out of my mind. And Keely isn't here to keep me company. Where is she you ask?

With Nate. Nate, Nate, Nate.

All she talks about. All she has time for.

The word going around is that ever since Keely's precious locks turned color, everyone's been giving her attention. Especially a certain someone. When she does have time for me, she basically uses it to brag and share all her stories about the parties and events she's been to with her new friends. And with Nate.

_Nate this, Nate that_, I thought grimly. I sat at my room's desk, drawing random circles on a sheet of paper. I thought that maybe writing some poetry would calm me down. But I was so restless I couldn't even concentrate.

I wanted out of this room, but there was nowhere to go.

_Nowhere to go, nothing to see. No one wants to see me and they won't let me go anywhere_, I thought miserably, crushing the sheet of paper into a ball and picking out a fresh one. This wasn't helping. Nothing was helping. Not the stupid shots doctors give me. Not the stupid pills they make me swallow.

Keely says I'll come around. _She_ has, so why should I worry? She says. So why should _she_ worry? She's basically free, now. Everyone has left, in a way, and I'm here alone. Only myself to talk too.

My therapist suggested sleeping pills to help pass the time and ease my headaches from surgeries. I rolled my eyes towards the edge of my desk, where bottles and containers took up the corner space. I picked up a bottle and shook it around, listening to the sound. These were my pills, but not the sleeping kind.

The kind they told me to take constantly. The ones that didn't really do anything.

_I know I shouldn't do this, I know I shouldn't do this_..., I thought.

My pill bottle in hand, I went to the bathroom, and poured all the remaining pills in the toilet, flushing them down.

I came back to my bed, shoved a hand full of the sleeping kind in my mouth, and carefully swallowed all of it with water.

A few moments later my eyes were heavy with sleep, so I closed them and lay on my bed. I wasn't exactly sleeping, but it felt like it. Images spun around in my mind. Voices whirled. I tried to concentrate on them, since they were making me dizzy, but it was hard. It was as if they were sent specifically to confuse me.

"Aw. You're sleeping. It's like, almost dinner time," A voice interrupted.

I opened my eyes and the images, voices, and flash backs stopped. I looked around, and saw that Keely was in my room. She had a grin on her face, her chestnut hair up in a messy ponytail, and she had her hands in the pouch of her jacket. Wait. That wasn't even her jacket. Nate's last name was half visible from the back.

I noticed she wasn't wearing the necklace I gave her for Christmas anymore, either.

"What do you want?" I demanded, suddenly angry at her.

"Hmm. Why so grouchy? Just stopped by to say hi," She replied defensively, as if she hadn't done anything wrong.

I reflected back to what Keely had first said. "Dinner time?" I suddenly wondered, looking around for a clock.

"Yup. How long have you been asleep?" She asked, fingering the ends of her pony tail with a dreamy look on her face.

"A bit long...," I replied vaguely. Actually, I think I slept for at least half of the day. It felt weird, because it sure didn't seem like I did. However, that was then, and right now I wanted Keely off of my bed, and out of my room.

"I had so much fun today," She began, smiling widely at me. She seemed so happy. I didn't want to share her happiness.

"That's good for you. Would you mind?" I asked, getting up and indicating towards the door. Keely's smile faded a bit.

"You want me to leave?" She questioned.

"Yeah...," I averted my eyes from her. I ignored my nervous stomach. The fact was, I couldn't get mad at Keely. So I wasn't really, I just wanted her to leave. I couldn't look at her right now.

"How come?" Keely stood up, Nate's jacket now slightly off her shoulder, exposing some of her pale skin. I noticed her skirt was pretty high too. Her lips pouted naturally as she frowned at me.

"Because...," I tried. How could I tell her to leave without sounding like a jerk? Didn't she realize I didn't want to hear of her fun adventures with Nate? The adventures she _could _have been having with me, if I weren't stuck in this stupid ward? "I don't want to listen to anything about Nate today, unfortunately," I pointed out finally.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't care about your dates with him. Or the parties he's invited you too. I know you had fun, but I think enough is enough. I don't want to sit, imagining you have all the fun while I'm stuck here." I leveled my eyes with hers and saw that her still cat-like pupils widened, and the green in her eyes glowed. However hard she was trying, shooting up those curing shots Keely stole from her doctor's office, her eyes didn't seem to be getting any better. They weren't curing like her hair had.

"Why are you being such an asshole about this all of a sudden? I thought you were my friend. I thought I could share with you stuff about my life," Keely growled.

She always puts in that little innocent, "thought you were my friend" thing in our fights. Always. It's like I'm basically telling her our friendship is over. I'm not. So why does she always say that? I just want her out of my room. I just want her to shut the fuck up about Nate.

"You can share whatever the hell you want. But if it involves Nate, I just don't really care," I replied back, trying to sound calm. She was giving me a headache, but that was probably due to the pills, and not her.

"You're jealous." The corners of her mouth turned upwards in an evil like smile.

"No," I replied instantly. I didn't care who Keely hung out with, or if she went to parties. That was all fine and dandy with me. I just didn't want to see her get hurt by that Nate kid. Actually, I didn't want her hanging around him period, but I obviously couldn't stop that now. "Are...are you guys even dating?" I couldn't help asking.

Still with that smirk, Keely turned her head to the side, looking around as she shrugged casually. "I guess," She put in, sounding like she didn't really care. "Can't you see I'm wearing his jacket?" She added, tugging on the hood string.

"Yeah. I noticed." I turned my back to her. I didn't want her seeing my face turn red, or to notice how bothered I was now. This was why I wanted her to leave in the first place. Suddenly I heard her stand up and make her way over.

Her voice spoke out very close to me. "Is there something you want to tell me Kadaj?" Keely wondered softly.

"No...," I replied, but thought it over. I wanted to tell her that I didn't like Nate very much, and that she should dump him. I wanted to tell her that I missed having her around, now that I was out of school and being tested on all the time. I wanted to tell her how hurt I feel that she doesn't wear my necklace. How while she's practically normal now, I still have to suffer through the pain of being different, having constant surgeries and confusing dreams. How I can't stop thinking about her now that she's moved on.

I had always thought she'd just be there, always by my side, just incase maybe I wanted to take her back. Apparently, I've taken that whole thing for granted, as I should have realized Keely wasn't going to stand around waiting for me forever. It was perhaps even selfish of me to tell her what I thought.

"There's nothing," I completed. I quickly glanced up at her.

She stared at me. I couldn't tell what emotion was written across her face. "Fine," She replied after awhile, then left.

I heaved a sigh of relief. When I opened my eyes, I noticed she left the necklace on the edge of the bed where she had been sitting.

♡♡

I was keeping my mouth shut. I wasn't going to tell him anything I saw in my head. I realized those things were private, and the fact that my therapist wanted to know so much what the voices in my head were telling me was bothersome and made me suspicious. What difference does it make what the voice is telling me? It's not like I can even understand what it's saying. What difference does it make that I sometimes see Father in my flash backs?

I've missed him terribly these past few days. I laugh to myself as I remember the days in which Yazoo, Loz, Father, and I all lived under one roof. Why does that seem so long ago?

I remember taking Father's love for granted. I feel bad about it now. I wonder at times, if Yazoo or Loz remember these moments in our lives. I wish I could talk to them. I never see them anymore, and I wonder if they have been cured yet.

Of course, basically everyone's been cured except for me. I ask my doctors what's wrong.

"We don't know. We're doing tests, we're injecting you with_ blah blah_, we're doing the best we can. You just relax and tell us what your dreams say to you..." They say. Well, I'm not telling them anymore. I get the feeling now they've given up on me and are only giving me false hope. I think I need to cure myself, because these Shin-Ra doctors sure aren't doing it.

"Kadaj?" My therapist inquired.

"I'm sorry. No dreams today." I kept my gaze fixed on the ceiling.

"Surely you've had some flashback of some sort. Your brain study shows that you've been having them frequently in fact..."

"I don't care what the stupid machine says."

"What do you care about then, Kadaj?"

_I care about my brothers. I care about Keely. And I care about getting away from here, one way or another. I don't care if I'm not cured yet, or in the process of being cured. If this is how I am, then everyone else has to accept it. I don't want to be put through this anymore, _I thought. I didn't voice my opinions. Everything said in this place got written down somewhere. The only place I was truly safe was in my own mind.

"I care about leaving this stupid office," I replied to my therapist instead, getting up. I leave the room quickly, before he has time to stop me. I run and run, finally ending up in the Shin-Ra Science Department lobby, where I saw a desk, and on that desk I saw a phone.

"Hurry!" I cry at the secretary lady who looked at me scared. "I need to call someone."

"Do you have a permission slip?" She asks.

"No! Give me the goddamn phone!" I reach for it as she yelps in surprise. I realize I don't know anyone's phone number. "Look someone up for me, will ya?" I tell the secretary.

She fumbles through a book as I tell her my name. I shouldn't have but I knew my brothers would be near me someway. I recognize Yazmin and Lucy's house phone. "There!" I dial the number. The line rings.

"Hello?" Yazoo sounds tired, but it's him alright.

"Yazoo! It's Kadaj. Pick me up, hurry!" I cry in the receiver.

Suddenly his voice isn't tired anymore but alert. "What's going on little bro?" He wonders.

"Just pick me up. It's nothing serious but I want to leave," I tell him. He says he'll be there in a few minutes. I throw the phone at the secretary and run for it, reaching the front doors.

♡♡

Yazoo took me to Cloud's house. I don't know why. He also kept telling me to calm down. I didn't understand because I wasn't even talking. Yazoo parked his motorcycle out back, and walked with me to the front.

"Oh. Hey there guys," Tifa greeted, surprised at our visit as she opens the door.

"We came to visit Loz for awhile. Hope you don't mind. Kadaj hasn't seen either of us in awhile," Yazoo replied, tousling my hair.

"Oh, I don't mind at all!" Tifa said, giving me a hug. I just laughed nervously and went inside the bar Cloud and Tifa owned together. I took a seat at a table, distractedly overhearing Tifa and Yazoo's idle chatter.

I heard them talk about me but paid no mind. I anticipated Loz's arrival. Tifa walked by, smiled at me politely, then made her way up the stairs.

"Loz will be happy to see you," Yazoo said from somewhere behind me. I watched the stairs. Loz came down with Tifa with his usual smug grin. I attempted a smile back.

"If it isn't little bro," He draped an arm around me, then with his other arm he messed up my hair roughly. "What do you need from me now? That's why you came, right?"

I chuckled. "No. I don't need anything. I just needed a ...break," I sighed, and Loz let go of me. I looked up at him in a miserable glance.

His eyes searched my face. "Yo...have they been treatin' you alright back at that lab place?" Loz asked in a low voice.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. I'm really confused about things," I began. Suddenly Tifa handed me a mug of coffee. I took it, thanking her.

"I don't like this. I don't like this one bit." Loz turned to Yazoo, who was sitting on a chair backwards while facing me. "They're abusing our little brother."

"No one's abusing anyone," Yazoo replied calmly. "Kadaj just isn't in the best state of...mind right now." Yazoo's eyes seem to give a signal to Loz. I stared at Yazoo, wondering what he was telling Loz behind my back.

"They are," I interject defensively. I had no idea what I was saying. I had no evidence to back up the fact they were abusing me. But I felt like going against the Shin-Ra people. "I hate it there. That's why I wanted to come home."

Loz and Yazoo looked at me for awhile. Tifa sat up on the counter, swinging her legs thoughtfully. "Maybe you just need a little break, that's all. Spend some quality time with your brothers," She suggested.

I shrugged, not knowing if they'd allow me to take a break. It feels as if I've been there forever, without any sort of break whatsoever. Sometimes I even felt like running away, but a voice in my mind kept telling me I'd just get caught. I wanted to just try, at least. It's not like I've tried running away before. How would they know I would attempt such a thing?

"I'll see about talking to them," Yazoo replied. "For now though, you should be getting back. I don't want any trouble from those people." Yazoo raked his fingers through his long silvery hair. I remember Keely telling me that he told the doctors not to cure it. He liked his hair.

Keely. Where was she? How come she wanted normal hair and eyes so bad? Why does she get to stay in school and I don't? Why does she not get funny dreams?

"He can stay here until he chooses to leave himself," Loz decided instead, giving Yazoo a sideways glance. "Poor kid calls you hysterically to leave that goddamn loony bin and you want to put him back-,"

"That's not it, Loz. You think I like seeing Kadaj being tested and experimented on and all that shit? If things were easier he'd be living with us instead. You know how things are. Don't make it complicated," Yazoo fired back.

"What are you guys talking about? There's something you're not telling me. Something...I don't know...," I vaguely said, again trying to decipher what they were saying. It's like they were speaking a whole different language.

"Don't worry about it," Yazoo replied.

"Loz is right," I cried suddenly. "I feel like a mental patient there. A freaking mental patient. I don't know why. All I want to do is go to school and live with you guys like I used too. Now here I am, having therapists and doctors order me about like I'm some delusional person." I looked at all of them seriously, hoping they'd believe me. They didn't exactly treat me this way but it sometimes feel like I was some lower form of being to them. As if they were so special.

No one said anything for awhile. They exchanged glances and looked at me worriedly. "What?" I wonder, taking a sip of coffee. "I'm not crazy."

"You aren't," Tifa replied almost instantly. Loz just smiled grimly. I looked at Yazoo but he was looking away.

"What the hell?" I demanded, suddenly angry. What were they hiding behind my back?

At that moment Keely bursts in. To make matters worse, perhaps. I scowled uncomfortably as she ripped off her beanie hat, sweeping back her hair with her hands to get ride of the hat hair. She pulled off her scarf and trudged inside. "Hey everyone. I heard Kadaj was in trouble," She said.

_As if you cared_, I thought. Tifa took Keely's coat, hat, and scarf. She walked over to the coat closet as Keely took a seat between Yazoo and I at the table. "What happened? What's wrong?" She wondered, looking back and forth between my brothers and I.

"Apparently my brothers think I should stay at the headquarters," I said finally. "_I_ want to leave."

"How come?" Keely asked me. I shrugged in reply and Yazoo turned to Keely.

"Kadaj claims he's being abused there or something. He says they think he's crazy."

"They do! They think I'm insane, but I'm not, I'm not..."

"Kadaj..." Keely gave me a worried glance and hushed me up. I tried to stare her down but I couldn't. I focused on finishing my coffee.

"This whole bullshit he's giving us is besides the point, anyway," Yazoo sighed. "Kadaj, you're going back. Maybe something freaked you out there, like your dreams or something."

"There's nothing wrong with my dreams," I said through gritted teeth to Yazoo. "And there's nothing wrong with me. Therefore I think I should leave the headquarters."

"You can't just leave Kadaj," Keely put in softly. "We live there."

"No,_ I _live there. You _have _a choice," I snapped at her. Keely fell silent.

"That's not entirely true Kadaj," Yazoo defended. "Once again, you're sidetracking the point..."

"The point here is, our little brother doesn't like it there. Why should we force him to stay?" Loz wondered. I nodded.

"Because...He needs to be there. And you know it." Yazoo glared at Loz.

_Because I belong there?_ I thought. _Because I'm going insane? _I thought. Thanks for the family support, Yazoo.

"Want to talk? Alone?" Keely asked me softly so only I could hear. I didn't know why she was offering me this talk. But it was better than getting caught between a sibling rivalry.

I stood up, placing my coffee mug on the table. "I'm going to take a rest," I bluntly told Yazoo and Loz. They watched Keely and I go upstairs.

Keely and I went inside a room. She sighed and closed the door. "What's going on with you Kadaj?" She wondered after awhile.

"If I knew, I don't think I'd be stuck in some mental ward," I replied.

"You're not in a metal ward. You never were. They're just trying to cure you."

"Of what?"

Keely didn't reply right away. "I don't know," She admitted. "Whatever it is, I had it. My sisters had it. Your brothers had it. They're just trying to make us better."

"The operations hurt me," I confessed miserably. "And the flashbacks confuse me. I can't go on like this." I sat on the bed, gripping the bed sheets with my hands.

"Don't put pressure on Yazoo and Loz," Keely suddenly said. "They just want you to have what you've always wanted. What we've always wanted." She slid against the door to the ground, bringing up her knees to her chin. She stared straight ahead and her sidebangs fell infront of her face. She didn't bother pushing them away.

"Why do they think I'm crazy though?" I wondered tiredly.

"Because you're different. That's all."

"No one thought you were crazy," I replied.

Keely put on a small smile. "You'd be surprised," She muttered.

"Surprise me." I stared at her, my heart ricocheting off my ribs, and back and forth again. Keely looked up finally, briefly, her eyes leveled with mine. It sounded and felt like neither one of us was breathing.

"I can't," She admitted. I didn't understand what she meant but I was barely hearing her anyway. _Why now_, I thought. When I needed her most, I lost her.

"I'm sorry," I said. I didn't know what I was sorry for.

"I'm sorry," She echoed. I didn't know what she was sorry for.

"I don't want to be insane," I said. "I hope Yazoo is doing the right thing. I'm going to let him take me back." All I was thinking about now were my sleeping pills. How, for their few precious moments, they'd relieve me of the pain of reality. "I want to get better."

"I know. I know," Keely replied, her eyes downcast. "I'm sorry. I did this to you," She added so quietly I barely heard her.

"No you didn't."

"Yes. Yes I did," A few tears ran down her face. "I _remember_."

I wanted to see what she was talking about. I don't remember her doing anything to me. I just know for some reason that there's always been a barrier between us. There was no explanation for this barrier; it came, and it stayed. I obeyed the barrier. I didn't understand why my heart blocked out Keely. She apologized again...

"It isn't fair. I should be the one not getting cured. But don't worry about it, you'll be better in no time," Keely said out of nowhere. She was standing now and her tears were gone. It was as if nothing happened. The intensity was gone.

I got up too. "I hope so," I replied, deciding to forget her break down too.

Keely laughed. "What _is _wrong with you, silly?" She asked smiling.

I wasn't in the joking mood. Her words still echoed in my head. _I remember, I did this to you, I'm sorry..._

"Nothing," I replied. _I fucking love you_, I thought._ That's what's wrong. But I can't love you because something happened between us. And now everything is fucked up. And I'm fucked up. And no one believes me and everyone thinks I'm crazy and everything is all just one big mess. _

Keely had more important things to worry about than the past. She had her hair, and who can forget Nate, after all.

Downstairs I went up to Yazoo. "What's up?" He wondered, putting a jacket on.

"I'm ready to go back now," I replied.


	8. Chapter 8

**Keely:**

I closed my eyes and felt Ursula trace liner on my eyes; she then began padding my eyelids softly with eye shadow. "Whose all going?" I asked casually.

"Oh, the usual," She replied. She paused and I opened an eye; she was mixing a brush into a pad of red lip gloss. She began applying it to my lips and I watched her concentrated face.

"I don't know how long I'll be able to stay this time," I continued, trying to just make conversation.

"Don't worry about it. You know Nate will get you home."

"He didn't last time," I pointed out half heartedly. Nate had been too baked to remember so I had to catch a ride from someone else at the last party. Ursula applied some fake eyelashes to me before replying.

"Don't worry kid. Nate's a busy guy; if you can't deal with his schedule, then ditch him." Ursula gave me a mirror to check out her work.

I held it up and peered at the face before me. A pretty girl with newly applied make up; brilliant green eyes with cat like pupils, mahogany colored hair falling down past her shoulders in locks. "I don't want to ditch him. I'd never do that," I said. Nate meant so much to me. He brought me into this world; the world of parties, friends, and fun. The stuff I only dreamed of doing before. And out of all the girls, Nate wanted _me_. The respect I got from others now that I was Nate's girl was special. I loved it, all of it.

"I gotta go pick up supplies," Ursula said knowingly. She scratched at her nose, near where her usual diamond studded piercing resided. Her big mascara and eye liner applied eyes blinked slowly at me, then she turned around to leave.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot though," I replied, flipping my hair out while watching myself in the mirror. I didn't have my own make up nor did I even know how to apply some of it, or at least make it look good, like how Ursula does. She's a twenty-three year old whose friends with a friend who knows Nate's sister, or something like that. She works at a beauty salon, but makes money off tattoo applying and usually picking up 'supplies' for us minors for the parties, too. Mostly like liquor and stuff. When Nate introduced her to me, we hit it off right away. She was partly drunk or stoned at the time I think, but she's agreed to do my make up ever since, so there must be something.

"Later, kid," Ursula waved her car keys at me and I waved at her back. There was another party going on pretty soon, and I wanted to be ready. Nate liked it when I wore make up.

At first I wasn't always so desperate to make him happy. He liked me the way I was. But lately I've been getting the feeling we're growing apart; it hasn't been too long since we started going out, so I'm scared it's going to end this fast. I didn't know what to do until the news of another party came up. I wanted to focus real hard this time; this party, I was going to prove to Nate I still wanted him to like me. So far things were going as planned.

A few hours later, he picked me up to go. He was silent as I got in the car and still when we drove on. "Did you hit up before you left?" I wondered casually. I was wondering if his silence was due to being high or something.

"Nah," Nate replied vaguely. Parking the car a block away from the designated party area, Nate opened my side of the car and helped me out. I appreciated the gesture and took it as a sign things weren't completely falling apart yet.

"You don't need to worry about this party," Nate said as we started to walk over. "No need to stay close. You can wander, it ain't that bad, no serious trouble. You can relax and talk to whomever you want." I nodded. Nate always warned me about certain parties; in the beginning he wouldn't allow me to leave his side. He said it was too dangerous to be wandering off alone and somebody might try messing with me. It's been this way every other party. I wondered what made this one so different.

"Out of habit, I might just follow you again this time," I joked. Nate gave me a small smile, but didn't laugh or comment back. I hushed up and heard familiar party noises in the distance.

"Nate, 'sup?" A few guys came over and gave Nate high fives, slapped his back, and already thrust into his hands cigarettes and bottles. At me they nodded slightly in acknowledgement. I just gave them the smallest of smiles, and flipped my hair back casually. No need to get personal.

Walking inside, the music got louder and people were strewn everywhere, doing all kinds of things. Couples made out on sofas, others sat around chatting, drinking, and smoking. A few people were dancing, but it hasn't gotten that hardcore yet. That was my favorite part about parties, the dancing I mean. I was real good at it and it always made me feel better.

"Keely!" A girl voice called out. Some of my new friends, whom knew Nate, waved me over to a sofa where they were sharing a joint. The girl who called me over was called Stacy; she was friends with Nate and I think used to go out with him. I'm not sure. Anyway, she was always nice to me, so it didn't matter.

"Wanna?" She asked, taking a drag on the joint and indicating that I should take some too.

"Nah, that's alright. I got my happy stuff right here," I told her, taking out a few of the Science Department's shots, from my doctor's office. I wasn't planning on shooting them up now of course; only when the dancing got hardcore. I used the energy and power the shots gave me to dance all night.

Stacy giggled. "You always have that stuff with you. I'd put it away if I were you; some of the kids you let share that got pretty sick. You don't want to get in trouble."

I stared at her confused. How did the shots make them sick? It did great things to me. What was the difference? "What kind of sick?" I asked Stacy.

She sighed and took awhile to answer. "I don't know that much. I remember you gave some to Carl. A few days later he called saying he had a headache. I went over to check things out; he had all these gnarly bruises and shit." Stacy puffed on a cigarette someone handed to her.

"That's weird," I muttered, stuffing the shots deeper in my purse. I didn't want anyone getting hurt from them; maybe I'm the only one who should take them. They were after all made only for me. Weren't they?

"It was so insane. For awhile he had those same trippy eyes; you know, like yours. We all laughed and laughed. We found out your secret, Keely," Stacy giggled. She looked up at me then stuck her arm out. "C'mon, shoot me up. I want your eyes."

I shook my head at her. "No way. Not if it's going to get you sick." I turned away from her and walked into the growing throng of people dancing. I tried to find Nate, but he was nowhere to be found.

The music, lights, and smells were getting me dizzy, so forgetting about Nate I made my way into a bathroom. I used up one shot then popped some of the ward's pills in my mouth. I felt better almost immediately. Renewed energy now in me, I burst out of the bathroom and on to the dance floor.

I swished my hips and whipped back my hair, twirling and swirling and doing all kinds of hardcore dance moves. More people joined in and someone turned the music up even louder. In a blur of voices, music, and people, I just focused all my energy in dancing. I danced alone; I danced with others, even other guys. Nate wasn't even on my mind in those precious moments. However, soon the energy wore off and I found myself thirsty.

I said my good byes to the people around me. They begged me to stay and continue but I shook my head politely and tried to find a kitchen somewhere. I wiped at my forehead, found a bottle of water in an ice bucket somewhere near some chairs and took a big gulp. That's when I saw it.

Nate was all over this girl while sitting in these chairs at the corner. It took me awhile to swallow; then I just froze and watched them. _Why would he do that?_ I thought frantically. _When I was like, inside the very same room practically? _

Suddenly the girl noticed me. She stopped kissing Nate and indicated towards me with her eyes. As she got up and walked away, Nate gave me a long look. I turned around and headed outside.

I heard Nate behind me only moments later. "Keely, c'mon, stop." I turned around. He was trying to catch up; I realized I was walking pretty fast.

"There's no need, Nate," I replied, but I did slow down.

"Just listen for a second!" Nate grabbed my arm and I faced him. I wasn't really feeling anything at the moment; I was angry, that's for sure. But for some reason, I couldn't yell at him.

"What?" I wondered.

"Back there, with that girl. Didn't mean anything." He reached for my face but I smacked his arm away.

"Maybe not to you, but to me it did," I replied coldly.

Nate grunted. "Why are you getting so worked up about it? I see you dancing with other guys all the time, and I don't get jealous," Nate snapped.

"That's different. I'm not making out with them." I felt my eyes swell with tears but I didn't let them fall. Not yet.

"Look, I'm sorry, or whatever. It's done. What can I do now?" Nate wondered impatiently.

"You're right. It is done. It's done between us," I forced out of my mouth, but somehow, I found myself saying it easily. Was it really me even speaking? It didn't feel like it, yet I was cheering this bold Keely on. I sensed from the beginning something was off from this particular party; I realize now it's because Nate wasn't with me anymore. We weren't together.

I found myself crying yet I was mixed between feeling relieved, embarrassed, and used. Nate just used me to show me off; but in turn I used him to get popular. Nate didn't love me and I didn't love him. _This _was basically going nowhere.

"You breaking up with me?" Nate asked almost incredulous.

_Uh, duh, asshole_, I thought, but didn't dare say that aloud. "Yeah," I whispered quietly instead, and then louder, "Yeah. We're over. Sorry."

"Damn it," Nate cursed, then ran a hand through his hair, all upset. "It's...It's that friend of yours, isn't it? Your ex? That freak? It's because of him," Nate suddenly fired.

It took me awhile to realize he was talking about Kadaj. "What?" I replied confused. "What the fuck are you talking about? I'm breaking up with you because I just caught you cheating on me. Don't you dare turn the blame on me." I gazed at him angrily, but slowly realized he was right. I only had true, real love for Kadaj, but I needed a sturdy distraction for awhile. Or maybe I wanted to make him jealous. Probably all of the above.

"You were probably playing me from the beginning," Nate countered. "With..._him_." Nate looked disgusted and my anger grew.

"Hey, you shut the hell up," I growled. "He's my best friend. He's practically family. Don't talk crap about him." I shook my head, and knew I had to leave, like, _now_. My head swam from lack of pills or shots or whatever the hell I needed so I figured I needed to get to headquarters soon. Besides, I knew it'd make Kadaj's day that I finally broke up with Nate.

"Whatever," Nate grumbled. "You're going to regret doing this. Don't even dare coming near one of my friends again. So no worries, that'll give you plenty of bonding time with that weirdo lover of yours." Nate shoved his hands in his pockets, turned around, and walked back.

"Whatever," I muttered to myself as well. I didn't even care at this point. This whole time I was trying to convince myself I was over Kadaj; but lately, I've only been getting closer to him. He was a much better kisser anyway.

While walking up the street, I dialed Lucy's number on my cell phone. When she picked up I told her I needed a ride.

"Hop in," Lucy said once she got there and I opened the passenger door. "Aren't you cold?" She wondered.

I was wearing only a black tank top with my jeans. Yes, I was freezing my ass off, but I rather freeze than wear Nate's dumb jacket. Which, I had gladly disposed of in the nearest dumpster. "Yeah, but I'm good," I told her, grinning shakily.

Lucy didn't start the car and looked at me. "Something's wrong. What happened? You never ditch a party this early. And where's Nate?" Lucy knew all about him, of course.

"We're over," I announced bluntly. I didn't feel relived or easy about it anymore though. The more time that passed by afterwards, the more I suddenly felt uneasy. I had wiped my tears already, but I felt more coming their way._ What's wrong with me? _I wondered. _From the beginning Nate was just a temporary thing._ Even _I _was a temporary thing to him, until he got bored of me. So we're basically even.

Lucy finally started up the car and I let out a sigh to relax. I tried to make myself feel better by knowing I soon would be with Kadaj again. I had a lot of time to make up for not being with him in his time of need, all alone in that ward. I felt sick to my stomach with guilt.

"Who ended it? You, or him?" Lucy wondered out of curiosity.

"I did," I replied, hugging my arms. "Don't look so worried. I'm ok, really," I managed a smile.

"I'm not worried. I'm sort of glad. Nate was a great guy, but I think you're better off with Kadaj," Lucy gave me a wink, and I got freaked out by the fact she basically read my mind.

"If he'll even talk to me at this point," I muttered unhappily. I didn't even deserve Kadaj at this point, either.

"He should. I'll make him," Lucy declared. We pulled up next to the Shin-Ra gates; Lucy unlocked the car door and I made my away outside. "Good night!"

"Later," I waved and she turned the car around. I began my walk up to the building. I stopped by my room first (to grab a jacket) then I walked to Kadaj's room. He didn't buzz me in, so when I pick locked his door I opened it myself. However he wasn't in his room. "Weird," I mumbled.

There's only one other place he'd be, if he wasn't in the lab or something, which would also be kind of weird. I walked back down the hallway; my boots echoed in the empty halls, for no one was out this late on a Saturday night.

I dropped down into the dark passageway, after opening the janitor hole up on the surface. I haven't been down here in so long, it takes me awhile to both collect memories and focus my eyes to the darkness. Walking forward, I call Kadaj's name aloud once or twice.

"Over here." I heard him reply quietly. I smiled to myself and sprinted over to where a flashlight turned on, and there was Kadaj's figure sitting atop a pipe.

"Hey." I stood infront of him, grinning, just happy to be there. There wasn't much to say.

"Well?" Kadaj seemed impatient. "Why did you track me down here for?"

My smile dropped slightly and I remembered I hadn't been the best kind of friend lately. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. You know, ignoring you, not being at headquarters anymore, spending all my time with Nate." I took a seat next to him. "We're over, so it's all good now."

"Congratulations," Kadaj mumbled, swinging the flashlight slightly. He didn't sound at all happy or proud of me or anything that I had imagined.

"Aren't you glad? You don't seem too well these days. You seem pretty out of it," I noted gently.

"Yeah," Kadaj replied vaguely. "I'm pretty 'out of it'..." He then turned his head to look at me. "I come here to be alone. Yeah, I'm alone most of the time, but in my room they can find me. No one can find me here."

I looked back at him. It seemed he was implying that I interrupted his 'alone' time. "_I_ can find you," I teased. "I can find you everywhere." I chuckled but Kadaj didn't laugh back.

"Anything else you want to tell me?" He suddenly asked.

I pressed my lips together. "Um...not really. I thought me breaking up with Nate was news enough." Really, I thought it would be something that could cheer Kadaj up and even allow him to talk to me again. It didn't seem to be working.

On the verge of tears, I decided to leave before I broke down in front of him. "I-I better go," I said, getting up and heading towards the exit.

"Later," Kadaj murmurs, switching his flash light off.

♡♡

Waking up with a splitting head ache wasn't my idea of a good morning start. I lay in bed half asleep for hours, not even eating. I was glad no one even bothered me, and for once let me sleep.

When I felt a little better, I walked to my therapist's office. Not only have I missed a whole bunch of meetings, but I thought getting my thoughts straight would be best at the moment.

"Keely," My therapist says, somewhat in question, but I wasn't surprised. I haven't obliged to any sort of meeting at all these past few weeks. Was it months?

"Yeah, the one and only," I replied with a small smile. I took a seat on the client couch. "I hope you don't mind how many meetings I've skipped. As you know, I've been awfully busy. But...I'm pretty much over being 'busy'. I'm winding down," I practically announced.

My therapist nodded, taking a seat at her desk. "That's good to know. Maybe you do need a break from all your mishaps and adventures, no?" She promptly whipped out a clip board and studied me. "So tell me," She began. "What's on your mind?"

"Too much stuff," I replied sighing. "I have a huge headache. I'm wondering, any medication of mine good for headaches?" The night before I had thrown away every left over shot I had. I didn't need them for energy and strength anymore; I was practically over parties. Not that there were any that I wanted to go too, in which Nate and his gang wouldn't be at.

Combing my fingers though my hair, I also noted, that the reason I began taking extra doses of shots in the first place was to only cure my hair quicker. My hair was glowing and full of color as usual and more than ever; no need to take so many shots I'll end up having all my hair fall off. Yes, I did _continue_ taking them for the sake of my eyes. But it didn't seem to working; and I actually _did_ like my eyes, and at least I had something left over from the old Keely.

"Your pills would work for that," My therapist said. I gave her a wry smile. If it was up to these doctors, those 'pills' they make Kadaj and I consume ferociously could probably cure any disease in the entire world. _Or cause them_, I found myself thinking.

"Thanks." I fingered the ends of my hair and awaited another question.

"So Keely. You slept pretty hard this morning. Any strange dreams?"

I shrugged. "Not particularly. After any party I get pretty whacked out images in my head; but I know for a fact that's just flash backs from the party. You know, colors, images, voices, etc. Besides, it's not like I can tell what they mean. So they don't matter," I replied.

"They do very much matter," My therapist countered, writing stuff down by the second.

"They do?"

"Of course. They explain a whole different story than what's going on outside of you," She explained vaguely, but then went on to ask more questions, some of them entirely not even on subject anymore.

By this point I wasn't listening anymore. I suddenly felt violated, like these people were intruding my privacy or something. I vaguely replied to all the questions, almost, some I didn't even answer. I told her my headache was growing worse so I left the office.

So far that's been the only meeting I've had. I didn't go to any more, and tried my best not to deal with any doctors of any sort. When they forced me onto operation tables, I fought back. I gave them hell about giving me shots. I ripped tubes away from my arms and demanded to be left alone. When they did leave me by myself in my room, I was always watching the door, scared that they'd come back to get me. But for the most part this week, they've left me alone like I told them too.

Even though I attended school, I wasn't doing much there. I went to classes but didn't even pay attention. Sometimes I just didn't go. I thought about Kadaj, how they had him drop out, and I thought of doing the same. It was really pointless for me to be there. I had no friends, I had nothing going for me, and most of all I didn't want people to see me. I didn't want Nate or any of his friends to see me either. Why should I go to a place that I hate?

The day I quit school and had my therapist sign some papers, I ran to Kadaj's room. I wanted to tell him about my freedom. Well, it wasn't exactly my freedom, for now I had to stay at the headquarters twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, etc. But it was better than wasting away at school. I didn't tell my sisters because I knew they wouldn't approve, but I _had _to leave. I just had too.

"Kadaj?" I knocked on his door. "Yo, open up!"

His face peered out from behind the door seconds later. He looked really tired; eyes were rimmed red, his face was very pale, but his eyes glowed unusually bright. "Hey," He said carefully. His voice was groggy.

I opened the door farther to let myself in and looked him up and down worriedly. "What's wrong? I haven't talked to you in awhile...Did something happen?"

Kadaj was wearing a plain black t-shirt that was faded, and jeans. Both articles of clothing looked particularly tight on him. I wondered why he even bothered to get dressed if he didn't go anywhere, but I shook that thought away from my mind. Unlike me, Kadaj was forced out of school. He took a seat at the edge of his bed, rolling what seemed like a balled piece of paper between his hands. His gaze was steadily scanning the wall behind me, and I resisted turning around to see what was so interesting.

"I've just been really...sick," Kadaj replied. I could tell he was, because his voice was unusually husky. With the whole psycho mad man glare he was showing off, the whole act had the wrong effect on me. Instead of feeling bad for him and wanting to make him feel better, I was strangely turned on by the whole 'tortured rock star at rehab' look he was exhibiting.

"Yeah, you...certainly sound horrible," I said without meaning too. I resisted the urge to slap my forehead. "Um, I mean, uh...So, what have you been doing lately?" I changed the subject.

To my delight Kadaj lay back on his bed, his pale stomach showing almost all the way due to the small shirt. He tossed the ball of paper up and down at himself, like a cat playing with yarn. "I've been put through a lot of shit lately. It's like, every day I wake up feeling worse than the last, and they're always putting me up to these operations. I'm always tired and I feel sick, but nothing they're doing is helping." He coughed, perhaps for good measure, and stopped tossing the paper. His head rolled to the side and stayed there, looking away from me.

I crawled into bed next to him and began playing with the belt loops on his jeans. "Well, the reason I came to visit you in the first place was because I'm not going to school anymore," I told him. "More time for you to visit me, right?" I smirked, and hoped he'd look at me.

He faced his head forward and up, looking up at me with a cute confused face. "I...I don't know if I'd be able too. I can barely walk, I'm so exhausted these days..." He raised his hand for a few seconds, and I took it with my own, smiling down at him.

"Then I'll visit you. Try to get better, ok? I didn't quit school for nothing, you know. And don't let those doctors push you around. Trust me, I have to fight them off all the time," I said.

Kadaj's eyes widened slightly. "I can't fight them off. How would I be able to do that...? Besides, they say I'll get better. Hopefully," He rubbed one of his eyes and looked so adorably sleepy.

I just chuckled, to this confusion, and leaned down to kiss him. He sat up before I did and looked at me, sort of scared. I sighed and gave him a small smile. "When you get better...I'll make up for all that time I spent with Nate. Ok?" I promised quietly. Kadaj just looked down and I got off his bed. I wondered why he didn't say anything back, and why he didn't let me kiss him. I thought we were on good terms. What had I done now?

"Bye," I called softly, wondering if he even heard me as I shut the door. He was still looking down sadly, and hadn't watched me leave. I was still feeling rather confused and heartbroken when I passed by my therapist's door. "It wouldn't hurt...would it?" I asked myself. I opened the door and asked for an emergency meeting.

Moments later I was crying my heart out whilst laying down on the client's couch. "I just don't understand what I have to do now," I sobbed. "He doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. I know I did something wrong but I thought I had fixed it. Why are we still...We're still so far apart..." I wiped at my eyes.

"What was it that you did to him?" My therapist asked.

I shrugged frustratingly. "I don't remember! And if _he_ does, he doesn't talk about it. He's just always ignoring me." I sniffed and began tying my hair up in a ponytail. I watched my therapist dial something on a cell phone looking object.

"Keely, I want you to do something for me." My therapist's eyes suddenly shot up and peered at me strangely. I gulped and felt strangely queasy. I wondered if it was just my stomach shaky from crying. "Listen carefully," My therapist went on.

I forced the tears to stop yet my bottom lip still quivered. I hugged myself and nodded, wondering why she was looking at me like that, and what was so interesting about that message she got...

"Keely dear, listen carefully. We have a proposition for you..."


	9. Chapter 9

**Kadaj:**

I begged for them not to take me in. "Please," I persisted, clenching my fists tightly. My stomach churned and the nerves started up. "I'm too sick. No more, please."

One of the professors gave me a stern glance. "You can't afford to be missing these operations, Kadaj. We need to find out why you're getting sick."

_Well, you're not helping_, I thought. I shook my head, stubborn. The other professor, a gentle looking female, looked at me and worry flickered across her eyes. She averted my eyes when I met them with hers, and looked down at her clipboard.

"Maybe...we can skip out just this once," She told the other guy, fiddling with her glasses. She cleared her throat, and reached into her white lab coat pocket distractedly.

The male professor grunted. He had wrinkles and bold eyebrows. He didn't look as friendly as she did. "Fine," He replied gruffly, turning around and heading out of my room. The female professor remained a few seconds longer, long enough to give me a small smile.

"We're not trying to hurt you," She murmured. "Just understand that."

I wanted to talk to her more. I didn't get that much bonding time with these doctors. That way, it always seemed like they were just using me. I saw them as bad people. But this girl was nice looking, and wasn't treating me like some lab rat. "It's hard to understand exactly _what _you're doing," I replied.

She smiled again. "It's complex. Hard to follow. I'd tell you, but it's a long story and hard to understand," She said gently and finally left.

I wondered if I_ would_ understand. I didn't like secrets, and this place was way too secretive. Relieved that I wasn't going to the lab today, or any other operation room, I lay on my bed and remained there. Everything I did lately exhausted me so much. Even talking.

But at least that was the only thing. Headaches were now gone, and so was that fuzzy state of mind I usually had. It all started when I stopped taking my pills. My head cleared and my mind was sharpened; but the only thing now was that the operations were still making me tired.

There was a knock on my door. "Come in," I called out. I coughed and watched as Keely made her way over to my bed, carrying a paper bag.

"Breakfast!" She singed, waving it back and forth.

"Not hungry," I mumbled, which was the truth. I hadn't been very hungry lately.

"Lies," Keely scoffed, revealing a bagel from the bag and two plastic knives. "I took the time to get you this so you better eat it. I was going to wait until later but a doctor told me you weren't being operated on today." Keely had already spread cream cheese on her own bagel, and taking that from the bag as well she bit into it.

"Thankfully," I agreed, sitting up against my pillows. "I don't think I could have survived another one. Besides, they're only making me tired all the time. One day without one would be just the thing to make me better." I watched Keely carefully spread cream cheese on one side of my bagel. "Sometimes, sometimes you know," I continued, "I think this is just their plan. They don't want me better."

Keely rolled her eyes. "Don't start off with that rebel bullshit. Why else would they keep you in here? What other real purpose do they have of locking you in this room? What, to like, torture you or something? There's no 'plan' Kadaj," Keely bit her bagel again and chewed abit before continuing, "It's just taking forever for something to happen, that's why they're trying hard. There's gotta be something wrong in you, that's like, not letting you get cured or something."

I sighed, laying back down. "Well I'm growing impatient. If by now nothing's happened, then maybe I'm meant to be this way. I seriously don't want to go through with this stupid experiment anymore," I grumbled.

Keely shrugged sadly. "It's too late now, you have no choice."

"I have a choice. I stopped taking my pills because I _chose_ too," I told her. Keely looked at me worriedly; the hand holding the bagel lowered slowly until it rested on her lap, unmoving. She stared intently at nothing, and I continued. "Yeah, I stopped. I haven't even been feeling bad about it; if you ask me, it's helping. I was going to ask you to do the same-,"

"Will...," Keely murmured suddenly, and I stopped. "Will it help? I mean, I want to get cured faster too." Tears streamed slowly down her face and I thought it was totally unnecessary. Why was she crying? Keely gingerly picked up a stray strand of her hair laying on her shoulder, twirling it around her forefinger. "I know my hair is different and all, but I still feel the same."

"Have you stopped taking those shots?" I wondered. Keely nodded slowly. I gave off a little sigh of relief; I'm glad that scary period of time where Keely was completely addicted to those doctor's shots was over. It helped with her hair, but both of us weren't at all sure what really was in those things. That goes for the pills too.

"If we stop taking all this medication they give us, we could try and come to a conclusion about things," I said, my mind already whirling with ideas and inspirational thoughts. Suddenly my mind was cleared up and some of my strength was coming back. But not all of it. Still sitting up on my bed, I reached over and took my bagel from on top of Keely's paper bag, where it had been laying this whole time.

"You want to try an experiment..._within_ the experiment?" Keely suggested, shifting a bit from where she sat at the edge of my bed.

"Exactly," I replied, taking a small bite of bagel. I put it down almost immediately afterwards though. "The doctors won't know a thing. We'll just lie, and...," The plan was gradually forming in my head.

"Kadaj," Keely leaned forward, removed the bagel from my hand and grasped my hand in hers instead. "What's the point of not doing what we're told? We're stuck here." Her eyes searched my face.

"We'll run," I said. Somehow I think she was expecting me to say that; something told me she even _wanted_ me to say those words. "We'll run away."

The corners of her lips turned up slightly. "Run away where?" She murmured.

"Cloud's house," I replied, nodding as the plan all came together. This was all I told Keely however. There was more, so much more, to this plan. But those ideas and thoughts were _not_ to leave my head. I still couldn't afford to fully trust Keely, or anyone else for that matter.

♡♡

Since giving up the pills, my senses turned sharper, and I felt somewhat..._better_. Even when I didn't eat much, I was very strong. I didn't mind these changes. Before, I always had headaches, felt groggy, and was mellow. That's how I remember myself anyway. I liked the way I was now, and to tell you the truth, I think I've gotten more of my sense back.

I was no longer sick. Within a few days of officially not taking pills, my health returned to normal and possibly even _better_ than normal.

The price of this better self of mine though was brief scary flashbacks. All the time I feel one coming, I'll try and concentrate on them, but it's very hard. I don't know what they mean, and they often scare me.

I have more luck with my nightmares. I get them every night. Somehow they seem connected to my flashbacks. I know for a fact they're both trying to tell me the same thing. But the thing they're telling me...scares me most of all.

Memories began to flood into my mind. Stuff from a long time ago, from before I even came to the headquarters with Keely. Stuff from way before I even knew who Keely was. Sometimes it was even stuff I could have sworn could have happened to me a few months ago...

It wasn't always my memories either. Sometimes it felt like they were someone else's. This just made me all the more confused.

This all I had to do on my own. No friends, no scientists. I wanted to figure it out by myself. I wanted to know _why _not taking these pills was in turn making me _better_, when taking the pills themselves was supposed to. I wanted to figure out the message behind all these scary incidents.

The only way to do that was to get out of the prison that was the headquarters. I no longer felt like I was human here; all my power was diminished into nothing, and they classified me as a mere specimen that no longer voiced important opinions. I couldn't do or say much of anything I wanted, and it was high time that I left this place for good.

♡♡

_Walking forth slowly, I gaze about me at this new surrounding. It amazed me; giving me a sense of magic. This place felt so alive. It felt like home. And Father was awaiting my return here and I know he wanted to tell me something. _

_Leaves crunching beneath my feet, and the only sound other than that were faint gusts of wind rattling the trees. Everything seemed to glow, and I thought this place very beautiful. _

"_I need to bring Keely here," I said to myself. "I need to bring everyone here." _

_Still walking, and so entranced with this forest, I don't realize I have come to a lake. I almost step into the water but back away just in time. It has grown darker. The water glows. Standing on a little island of rock in the middle of the lake was Father. _

"_Kadaj," He says. "Why are you being so stubborn?"_

"_Stubborn?" I repeat, confused. _

"_I bring you here as much as I can. But you can't come here by yourself. Why not? Are you still afraid?"_

"_Afraid of what?" I wonder. _

"_You tell me." Father stood there, and even though he faced me I think his eyes were closed. I tried crossing the lake but the water was painfully cold. _

"_I want to cross this water," I tell him. _

"_Why?"_

"_Because I want to be with you." I squat down, staring at the water. I dip a finger in but pull it back instantly. It's almost as if the water is biting me. I start to cry. "It won't let me." _

"_You're not ready yet."_

"_When will I be ready?"_

"_When you find out your true self. When you find out your powers. When you break free from your prison. When you listen to the voice. Then...you can follow me." _

"_Where will you be?" I wondered, sitting down on the ground and staring angrily at the water. _

"_Here. Waiting."_

"_For me?" I asked, hopeful. _

"_Perhaps. If it is only you that wants to follow."_

_I nod and start getting up. Everything is now so simple. All I have to do is follow the voice. And find out my powers, or whatever. And all the other stuff. It should be easy. Before I completely turn around and start walking away, I look over my shoulder at Father. "Is the voice Mother?" I wonder out of curiosity. _

_Father had turned around too, his back towards me. He was making his way into a cave. "Yes," He replied before completely disappearing. _

I woke up with a start. I blinked my eyes a few times and tried to remember what I had just dreamed. _Is it him?_ I thought. _Is it Father...?_

I got up from my bed and immediately got dressed. Today was the day. I had to leave headquarters; figure out what was going on. Only one person had the answer. I had never thought of finding Father before this. He was never in my thoughts period, due to all the therapy and drugs I had been taking from this place.

_They're hiding me from it_, I thought. _They're hiding me from everything. _

Well, it's time I found it. It's time I found everything again. It's time I found Father...and found out what he _wanted from me. _I was tired of being called over and over again. Pulling open my room door, I looked around and saw no one was outside.

Walking briskly, my mind made up, nothing holding me back, I came upon Keely's room. I didn't forget what she said; she deserved to run away just as much as I did. I didn't want her staying here either.

"Kadaj?" A sleepy looking Keely raised her head up slightly from her pillow. I walked forward into the room a bit and just told her to get dressed. "What for? What are you doing?" Keely didn't sound all that tired anymore; she quickly got up and ran for her closet.

"We're leaving," I replied bluntly. "I had another dream. I'm tired of staying here and not ever knowing anything. I have to find Father, and I have to find out what's wrong with me." I felt as if I've said these words before. I sighed, and continued, "I'm tired of this place. There's nothing for us here. If we want answers, we need to look for them ourselves."

Keely shakily started to zip up a jacket. "We're going to look for your _dad_?" She wondered incredulously. "Now?"

I looked over at her. "Don't worry about it. It'll all be fine. You have to trust me."

Keely smiled faintly, giving her room one last glance around. "I'll always trust you, Kadaj. Too bad you can't say the same for me." Her smile faltered.

"I'll say the same for you...If you join me in this," I told her. "I'll know to trust you and everything."

Keely laughed hollowly. "Promise?" I nodded. She nodded too and walked over to her room door, setting an auto lock to take place in ten seconds. We left the room and she waited until the door had locked itself before joining me.

"Ok. I'm ready," Keely said, tucking her hands in her jacket pockets and looking down.

I removed one of her arms from the pocket and held her hand. "Don't be scared. I know what I'm doing," I reassured her.

"I'm not scared," Keely scoffed defensively, but welcomed my hand with a tight grip. I set to leading her down the hallway and all of a sudden I felt a wave of remembrance, and I felt suddenly familiar with my surroundings. Something told me I'd be able to pull this off.

Not a sound disturbed us, and the silence was almost unbearable. _This is too easy_, I thought. I looked around, but no guards. Keely took note of our somehow freedom to just walk away, and letting go of my hand, she sprinted further down the lobby.

"These people are obviously so stupid," She said softly, with her trademark half smirk on her face. "C'mon, if the alarms go off when we exit the door, we have to get ready to run full throttle."

I watched curiously as Keely closed her eyes and seemed to meditate. I didn't need such practices, all I needed to do was tell my body to run and it'd run, even more so if in a state of panic should the alarms go off. I know very well what I'm up against, but the element of fear still lingers within me.

Releasing all the air in her lungs, Keely spread her arms then let them fall limply at her sides. Her combat boots thunked heavily on the floor as she stepped closer and closer to the exit. I followed her briefly, but stayed back just incase. Keely slowly raised an arm and inched it towards the door, until the _swish_ of its electric slide gave off and almost immediately the alarms too. Keely's legs were a blur suddenly, and before I could even act she was at least half a mile away.

Putting aside how Keely managed to run so fast, I had already started running too and soon caught up to her. As soon as I was running right beside her, she abruptly stopped and I had to stop quickly to stay with her and almost fell flat on my face.

"Wait," She breathed, placing both hands on her knees as she caught her breath. She straightened out and looked behind her. We both saw the alarms go off but didn't see anyone else. "Is no one going to see what's wrong?" Keely questioned. Before I could reply, we heard the sirens of squad cars making their way closer. Keely chuckled hollowly. "That's more like it," She muttered.

I figured we'd have no chance should we decide to run and the guards stayed in their cars. Even Keely and I, with our unusual ability to run fast, can't surpass a vehicle. Well, we never tried, but I wasn't taking a risk. "C'mon, let's hide out and wait until they pass," I suggested. It was dark outside and I barely caught Keely nodding.

The Mako Reactors loomed overhead, and the smell of pollution was heavy. Keely managed to find a small corner between a fence and an old car without any tires or windows. "How long do we have to wait?" Keely wondered, scooting over the best she could as I tried to fit in the corner too. I had to squish up against her and it wasn't too comfortable.

"Um," I replied, trying to not look at her and remember what she said at the same time. "We'll see." Keely sighed and she looked scared again, but was trying hard not to show it. I kept watch ahead and kept my ears perked up for any sounds. After a few moments, to my horror, Keely stood up. "Hey!" I hissed. "The coast isn't clear yet."

"Yeah, so? I think it is. And even if it's not, it's because the guards are being silent. They're on foot. If anything, we can outrun them," Keely replied. She turned around and bent down to help me up. I reluctantly took her hand and stood up from that tiny corner.

Gingerly, Keely tip toed around the old car. I stayed behind. She was on the main path, the one we were running through, as she looked in all directions for any signs of security. All of a sudden she stepped back where a search light almost came to her face. I sighed with relief, but nerves crept into my stomach all the same. That was a close call, and the guards were still looking for us.

"Keely," I hissed nervously, wanting her to come back to where the lights couldn't reach us. She was pushing it too far by staying out in the open like that, even if it was really dark out. I called her again and she heard me this time. I saw her long hair swish back and forth as she turned around and began walking back.

I motioned for her to hurry up, but it was too late. Guards came out of nowhere, places I least expected. Part of their plan, perhaps. One seemed to jump down from an invisible wall, and two seemed to have appeared from the old car.

"Hold it!" I heard one cry. I instinctively jumped back, and relied on the shadows around me to steer clear from their range of sight. Keely wasn't so lucky and had nowhere to hide. The guards seemed to have spotted only her, anyway. "Release all weapons. Hands above your head where I can see them!"

A flashlight bathed Keely's face in light, and I could see her expression perfectly. She looked downright pissed off, as if she had just been taking a walk in the park when officers pulled her over. "Yeah, yeah. Like I have anything," Keely spat.

For some reason she kept her eyes downcast, and it looked as if they were closed. "What are you doing here at this hour, little girl?" A guard demanded. I wondered briefly if they even recognized her. If they knew who was running away, why were they acting as if Keely was a trespasser?

"I was going to meet up some of my friends here," Keely lied, her eyes still almost closed. "We were going to vandalize the property. Happy now?"

The guards grumbled and one mentioned something about taking her home and telling her parents. Whatever Keely's plan was, it was working, until a guard suddenly stopped all his buddies. "Wait a minute, missy!" He yanked her arms down and kept a steady grip on them.

Keely struggled but another guard grabbed her from behind. "Open your eyes!" Keely shook her head back and forth, and struggled even more. Her eyes were shut tight. "Open them!" The first guard demanded yet again.

Keely had no choice. Her eyes flickered open and the guards saw who she really was. "It's one of them," A guard muttered. "Take her back in." Even though Keely struggled until the last moment, both she and I knew it was over. I contemplated giving myself in, so Keely and I could run away together again for a second time. But the look she gave me, just before the guards pushed her enough away that the darkness consumed and I could no longer see her, said it all. She wanted me to continue. She was giving me the chance.

I heard the cars pull away and I slumped against the old car. I took a few moments to collect myself, and ready myself to get up and continue my journey alone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Kadaj: **

The city street lamps' lights bit into my eyes; I swerved and started to walk against the nearest wall. I was free. I looked over my shoulder, for a moment, just to make sure. There stood the headquarters. It loomed big and dark. I was gradually leaving it far, far behind.

"I did it. I ran away!" I murmured in realization. I needed awhile to collect myself. I was still jumpy from the guards almost catching me; still jumpy from staying back and watching as Keely got caught and taken away. Tears came to my eyes as it sank in. She wasn't going to be there when I finally found Father; she wasn't going to accompany me into this mysterious new quest. I wasn't even sure she knew what I was going to do or where we were going; but she accepted anyway, because she was my friend.

"Keely, Keely." I shook my head and wondered where I was even headed. I found myself close to my former high school. When I finally stood before the buildings, the sign, everything, I stood there for about twenty minutes, maybe even more. Memories flooded and I felt my heart sink. Never would I go to school again; I wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad. School never was one of my favorite things. But it had been a part of me like it was a part of every other kid's life. I wasn't any other kid. That's what hurt the most.

I forced my head into a different direction. I caught sight of the bridge I used to stand at, gazing at the dirty water below. It was a place I often went to pass the time after school ended and before I absolutely had to be home, for I had hated home so much. Now I wish I was back there, with Father and my brothers. But I had just taken everything for granted. Just beyond that bridge would be my former house.

_Dare I walk across that bridge?_ I thought_. Dare I give myself the pain of past memories?_

The funny thing was, I had never thought about any of these things while I was in that stupid ward. It wasn't until now I remembered things from the past, even if it wasn't really the past, but what happened only a couple of months ago. To me it felt like a long time.

Moments later I stood before that very house. I had dared myself and pulled through with it. Was this a sign that I was getting stronger? Was this a sign I was no longer the sick, weak minded ward patient that always did what he was told? The sign that I was now a stronger, able to think for myself individual who was realizing his mistakes? Perhaps. I needed more proof, though. I didn't go through the front door of the house, though undoubtedly it would have been unlocked. I decided to go to the side of the house and find where my room used to be.

Somehow the hole that was there got covered up. Somebody nailed planks of wood across it. How did that hole get there anyway? Oh yes. It's coming back. Loz did it...I don't know how, or why, but I was really mad at him at the time. I walked up to the planks of wood and began kicking at it until a plank came loose. Then another, and another, and I was able to fit through the tiny space I had created. I guess this would be the one and only time I should feel grateful to my sickly thin physique.

My room was dark, and it smelled. I ran my hand against the bare walls; in the darkness I would occasionally come across gashes, and stab holes. I finally found the light switch and turned the lights on. The light bulb was old and weak, so there was only a dull glow. It was enough to see my dresser was gone. My mattress remained; lumpy, stabbed clear through, and for some reason almost completely splotched with dried blood. I wonder what happened, and if someone was injured. Seeing as how the blood was dry, I take it whatever went down happened quite awhile ago.

The carpet had blood stains too. The smell only overwhelmed me more. I can't remember, and I'm hurting myself trying too. I walked into the bathroom and reached for the sink. No water. Of course. Somebody took my mirror away. Somebody left a pile of bloodied towels and clothes in the bathtub.

* * *

I didn't need to see more. I walked out of the house and continued on my way. I stood before Cloud's house moments later, and with a deep breath, walked up the porch steps. I didn't want to do this. But I couldn't go on in the dark like this, either. A place to stay for the night...all I wanted. I winced with every knock. It killed me that I had to interrupt somebody's sleep for my stupid self. 

Tifa didn't seem annoyed. She welcomed me in, said Cloud was gone, Loz was upstairs. As usual, whether it be during the day or in the middle of the night. I was glad she didn't bother me with questions...yet. I knew they'd come. I hoped nobody would call Yazoo to come, for he wouldn't understand. If Loz was the only one to hear my explanation, he'd let me go without question.

I walked into Loz's room, where he's been living since...well, I couldn't even remember. I just remember he had to leave. I know though, that Loz would rather live here. Of course now he has no choice, but even before. He and Cloud connected. I wish I could say the same for me, but I no longer looked up to Cloud, so I didn't care much anymore, anyway.

"Loz," I called in a hushed whisper, shaking his shoulder. He turned over and opened his eyes. I saw him trying to focus in the dark.

"Kadaj?" He wondered, rubbing one of his eyes. I smiled.

"Hey," I greeted, and shoved him lightly. "Move over, will ya?"

Loz scooted over and I crawled into the bed next to him. I sighed and rubbed my eyes, suddenly tired. "So, are you going to explain to me why you're suddenly in my bed in the middle of the night?" Loz wondered with a sarcastic tone.

I laughed hollowly. "I was going to explain in the morning. But all you need to know for now is that I'm just staying at Cloud's for the night; I need to continue tomorrow-,"

"Kadaj, did you run away?" Loz interrupted. I turned my head and saw that he was raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah," I admitted. "Don't tell Yazoo, he'll flip and-,"

"I know. I won't. But I'd like to know why-," Loz yawned and stretched, "-But you can tell me in the morning. You really shouldn't wake people up in the middle of the night, ya know."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm...," I closed my eyes and found myself yawning. "I'm really tired, ok? Just...wait...till morning." I couldn't talk anymore and decided to take this sudden exhaustion to my advantage. It was a first where for once I didn't need pills to help me sleep. I wasn't scared to close my eyes and await any horrible nightmares. I just didn't care at this point.

"Sure thing," Loz replied before he too drifted off. Hours later, I heard him wake up and get out of bed, in turn waking me up. Even though I had been so tired, I had only slept for an hour or so. I wasn't tired now, but felt bad that I didn't sleep as much. I had really thought I was getting better without anything medical related.

I was suddenly pushed right out of bed and fell to the ground with a painful thud. "Ow! What the hell?" I cried at Loz, who was obviously the one who had pushed me.

"Explaining time," Loz announced, putting on a jacket then sitting down to put his shoes on.

I rubbed my back and sat on the bed, then rubbing my forehead. "I don't know how to tell you this anymore," I started, suddenly unable to tell him anything to do with the plan. "I don't want to sound crazy," I muttered and ran a finger against the inside of my lower eyelid, where it had started stinging.

"Kadaj, you're not crazy. You've just been spending way too much time in that ward. They're probably _making_ you crazy," Loz replied, fiddling into his jacket pocket for his cigarettes.

"I don't think I'm crazy, but I don't plan to tell anyone what I'm doing because then they're going to think something and I don't want them to think anything because it's not true, and all they ever think-"

"Hey, slow down. Just tell me what's up, ok?" Loz interrupted.

I ran my hand through my hair. I realized I needed a hair cut. "Well...I've been getting these dreams. Nightmares, whatever. Anyway, I think Father is still out there. He wants me to help him, or at least talk to him or something. Acknowledge his presence, you know? I-I can't describe how I know, but I have to find him. I know it's real because I somehow know where he is, and I need his help, more than anything. I don't trust anyone except for you and Keely and-and well anyone but the stupid doctors so that's why I ran away, to find answers. I need answers," I completed, looking at Loz in a state of desperation. I probably looked desperate.

Loz looked at me for awhile. Before tossing a cigarette on the bed, he said, "That doesn't sound crazy at all, little bro. You just have too many missing pieces in your life. I know the feeling. Now, I kinda think the idea of finding Sephiroth-"

"-Father," I interjected.

"...Father," Loz continued, "Is kinda too much. Do you really feel he holds the answers to your questions?"

"Of course! Who else would? Unless every person on the planet is lying to me, in some scheme to completely turn my mind inside out, he's the only logical resource. He knows things. He's...he's _always_ known things, since the beginning. We were just too stupid to listen to him in the end," I replied, taking the cigarette Loz gave me and twirling it in my hands.

Loz leaned in to light it, then he leaned back in his chair again. He looked up at the ceiling in thought. "You always were the favorite," He then said.

I looked at him in complete surprise. "Are you even kidding?" I practically cried. "He hated me!"

Loz shook his head slowly. "Yazoo was so jealous. Pulling stunts. Being all bad ass to get attention, claiming he was gay, being all promiscuous and breaking practically every rule Father told us," Loz said, taking a drag on his cigarette then looking out the window as if outside was displayed a movie of his memories.

"Yazoo wasn't doing that to get attention," I replied. "He really was gay, for awhile, and he really did build a reputation of being a player and all that. That's just because he was cool. He was _able_ to do that. Father had nothing to do with it. Why would Yazoo risk his life for attention?" I wondered angrily.

"Because it was worth it," Loz looked me square in the eyes. "Why do you think I made every team I tried out in? Had top grades? Did everything Father wanted me to do? I wanted his love more," Loz grumbled.

"Oh, really?" I asked sarcastically. "That's why you left. That's why you hated him, because you wanted his _love_."

"I only ran away because I had enough. I realized there was no point in trying hard anymore. It killed me, really, to leave you alone with him. But I knew in the end it's just what he wanted. You and him to be together, with Yazoo and I out of the picture," Loz flicked his cigarette and watched the ashes fall to the ground.

I was staring at him but not really seeing him. I was trying to remember. I just...it was just so hard to take this all in. Me? The _favorite_? That's not what I remembered at all. "Keely. Keely, and her sisters. Why did he care so much that Yazoo had a girlfriend? Why did he care so much that we were friends with all of them?" I wondered.

"He didn't care that Yazoo had a girlfriend. Don't you remember?" Loz wondered. "If he had cared, he would have killed them off long ago. He would have chased Yazoo down, brought him back home. But he let Yazoo go live with them. What did he care? But you. You were different. He didn't want you socializing with _anybody_. I'm surprised Keely is even still alive. She's one tough chick," Loz murmured, taking another drag.

"Alive?" I cried. "Father wouldn't kill anybody!"

Loz started coughing hard and slammed a fist against his chest to help himself. "Damn, boy. Those docs sure screwed you up big time. It's like you got your whole memory erased," Loz cried angrily. "Don't you remember all of us having to sneak around his rules, to not get seriously hurt? Don't you remember our house burning down? Don't you remember Cloud's girlfriend, and why he _left_? Don't you remember Father almost slicing Keely's head off?" Loz threw all these questions at me and I just couldn't take it anymore.

"No! No, stop!" I screamed, holding my head in my hands. Loz leaned back in his chair calmly and watched me. I removed my hands and stared at him shakily. "Stop, please. I-I can't remember everything, but I do remember some. I...I went back to our house! I saw!" I cried.

"Calm down," Loz told me. "Try that cigarette, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overwhelm you. It's just...our whole situation gets me really worked up, ya know?" Loz closed his eyes for a second and flicked his cigarette again.

I didn't know how to smoke so when I tried inhaling I started to cough and even more tears came to my eyes. "I saw the blood," I finally muttered, wiping my cheeks. "What happened?"

Loz shook his head. "I'll let it come back to you. Something tells me if I told you, it'd end up like one of those traveling back in time movies where you can screw up the future with one little mistake," Loz gave me a smug smile.

"Ok," I replied and tossed the cigarette into a trash can.

"How is Keely anyway? I hope she's alright. I like her," Loz rolled his eyes up in thought again. "She looks really pretty with her hair all colored and stuff."

"Yeah," I replied distractedly, staring down. A chill ran through me and I wished Loz hadn't told me all those hurtful things about Father.

"Where is she? How come she isn't with you?" Loz blew out his cigarette and tossed it on the table.

"Um, she...She got caught," I replied, looking up at him.

Loz shook his head. "They're probably torturing the hell out of her now," He said solemnly.

I started to panic a little and gave him a questioning glance. "What...What do you mean?"

"Well, who else would know where you are?" Loz asked, pulling out another cigarette. I thought I was going to throw up. "You alright? You look faint," Loz wondered with a smirk.

I decided Loz was the last person I'd have another pep talk with. Yes, he understood, and didn't question me too much. But somehow, he just made matters worse by clouding my mind with much more thoughts than it needed. "Why are you stressing me out like this?" I demanded tiredly.

"I'm not. I'm trying to tell you the truth, but all you can do is get all sick over it. Well...it's kinda hard _not_ to get sick over the truth, isn't it?" Loz wondered mostly to himself. He stood up. "Tell you what. I'll drive you back to the headquarters and you can check if Keely's alright."

I stood up too. "No! I'm not going back after I finally was able to run away. You...You want me back there too, don't you? Both you and Yazoo just want me to go away, and be out of everyone's life, is that it?" I demanded.

"That's not it at all, little bro," Loz replied. "Can't you see there's nothing for you but danger out here? I mean, look at yourself. You want to go find _Father_? He's dangerous, man. You're going to end up killed and I'm going to feel bad about it."

"You're going to feel _bad_?" I repeated. "Yet you don't feel bad that you're forcing your own brother back into some mental ward?"

"It's not a mental ward, Kadaj."

"Oh, right, sorry, it's a _science department_," I rephrased, rolling my eyes. "A department that keeps me in a cell. That has 'doctors' drugging me up every chance they get because they can't handle me. Professors 'studying' me, like I'm some fucking experiment," I snarled. "I _rather _run away and die than stay there, Loz. Just to let you know," I said and headed for the door.

"You can't do this, Kadaj. You can't leave everybody behind like this," Loz protested, taking my arm.

"There's no everybody. I'm only leaving Keely behind, but I'll come back for her," I opened the door and turned one last time. "I'm sorry I ruined your morning."

"You didn't." I looked up and saw that Loz had tears in his eyes. I gave him a puzzled glance. "Just don't get hurt out there, ok?" He ruffled my hair. "I promise I won't tell Yazoo. If he finds out, it's because he guessed. I'll let you take my motorcycle."

I looked down and smiled faintly. "Thanks, but that's ok. I'm better off on foot." I patted Loz on the shoulder and descended the stairs. I felt bad about not thanking Tifa but she'd understand. I opened the door and headed out.

* * *

At first I didn't know where to go. But all of a sudden, at random moments, I would and I followed these instincts I didn't know existed. I found myself never tired or hungry, so I didn't waste any time getting to where I was supposed to go. Where was I going, where was I _supposed_ to go? I wasn't completely sure. I had no map to guide me; all I had were strange flashbacks that somehow helped. The only thing I needed to follow was feeling. 

Hours later I could have sworn I was asleep somewhere, dreaming; Was it possible that a dream can feel this real? Like in the movies, I pinched myself to make sure I was still awake. Looking around I wondered how I got here so fast. I wondered what time it was. I wondered why I had this familiar feeling squirming around deep down inside me.

I felt a smile form on my lips as I walked ahead, I walked ahead into this forest you see. I think it's a forest. There's trees. They're a gleaming white that contrast beautifully with the almost black sky. The blueish forest ground was all around me, never ending. The silence began to scare me and I walked faster.

I had been so preoccupied on getting out of the city and following my head was telling me that I hadn't yet got a chance to calm down and consider my surroundings. Now that I was here (I knew this was where I was supposed to be, I just had this feeling) I stopped trying to remember things and I pushed aside any images in my mind. Now my consciousness took over and it was reacting to my frightened state.

_I can't be here alone,_ I kept thinking_. Now it's too late, I'm here alone and it's scary. I wish Keely was here. I wish Keely was here. I wish Keely was here..._

I hugged myself and tried not to cry. The forest never looked any different; where the hell was I going? How did my feet magically know the way to where I _was _going?

Walking forth slowly, I gaze about me at this new surrounding once again. It amazed me all of a sudden; giving me a sense of magic. This place felt so alive. It felt like home. And Father was awaiting my return here and I know he wanted to tell me something.

Leaves crunching beneath my feet, and the only sound other than that were faint gusts of wind rattling the trees. Everything seemed to glow, and I thought this place very beautiful.

"I need to bring Keely here," I said to myself. "I need to bring everyone here."

Still walking, and so entranced with this forest, I don't realize I have come to a lake. I almost step into the water but back away just in time. It has grown darker. The water glows.

I look up and notice a cave, and I squint, trying to see if anything was in there. If there was anybody in there, it wouldn't of have mattered, because I needed a place to stay and find out where I was supposed to go next.

Gingerly, I place a foot in the water and wince from the cold. "Whatever," I grumbled and thrust my other leg into the lake much faster, causing a splash. I wade across as quickly as I could and in a few seconds I reached the small isle of rock that housed the cave. I walked up to dry land and shook out each leg a little, to get the feeling back.

"Hello?" I call out, and hear my echoed voice bounce around in the cave. I heard shifting and instinctively stepped back.

"Kadaj, is that you?" Came a voice I haven't heard in a long, long time. A voice I've only long since heard in my mind and not in person.

Father stepped out, looking something terrible. His long hair was somewhat matted, and dark circles had blossomed beneath his eyes. However, what I noticed almost instantly was the glow in his bright green eyes; they alone made him shine when otherwise we were kind of in a really dark place.

I smiled gratefully. I smiled relieved. I smiled in spite of everything I've been through since the last time I saw Father. I didn't care if it was all his fault that I was here, or that he disappeared when I needed him most. We were together again and now, now things could be once and for all solved and all my questions could be answered.

I stepped forward and hugged Father tightly, and my warm tears stained his clothes. "Father! I have so much I have to ask you...And...So much we have to talk about!" I declared excitedly.

Father grunted and placed a gloved hand upon my head. "I'm glad you made it and did as you were told. I knew you'd follow," He said.

I let go of him and he looked me in the eyes. I felt a familiar chill run through me. My smile faded slightly and I waited.

"Come." He held out a hand and smiled. I clung to his hand like a child as he lead me into the cave. Inside Father had set up a sort of hideout; there was a cot with blankets and a pillow, crates and bags of things lay against a wall, and finally there was a small fire being tended to by Father as I stood there and watched him.

"Why here?" I asked.

"Remember that one time, when you were in grade school, and the land lord told us to move? Remember how I told you and your brothers that we had to hide out for awhile until the land lord died and we could move back in again?"

I laughed. "Yeah," I replied. Of course, it was nothing like this. We weren't forced to live in some cave. I frowned and felt sorry for Father.

"Well, I couldn't live back at our house. So I had to hide here," Father explained, taking a seat by the fire.

"That's not true. I actually stopped by there recently; there's nobody living there. Why didn't you just go back?" I asked, walking forward and joining him.

Father smile and shook his head. "I already explained to you a thousand times over, how we can never live where we've already lived before. We always gotta keep finding somewhere new-"

"But why all the hiding?" I asked, tracing a circle on the floor of the cave with my finger. I didn't feel like my present self anymore, I realized as I waited for Father to answer. I felt like I was a little kid. I felt like I was back in time, when Father and I were sitting around while Yazoo and Loz were out and about. They played and spent their time happily; I, I was curious. I'd sit around Father and ask him questions like this all day long.

"You'll understand one day."

_That was always the answer,_ I thought. I wonder when that one day would come. I decided to change the subject. "How long will you be staying here?"

"As long as it takes." Father coughed then threw more twigs into the fire. "I have questions now," He decided. I was glad, because I couldn't find one question to ask him, even though these past few months had been filled with questions in need of answers. "How are your brothers?" Father wondered.

"Loz is still at Cloud's. I haven't been seeing much of Yazoo, but that's alright because we seem to always get in a fight when we're together. We don't see eye to eye exactly," I explained.

"About what?" Father asked.

I sighed and thought, well, here comes the hard part. I don't know how Father would react to me giving in to the ShinRa people. Of me letting them take me into their hands and use me however they liked. "I'm in...the Science Department at the headquarters...," I started, not looking up at him. "I find it now to be a big mistake. That's how I got here, because I was so sick and tired of it that I ran away. And they don't answer my questions. I thought you could answer my questions."

Father shook his head. "Maybe you wouldn't have so many questions if you just learned how to listen to me," He scolded. I frowned and hugged my knees to my chest.

"Are you mad?" I wondered softly.

"No," Father replied. "I already knew this was going to happen. It doesn't surprise me whatsoever. That's why I had you come here, because you're going to get your life back," Father explained.

"Will I be able to go back to school? Will Yazoo, Loz, and I live with you all together again, like old times?" I wondered desperately. How I wished to go back in time, and undo all the stupid mistakes I've done. Just the sight of Father infront of me brought me back to times I couldn't remember before.

"I think it's too late for Loz and Yazoo," Father replied. "If we do start all over again, it'll just be me and you."

My stomach sank and I considered how everything would be different. My tongue was on the verge of mentioning Keely, but I don't think it would have been such a good idea. Somehow I got the feeling Father didn't want Keely to be with us. I shifted and suddenly felt exhaustion hit me.

"I'm sorry to inform you that it's not over. You coming here was only the first step," Father suddenly explained in low tones. "I'm going to have you do something else for me. It might be hard...But I need you to try. It's probably going to be the most important thing you do..." Father watched me and I felt his eyes glare into mine. I tried to look away but I couldn't.

"What...What is it that I have to do now?" I asked him. I steadied my voice and continued, "You need to know I'm not with those people anymore, Father. I ran away from them. Forever. I only want to be with you."

"It is only natural you feel this way. You were never meant to be in that place. But unfortunately, you are going to have to go back...," Father explained.

"What?" I yelped incredulously.

Father nodded. "You see...there is something there was taken away from me. We need it. I don't know if you remember-"

"Wait," I cut him off. My mind whirled and my nerves crept up on me once again, overwhelming me. "You don't mean...Mother, do you?" I whispered. Father merely looked at me, and after a moment or so he smirked.

"I'm glad they haven't knocked out _all_ the sense in you," Father replied. "Yes, we need Mother back. I can't go get her of course, so it's up to you. It's perfect. You'll pretend you've learned your ways, and go back to the headquarters. When the time is right you'll retrieve Mother, and you'll come back to me. Then Kadaj, we can start all over. A new, fresh start."

I saw a glitter of light flicker across his eyes and I knew he was being completely serious. But, it did make sense; they'd allow me back in, whereas they wouldn't allow Father in there. "I'll do it," I promised, smiling at him.

Father's face turned grave once again. "You can't tell anyone about this, Kadaj. And I mean no one. You can't tell them where I am, or that I'm even still alive. You understand?" Father spoke with such a serious tone I began to tremble.

"Of course. That would ruin everything," I agreed. Father lay down with a exhausted sigh. He stared up at the ceiling.

"Good boy," He praised.


	11. Chapter 11

**Keely:**

As the water falls down on me, it cleanses. I take my shower to cleanse myself; I cleanse myself on the outside. But inside...

It doesn't mean the situation is clean.

As I dress myself I hear a clatter of silverware and plates downstairs. I can tell dinner is ready, but I feel almost about to throw up at even the idea of eating. The idea of eating with Lucy and Tifa. They'll ask questions...

I'm about to tell them I'm too sick. I don't feel up to it. Lucy's face appears downstairs just as I'm looking down them. "Come down, dinner's ready!" She says with a bright smile.

My scowl deepens. I had a wild thought of just throwing myself down the stairs; I'd break so many bones I wouldn't have to eat dinner. I finally decide not too and instead go down the stairs slowly.

The fist thing I noticed about the bar was that there was a heavy chain locking the front door. My heart and stomach sank all at once; What about Kadaj? If he tried coming back home, how would he come inside? He'd be freezing cold outside while he bangs and bangs on the door and nobody listens because we're all innocently having our beauty sleep.

"Salad?"

Tifa hovers above me with a wooden spoon in hand; the spoon was placed gently inside a bowl of salad. "Sure," I reply, thinking I should at least eat this. I didn't even notice I had sat down at the table.

Lucy smiles and goes to stand behind me. With her hands she gathers up all my long hair and starts lightly tugging and shifting through locks; I can tell she was braiding my hair.

"I'm so glad I got these days off from work," Lucy goes on to say. I didn't reply because I assumed she was talking to Tifa. "Now I can watch over Keely as much as I want." She chuckles.

I didn't find it funny. It all of a sudden occurred to me that the doctors could have told Lucy to watch me. I remembered I wasn't the only one in this experiment; it was easy to forget after all. It seemed only Kadaj and I went through some of the worst of it. Yazmin was still out in school and getting closer to college; Lucy worked and lived normally. I didn't see why I was so different. My right hand was gripping my salad fork; I pressed my thumb hard against the stem and it turned white with pressure.

It still shocks me what the doctors told me. It shocks, it hurts, it confuses...it brings out everything that I hate about me. I hate being confused. I hate getting hurt over this experiment. The worst part was I had to ask Kadaj to...Ugh, it was so unnatural and complicated, that I can't even think of it anymore. I try hard not to during the day, since it haunts me in my dreams practically every night since I found out. Maybe if I was ready, it would have been easier. But Kadaj and I are aren't really together again...Why did the doctors choose _me_...?

It's hard to explain. Not because it's even that complicated; just what I have to do in order to fulfill this stage of the experiment is pretty disturbing. I've thought about it a lot, and it might not even be that bad, plus it's not like I go to school anymore and everyone would know...

I feel someone's hand on mine and I gratefully take my mind off Kadaj and why I was sent here. Sure, I wanted to be at Cloud's house so I could see him again. I knew he'd come back here some time or other, and he couldn't stay where he had run too forever. He'd come back to me. But the good part was he didn't have to go all the way to headquarters because I was here waiting for him. Of course, I couldn't leave here anyway until I did what I promised I'd do. It's just a hard concept to grasp and hopefully it'll unravel itself as the incident occurs; if I even have the courage to pull it off.

"Are you feeling ok?" Lucy asked me.

I looked up at her and sighed. "Not really. I'm sort of sick," I told. I couldn't eat or sleep and I just wished Kadaj would hurry back here. It seems he's the only one that can put my soul at ease. "It's hard getting used to here after all my time at ShinRa," I lied.

Lucy gave me a small smile. "I'm sure you're loving the fact you're not stuck there anymore, for awhile at least," She replied. I nodded and the conversation went elsewhere. I picked at my salad and realized I hadn't eaten anything.

"I'm going to go sleep. Where are my pills?" I asked Lucy.

"In the kitchen, sweetie."

Before I got up to leave I snuck a look at her face. I could tell she was worried, but it's not like I could tell her what was wrong with me._ I_ didn't even know.

As the pills slid down my throat, and a rush of cold water followed after them, I actually thought I might be able to sleep that night. I brought the cup of water with me upstairs and into the room I was staying at.

As I shuffled down the hallway, an orphan's room door stood ajar. I passed it and noticed a little girl blissfully asleep whilst holding onto a stuffed bunny rabbit.

It got hard to swallow and everything that I felt nervous and anxious about came back to me, and it seemed my nerves tripled. I rushed to the bathroom, knowing I'd throw up the non existent dinner in my stomach. I crouched over the toilet seat but nothing came.

I felt tears coming and I was confused as to why I was feeling all this emotion and anxiety. Drinking some more of the water I brought, I felt a bit better. I headed back but this time I didn't look inside any other rooms.

♡♡

I stared up at the ceiling and felt Lucy's chest rise up and down from her breathing. I was laying on her, and we were on my bed. It was the next morning and I had a horrible time sleeping; Lucy had found me in tears when she walked in to wake me up.

It seemed the right time to talk, and there was no one else I'd rather talk too. Yazmin used to be the one I usually talked too, because our age difference wasn't too great. Lucy was young, but seemed to have different problems than me. Yazmin wasn't here though, but Lucy was, and I found this the most comforting thing in the world. To have my sisters by me almost any time I needed them was something I had taken for granted a lot before. I could have just as easily ended up like Kadaj, how he hardly sees his brothers. Even if, most of the time, that's his fault.

"I know you miss him," Lucy was murmuring just above my head, as she perched her chin on top of it. "He'll be back soon." We were talking about Kadaj of course and I had hardly said anything, but Lucy can usually read my mind.

"It's not just him," I told her after a moment. "There is a lot going on right now."

Lucy didn't question me much. Besides, I didn't know if I could even talk about everything without completely breaking down. That's exactly the opposite of what I wanted; Kadaj to come back and see me like this weak and defenseless person who lets stupid things get to her. I wasn't weak, but sometimes I just get pushed too far. I know it's bad to keep things bottled inside, but that's what my therapists are for back at the headquarters. I just had to wait a little bit more and soon, if I still had any trouble, I could just let go of all of it.

"Why can't you sleep, Keely?" Lucy asked me all of a sudden.

"My mind doesn't seem to rest. I'm thinking about too much," I replied to her. I closed my eyes and let out a long, satisfying sigh.

"What do you have so much to think about?"

I just shook my head. Something's are best kept inside, safe, inside my own mind. Where nothing can get repeated, or fall into the wrong hands...

I awoke with a start and hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep. Lucy wasn't with me anymore and I had curled up in my own bed. I had this anxious, panicky feeling you get when you accidentally fall asleep and awake to find you might have missed out on something.

I get out of bed and wonder for a moment if perhaps I am dreaming. My mind is suddenly clear and I wobble a bit as I walk towards the door. Slowly, I extend my hand to the door knob. Once I open the door everyone would know I was awake and there was no going back. Yet, I couldn't get more sleep even if I tried. My sleep deprived body would have to wait.

I padded down the stairs in my socks and just a long shirt. I found a note by Tifa and Lucy on the kitchen counter; they were going to the supermarket to restock on food. I sighed and felt strangely alone. The whole house was quiet. Tifa must have taken the orphans with her.

I walked over to the kitchen sink and ran the cool water over my sweaty, nervous hands. I decided to splash my face with some water too like everybody else does in the movies when they're stressed out. It didn't really help. If anything, it made me even more irritated because now my face was wet. I took a towel and dried myself off, and when I looked up from the towel was when I thought I saw somebody outside.

Tossing the towel back on the counter, I slowly made my way to the door in suspenseful silence. _It must be Lucy and Tifa_, I thought but I wasn't really sure why. I deliberately took my time and found myself even pushing the door open slowly. My heart was beating so fast and I was making myself excited deliberately, should it not even be Kadaj, whom I was waiting for this whole time...

But there he was. He had taken a seat on the porch steps and sat there, hunched over and leaning his arms against the tops of his knees. For a moment I thought I was sleeping and that this wasn't real. I saw myself out cold on top of the couch and knew that this must be the result of my not getting any sleep. I guess it just felt better playing along.

"Kadaj?"

He turned around and looked up at me. "Keely," Kadaj replied and it sounded like he was testing the name out. He then smiled wonderfully at me. It was such a smile, it was like one of those contagious ones; I couldn't help feeling the tugs from the corners of my lips, as they too displayed a reluctant smile, but only reluctant because I haven't smiled in awhile.

"You finally came," I said, walking closer to him as he stood up and remained at the bottom of the porch steps. I used the height advantage from the porch itself to beat his height. I smirked down at him.

"Happy to see me?" He wanted to know.

I didn't feel like replying, I just wanted to hug him and say "Yeah." I smiled still instead, and replied "Of course." I kept staring down at him and watched his brilliant green eyes twinkle up at me. _Something changed_, I noted. I wonder if it's good or bad.

"Sorry, this is bugging me." All of a sudden Kadaj picked me up and placed me down where he was at the bottom of the porch, so I was short now and he was the one that loomed over me.

"Hey!" I laughed.

"Nice shirt," Kadaj then commented and I looked down horrified at what I was wearing.

"Oh, whatever," I lightly punched him on the shoulder and hid how embarrassed I felt. But I wasn't really embarrassed anymore, I realized I was actually really happy. Happier than I've been in what's felt like forever. Kadaj and I were acting like how we used to when we were good friends, and nothing had ever troubled us. "Did you have fun, wherever you went?" I wondered.

"Sort of. It was more like a trip of discovery, not that much fun," Kadaj replied, and even though I was slightly confused and curious I laughed. Then he put on a perplexed expression and looked at me worriedly. "I missed you," He said uncertainly. It seemed he didn't know what to do about it and I was going to say I missed him back when he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a great hug.

I giggled at how random this was, yet how much it felt good to be back with him again. It was weird how something good was happening in the midst of all the bad. That was why it was so random. "I missed you too. That's why I came to Cloud's. I was waiting for you," I told him truthfully.

He squeezed me tight one last time and after I stopped laughing he smirked at me. "Where's everyone now?" He asked.

"Out," I replied mischievously. He was holding my hands and we were just sort of looking at each other in a soothing pause. It wasn't awkward at all; it felt so perfect, it was like the whole thing was planned, or scripted.

Without another word Kadaj lead me inside and let go once we got in. "Did you have anything with you?" I asked, and he shook his head, taking his jacket off.

"Nah, not really." He tossed the jacket over a chair and I wondered how I must look like; days without sleep, my hair probably all messed up, I was only in a long shirt for goodness sake...

"So I talked to my dad." Kadaj took a seat and I followed suit.

"And?" I wondered, surprised Kadaj had even found him. However I wasn't going to ask how.

"He's doing...fine. But I have to go back to headquarters soon, no matter how much I don't want too." Kadaj looked deeply sad and I reached over and held on to his hand. He looked up at me and said, "I think you should stay here, though. You're done with ShinRa, aren't you?"

I sighed and decided not to bring anything up yet. He had only arrived. "Sort of. I'm not sure if I have to go back or not," I explained vaguely.

"At least you're here now, and I'm here now. Free from the headquarters and everything else," Kadaj murmured solemnly and he squeezed my hand comfortingly.

"You have no idea how glad I am that you're finally back," I told him, and got him to look at me. I smiled. All of a sudden it was so easy to smile.

"Me too." His hands went up my arms smoothly and we kissed; long, and comforting. It felt both normal and surreal at the same time. Only he could make me feel that way.

"Having to run away without you was so horrible," Kadaj said after we stopped. All I could do was nod. It seemed he wanted to say something else but we were both hungry; he kissed me again and I lay back on the couch, wrapping my arms around his head. Things were going well and I was in heaven; but then I felt a searing pain on my arm and I couldn't help yelping.

Kadaj pulled his head back and looked at me worriedly. "What happened?"

I sat up and tugged my shirt sleeve down. "Nothing, you were just holding on to me too hard."

Kadaj raised an eyebrow and before I could stop him he pulled my shirt sleeve up. The big, nasty bruise there showed up for all the world to see. Kadaj sat back and demanded an explanation with the look he gave me.

"It's nothing, Kadaj. I ran into something one day," I told him. I was lying and felt bad. What happened to the happy make out session that was just going on? Why did stupid little things always have to mess everything up?

"You didn't run into anything, Keely. Who did that to you?"

"Nobody."

"Who?"

I wasn't even looking at him anymore. "Look, they just wanted to find out what happened..."

Kadaj stood up from the couch and I heard him walk alittle ways away. I sighed and rested my head in my hands, completely regretful of everything. _Why_ was this happening? I almost felt like crying. It wasn't fair that as soon as I have my Kadaj back, something happens to make him not want me anymore.

"Keely, what happened?" I heard Kadaj's voice wonder after awhile.

"They were really mad, _ok_?" I sputtered, standing up and finding that he had walked over to the bar's counter and had taken a seat there. I saw him instantly take notice of something right infront of him; I knew he didn't want to look at me.

"They were worked up and confused. They couldn't believe you had escaped. What did you think Kadaj? That they'd forget I existed and try to work things out by themselves? They knew I was the only one who would have known," I tried to explain. It wasn't that big of a deal, if anything Kadaj should be proud and happy that I protected him. Now I realized what a loser I was for doing so. I do so much for him and practically get nothing in return.

"Loz was right," Kadaj muttered.

"What?" I asked.

Kadaj shook his head. "Look, I understand that they would have came to you for information. But if you told them you didn't know anything...Why would they...?"

"They obviously thought I was lying," I grumbled.

"Did you tell them where I went?" Kadaj's eyes finally met mine.

"What do _you _think?" I wondered in annoyance, pulling up my t-shirt sleeve even more. More of my bruises were exposed. Kadaj leapt down from the counter and came closer to me. A single tear escaped by accident but I didn't bother wiping it away. "Besides, it's not like I knew anything anyway...," I murmured accusingly.

"I didn't mean to just...Look, _I _didn't even know what was going on, alright? I just can't believe they'd...This is horrible. And it's all my fault. Why did you stand up for me? You should have just told them I'd be here or something," Kadaj fretted.

I managed to give him a weak smile. "I would never just turn you in like that. I can handle this..."

Kadaj looked as if he was going to say something. But we were interrupted by voices nearing the bar. "It's probably Tifa and my sister. I think-" I started but Kadaj cut me off.

"I think we should take this upstairs. C'mon, I don't exactly want them to know I'm here," He muttered. We took off up the stairs and I let him in my room, locking the door behind me. I felt a feeling of thrill all of a sudden which stupid of me because none of this was thrilling.

Kadaj had taken a seat to the bed and was scratching his head, appearing very perplexed. All of a sudden I felt a wave of exhaustion. "I'm so over this," I wailed. I sat down next to him. "I can't deal with it, honestly. I don't even care that it's too late I just want it to end."

"I know. I know, and I have a plan," Kadaj suddenly murmured. I couldn't help it and I lay my head against his shoulder. I was that tired.

"Won't you tell me it?"

"In time," Kadaj promised, putting his arm around me comfortingly. "In the meantime, all I can think about is giving those people a good piece of my mind about what they did to you."

"It's not a big deal," I pressed.

"Yes, Keely, it is. They tortured you and I'm not having them torture any of us anymore..."

I lay back down on the bed, my eyes closed for I simply couldn't hold them open any longer. "I did it for you, Kadaj. And I'd do it again. And again, and again, and-" I was rambling, practically half asleep.

Kadaj lay down next to me and kissed my neck softly before kissing me softly, too. "I"m sure you would," He said, and I heard the smirk in his voice despite our horrid situation. "But it's still not right. Even if you're willing, it doesn't make it right."

"Yeah, but I just wish you wouldn't worry about me so much," I mumbled, almost falling asleep now.

I barely heard Kadaj as he replied.

"I have too Keely. I'm the only one who does. You have to worry about the ones you love."

I wasn't even sure I caught that last part (did he say _love_?) but I smiled anyway, and just before drifting off I remember my thoughts quite clearly.

_I'll make it up to him...and prove to him my feelings...and show him that all this doesn't matter...as soon as I can. When I'm awake. Maybe tonight. _

And the thought of what the evil doctors at _ShinRa_ had asked me to do haunted me soon after that and later in my dreams.


	12. Chapter 12

**Keely:**

"Tifa?"

I opened the backyard door slowly, and instantly spotted Tifa sitting on an old swing with the orphans. Some were running around and yelling happily, while others swung and talked with Tifa.

"Oh, good morning Keely!" Tifa laughed, poking fun at me. It was almost five in the afternoon, but my sleeping habits were no longer normal. I managed a small smile even though I thought that it wasn't a laughing matter.

"Hey, I was wondering if you could give me a lift to the...um, supermarket?" I wondered, rocking back and forth on my heels. I pursed my lips and waited as she thought it over.

"Oh, gee, I can't! Cloud's supposed to be coming over today, and well-"

"Oh! Say no more. It's fine. Mind if I call one of my sister's then?" I cut in, realizing immediately that Tifa would not like to miss out on a chance of welcoming Cloud back from wherever he goes.

"Sure," Tifa replied, smiling warmly.

"Oh, hey, when exactly is Cloud coming...?"

"He should be dropping by soon. Why?" Tifa asked, and an orphan boy with reddish hair ran to her and she placed a hand on his head.

"Well, um...Can you keep a secret?" I whispered.

"I can! I can!" The boy cried excitedly.

Tifa laughed and shushed him, but turned serious when she looked back up at me. "Sure, Keely...As long as it's not something dangerous, or anything."

"Oh, no, no! It's just...Well, Kadaj is here. He came back." I wasn't looking at her when I said this, I was looking worriedly down at the ground and wondering how she'd take it. But when I managed to look back into her ruby eyes, they seemed to be glittering.

"I see. You don't want me to tell Cloud."

"Well...Yeah, basically," I laughed nervously, scratching the back of my neck.

Tifa gave me a small smile, but she was still serious. "I'm not sure. That's a pretty big deal. I don't think Cloud knows Kadaj ran away, and he'd want Kadaj back at the headquarters."

"Yeah, exactly. But it's not for long. Two days, tops. We'll be gone before you know it," Keely reassured.

"'We'?" Tifa wondered curiously.

"Or, well, him. But I'm not sure yet if I'm going back with him to headquarters. Most likely though," I explained.

"Ok...two days, alright? Otherwise, I'm not quite sure how Cloud would take it if he knew," Tifa told her.

"Yes, I know. Oh, thank you-thank you-thank you!" Keely gave Tifa a huge hug.

Tifa laughed. "Well, why don't you call your sisters? I'll be out here if you need me."

"Right, good idea. Thanks again!" I waved as I went back inside the house. I jumped when I saw Kadaj leaning against the bar counter, looking at me curiously.

"What was that about?" He wondered casually.

"Oh, just asking for a lift to the market. But I have to ask my sisters, Tifa can't," I summarized for him as I headed towards the phone and began dialing.

"The market? What for?" He asked, but I shushed him as I waited for someone to pick up.

"Hello?" It was Yazmin.

"Yaz! Hey, it's Keely," I greeted.

"Keels! Long time no see! So what's up, girl?" Yazmin wondered.

"Not that much. But I was wondering, if you weren't busy that is, if you could give me a lift to the drug store or something?" I asked her. I glanced at Kadaj from the corner of my eye and he mouthed "Drugstore?" to himself with a puzzled expression.

"Um, sure, I've got some time. You at Cloud's or what?" Yazmin wanted to know.

"Yes! Yes, I'm at Cloud's. Ok. See you soon, bye," I hung up and Kadaj walked towards me.

"Alright, so now I'm really confused. What's going on?" He asked.

I sighed. It was such a long, disturbing story. Plus, I truly felt this was not the time to explain such things. I'd rather, well, show him rather than tell. "Look, I can't explain now. But listen up; Cloud's coming back today, and he doesn't know you ran away. I told Tifa to keep you a secret, but we only have two days. You can't be roaming around the house often, ok?" I told him. Kadaj nodded in understanding. Then he gave me a hug, and I was slightly taken aback. "What was that for?"

"For helping me. It hadn't crossed my mind that Cloud didn't know about...well, me. Thanks," Kadaj gave me one of his rare smiles and I felt somewhat special, knowing I was one of the few who ever received them.

After awhile, I heard Yazmin's car pull up on the driveway. "It's Yazmin! I gotta go." I gave Kadaj a quick kiss on the lips and sprinted towards the door.

Kadaj was still standing there, slightly confused still. I felt bad but he'd figure it all out soon. "So, am I just supposed to go into hiding in your room?" He wondered before I closed the door after.

"Yeah, pretty much," I grinned back at him and after waving, I closed the door and turned towards Yazmin who was waiting in her car. I got inside.

"Hey, Keely! So, we off to the drug store?" Yazmin wondered.

"Um, scratch that. Let's go to the mall instead," I told her. She laughed and shook her head.

"My, my, you are quite fickle today. Alright, I'll take you, just because I haven't seen you in awhile _and _because you're my baby sister."

I chuckled. "Thanks, Yaz." I looked over at her and noticed that if I hadn't known about the experiment's effects, I wouldn't have recognized her at all. Her hair had turned _very_ blonde; not a trace of silver anymore. And just before slipping her own sunglasses on, I saw that her eyes were a very pretty and deep sky blue; there wasn't a hint of greenish glow to them, and the pupils were very normal sized.

All of a sudden I had a wave of envy engulf me. I had to pay dearly and work hard for my hair to color as hers has; but I speeded up the process, which I think would have taken forever had I not found out about those shots. But my eyes...they were still the same. This wasn't the first time, as I sat in that car watching the city scenes zoom by, that I haven't wondered why I took so much longer to cure. _It seems I'll never know the answer_, I thought.

Yazmin pulled into the mall parking lot and we were soon inside. The general buzz of passing conversations and the blur of passing stores got me suddenly dizzy and I forgot what I came here to do.

"So...where first?" Yazmin wondered, breaking the trance.

"Oh, right. Do you mind if I shop alone?"

The words tumbled out before I thought about them. Yazmin had driven me all the way here, and I was most likely going to use her money...she had every right to come with me. I wasn't just going to ditch her. But I didn't want to go through the questions...the embarrassment...

"Um, sure?...Do you need money, or...um, something...," Yazmin kept trailing off, probably in confusion, as she perused through her purse looking for her wallet.

I pinched myself, feeling bad, feeling horrible, feeling like I was going to throw up. But too late, there really wasn't no turning back now. Yazmin handed me her credit card. She looked nonchalant, but I gave her an apologetic smile none the less as I picked it from her hand.

"How about we meet in the food court in an hour? We'll shop more then. I just gotta...do something by myself," I suggested.

"Sure. Sounds fine." Yazmin gave me a motherly smile, not the first, and walked away. I felt guilty but couldn't do anything about it.

Walking through the mall, passing various stores, I wondered where I should go. I tried my best to hide beneath my big black sweatshirt. I didn't want to be recognized. I didn't want people to even look at me, but that couldn't be helped. Here was a girl who seemed to have gone so far down this horrible road that she couldn't be the same person again. But what did everyone else know? All they saw was a pale teenager in a black sweatshirt, her hair tied in a messy ponytail. I wore simple clothing and wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary.

Nobody would have guessed.

They didn't know that my mind was my own torture device, fashioned out of thoughts that shouldn't trouble people my age. Why couldn't I be worrying about what I should wear to school or what should I do this weekend? No, it's not that simple. I _had_ to be different.

Maybe I shouldn't of have ever considered the experiment. Maybe I should have just gone through life as normally as I could, looking the way I did. But I just had to be so vain. I just had to care so much about what I looked like, I got myself in this mess. I got my family in this huge, disgusting mess with pile after pile of troubles. Nobody could get out. We were all stuck and it was all my fault.

Now ShinRa practically owned us and never let us escape. They're making me do horrible things and I can't do anything about it, not one thing, I'm their little guinea pig. Their little puppet.

All over again.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck_, I thought to myself as I tried to stop thinking about _that_ again. I had to keep moving. I had probably passed a million stores that could have served my purpose. But here I was thinking again...

Whatever. I walked in to a store and tried not to look like I was robbing the place. With the big black hoodie and my trouble expression, who knew what everyone thought.

She's probably on drugs.

She's a high school drop out looking for trouble.

She doesn't have any money, she's planning to steal.

I heard the voices but I knew they were in my head. Before I turned completely insane I located the part of the store I wanted.

"May I help you, Miss?"

I jumped and saw that a store clerk had approached me. "Oh, no, I'm good." I gave her a feeble smile. She gave me a worried look but walked away. I let out a breath and fumbled through the different bras infront of me.

_What the heck, I'm not a grandmother_, I thought as I realized I was looking through some pretty hideous things.

_Not yet you're not_, something horrible and bitchy said inside me.

Great, now I'm talking to myself too. What else is wrong with me? I walked away from the rack and looked around. My size was just over there. I walked over, for some reason feeling everyone in the store's eyes on me.

I shifted through some black bras. My favorite color was black. I think Kadaj liked black too. This one's too see through; this one's too lacy.

My face began to turn red whenever someone walked by. I picked one up and thought it decent, and then I practically sprinted to the underwear section. I knew I was being stupid but I couldn't help it. It was very, very nerve wracking.

When I was done I wanted to try some of the stuff on first before I bought it. I barely even made eye contact with the dressing room lady. When I was in the small dressing room, I took all my clothes off and stood naked infront of the mirror for a second.

_I wish I had a bigger butt_, I thought. I _definitely_ wished I wasn't so pale. I slipped on a thong I picked out and instantly took it off. It looked ridiculous. It was uncomfortable. I don't know who invented those.

Maybe I should just be naked in the first place. Save a lot of time. But that's not exactly how I pictured it. Whatever, next one...

When I chose the set I wanted I walked slowly to the register. I only had ten minutes until I was supposed to meet up with Yazmin, and I didn't want to be late. I hated standing in that line, though. I dreaded the look on the register lady. I dreaded the imaginary looks everyone was giving me now.

* * *

He'd be here any minute now. I splashed a cloud of perfume on me before unrolling my hair from the hot hair rollers; my newly formed curls spiraled down and landed perfectly everywhere about me. I looked pretty for once, but I didn't look like myself. But, that was all part of the plan. Tonight I wasn't going to be me. I'm going to be this girl with no feeling, the girl made of glass.

I walked to the bed and lay down, suddenly unaware of my hair and wrapping my arms around my head. I rubbed my legs against the sheets and felt their softness, felt the softness against my face. I wished I could stay in this position forever.

The door opens and Kadaj steps in. He looks taken aback, maybe even a little scared, but mostly confused. When I looked up at him I didn't say anything at first. I took him in. My stomach wrenched in the pain from the nerves. I realized I wasn't breathing.

"Keely...Um..." Kadaj tried to talk but I could tell nothing was coming out.

"It's alright," I found myself saying. This girl's voice didn't even sound like mine's. But, that was alright, because this wasn't me anyway. I was watching this girl from outside; I was watching her sprawled there on the bed, naked except for a bra and underwear, her hair all done up and her skin soft from lotions she had bought a long, long time ago when she had once lived a normal life. Even though I was outside, I could smell the sweet musk of her perfume, I could smell it so vividly that I almost got dizzy from it. I watched her still, I watched and waited to see what she'd do.

"How was the mall?" Kadaj wondered stupidly.

"It was fine." The girl's glowing green eyes shone brightly as she watched him. Even from outside, from where I stood just beyond where this event was taking place, I could tell she loved him. She loved him _so_ much, I could feel it. I guess that's why she was pulling through with it; she loved him so much anyway, it wouldn't matter. She was doing this deed for all the wrong reasons, but at least love can be part of the equation.

Kadaj surprised me as he stepped forward a little ways so he could shut the door. From my place outside I could hear the faint tick of the door locking. My stomach was almost doubling over from the pain. I didn't understand where it was coming from, this pain; I was an outsider looking in, watching. Why was I feeling what this girl was feeling? I shouldn't be connected to her.

"Why are you doing this?" Kadaj asked so softly it was almost inaudible.

The girl didn't reply. She waved him forward with a delicate motion of her hand. Kadaj couldn't help walking towards her. I saw the lights dance in his eyes, I saw every emotion splayed across those eyes from my point of view.

The girl forgot her position. She forgot who she was, and where she was, as was custom whenever she was around this boy. In spite of what she was planning to do, she laughed and smiled at him. She made it seem like a game to help restrain the innocence perhaps just a little while longer.

And all of a sudden, while I stood there watching from the outside, the event began to take place. It was gradual, it was perfectly scripted. After kissing him passionately, the girl began to take Kadaj's shirt off.

"Wait," Kadaj held her hands fast.

"What?" She looked up at him, her cat like pupils widening slightly only from sheer emotion.

"Why are you doing this? You never answered. I wanna know what...," Kadaj started, but didn't really finish.

The girl shook her head. Perhaps she'd explain later. Like in the morning.

But Kadaj held fast to her hands so she couldn't do much. From where I was watching him and the girl of glass interact, I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I wasn't a mind reader, but when people don't talk, you must only watch their movements. Kadaj wasn't moving though; he was looking deep into the eyes that reflected his own.

"What made you want to do this?"

The girl looked away, looked towards the window. "Why does it matter," She murmured.

"Because," Kadaj persisted. He wasn't implying in anyway that he didn't love her back just as much as she loved him; it was clear that he wanted to make love to her, or else he would have not have gone as far as closing the door and joining her on the bed. But Kadaj didn't do things without meaning, he over analyzes everything, and he always needs to get the facts right. He hates being late to anything he ever does, for some reason onions don't make him cry, and one time he told me he's run away from home for two days in a row when he was seven years old. He used to enjoy music and writing poetry, he used to love watching fountains and water.

How do I know all this?

I suppose it was because I was the girl he was staring at now with those intense eyes. I didn't want to return to my old self, I didn't want to all of a sudden become the girl I had been watching so closely up until now. I know all those things because I've known Kadaj all my life and I have always loved him. So why can't I tell him the simple truth? I've been able to tell him everything else.

"It doesn't matter right now," I kept saying as if to even convince myself. I started kissing him again and at first he let his guard down, but he kept stopping to look at me and it seemed my nerves tripled.

"This has nothing to do with your sisters?" Kadaj wondered as his hands massaged my arms and stomach.

I smirked from his touch but shook my head at the same time. "No," I told him.

Kadaj lay me down and kissed my neck a few times. I closed my eyes and felt him above me instead. "This has nothing to do with Nate?"

I opened my eyes and saw that he was watching me closely. "No, of course not," I replied confused. I knew though that he was trying to figure out what my motivation was.

"What is this scar running across your neck?"

I fingered the spot just under my jaw where a vague scar runs across. I had noticed this earlier, I think at the headquarters. I don't remember what happened or how I got it.

"I don't remember. It happened a long time ago," I replied, slightly impatient. I shut him up by kissing him hungrily, turning him over so I straddled him on the bed. He looked up at me with a wry smile and raised eyebrows. "What?!" I cried out.

"You're pretty when you're mad," He told me.

"Good. So do it with me. Do it, now," I almost begged him.

"Why?"

"Because...Because we love each other," I replied in an obvious tone. "Isn't that enough?"

"Sure. But why now?"

"Kadaj, you're a true buzz kill, did you know that?"

He gives me a small smile and disregards my ever growing scowl. _The plan isn't working_. What was it? What did I have to do to get this damn mission _over _with? Honestly, I didn't think it would take this long. I didn't even think I'd _have _to think. I assumed it was just going to happen.

"Keely, I remember something. I remember you hurt me a while ago," Kadaj suddenly told me. I looked down at him. I was still gripping on to his shoulders for balance, my legs wrapped around his waist and my butt on his crotch. _What the fuck? _I cried in my head.

"What are you talking about?" I replied to him, but tried to ignore the sudden flashbacks crossing through my mind.

"You know. That's why I'm not completely sure about this. I don't think I've fully recovered from that hurt," Kadaj was saying.

"So, what? You're saying you don't trust me anymore?" I half murmured. All of a sudden I realized that if Kadaj knew the real reason I was trying to have sex with him, I'd be screwed for life. He'd never, _ever_ trust me again. So as I stared blankly at the wall, I tried to figure out if all this was really worth it. The truth was that when you break it down, what I was doing was right. By a slow and slightly disturbing process, what the scientists at the headquarters have told me all makes sense. This was the only way I could be used to save mankind, as weird as it sounds.

"I'm not saying I don't trust you. I honestly just don't think you're ready," Kadaj's voice broke into my thoughts.

"You can't say what I am and am not ready for," I tried hard not to snap at him.

"Yes I can," Kadaj replied softly, flipping some hair off my shoulder away. "I know you."

"If you knew me, you'd know I wouldn't be doing this for any silly little reason," I said, smirking. He let my hands crawl under his shirt and feel his chest. He then let me take off his shirt. Was it working? What happened?

It didn't really matter now, though. All of a sudden I was back in the mood, maybe more so than before. Kadaj had a change of heart and he was the one kissing me now and taking whatever I had left on off. I did the same back to him.

And then it was happening, and Kadaj was kissing my chest and I was reclining back in the pillow. While kissing me he suddenly murmurs, "You better not be lying to me."

This made my stomach clench for a second but I paid no mind. In the end, he'd thank me. In the end I know deep down that he'd understand. "Don't worry," I told him between small gasps of air. I swallowed, bit my lip. _Right_, I convinced myself again, then again, then again.

_He'd understand, he'd understand_. "Good," He replied.

"Don't worry," I continued for good measure, "We're saving the world, baby."


	13. Chapter 13

**Kadaj:**

Keely is…horrible. She's wonderful, terrifying. Liberating, thrilling. She's sad…but my ecstasy, my peace. I hold her in my arms and figure that if in the end, everyone turns against me…in the end, should I have made the wrong choice, the only thing I'm sure of is that Keely was always there. She was the right choice, no matter what. It hurts with every heartbeat when through my body I feel a chill come over me when I look at her face. I remember what she did…but what would the world be if there wasn't such a thing as second chances?

I'm going to tell Keely everything. From now on, there will be no secrets. I'm done with secrets and I'm done with any sort of manipulation. If Keely and I are real with each other…nothing else will matter. At least she won't be the first thing to blame, to hate.

I know Father said I couldn't tell anyone. But the truth is, I much rather someone else know other than me just incase…just incase something happens to me.

"Keely," I say her name. I shake her awake, and her big, beautiful eyes look up at me. I never understood why she hated our eyes…they were different, but they were so enticing.

"Kadaj," She replies, closing her eyes and turning over. I saw her smile before she turned over, though. "You sure know how to tire a girl out."

I put on a small smile and patted her head. I wanted to tell her my plan. I needed her to wake up. "I need to tell you something," I told her, resting my head on her arm.

"What?" She murmured sleepily.

"I saw Father."

At those words, Keely's eyes opened wide and she sat up, accidentally hitting my head. I sat up too and started to rub my forehead, looking at her with one eye open. "I did it. I saw him. He talked to me."

"Kadaj!" Keely looked at me, frightened. "Why would you do that?"

"Because…trust me. Keely, I need you to trust me. Now so more than ever," I reply.

"I do trust you. You're the one who doesn't trust me," She murmured, burying her head in her arms. I noticed her hair was all messed up, after she had worked so hard to make it look pretty last night. Last night…it had been so wonderful. I saw last night all over her eyes. Maybe…maybe she was too tired. Maybe I should have told her later.

No matter. I had to get it off my chest.

"Listen closely. I love you," I told her, and she looked at me, her eyes searching my face. "I'm not lying," I added. "I love you and I trust you now…because I need to tell you what Father has planned for me. And you need to help me, you need to be a part of it…it wouldn't be the same without you. I need you."

"Just…damn it Kadaj, just tell me," Keely grumbled tiredly. She began to sniff. I hoped she wasn't going to cry.

"Father has-," I started.

"It's Sephiroth, Kadaj. His fucking name is Sephiroth," Keely snapped. "Just say his name."

"I can't. His name is Father to me. That's just what I'm meant to say," I told her, rubbing her back. I hoped she would understand.

"Whatever. Continue," Keely ordered.

"I'm going back to the headquarters. I'm going to retrieve Mother. I'm going to go back to Father, and give him Mother. We're going to start over. I want you to help me and I want you to start over with me," I told her all in one breath. It felt so good letting it out.

"I don't understand. What am I supposed to do?" She wondered.

"I'm going to bring you to Father. He'll care for you and tell you the plan, while I go retrieve Mother," I tell her, the plan forming in my mind. Yes, yes. This would work.

"Are you fucking serious? I'm not going to be with that…that monster while you're gone. No way. No fucking way," Keely got up, wrapping the bed sheet around her. She walked to the bathroom and shut the door.

I sighed and rested my head on the pillow. Why can't she do this? What's holding her back?

A few moments later, Keely returns. She has cleaned herself up, put her hair in a ponytail, and was dressed in day clothes. She looked ready to leave. "Where are you going?" I asked, sitting up.

"I'm not sure," She replied with a determined air. "I need to take a walk. I need to think." She opened the door and left. A minute later she came back, telling me that Cloud is here and that I better not leave the room. She left again, shutting the door loudly.

* * *

I was having my doubts. I was thinking that if Keely didn't go with me, I would never see her again. I was trying to tell myself it'd be ok if that happened. Then I would be ok with it, it was totally fine. Moments later I'd frown deeply among my thoughts, realizing that no, it wouldn't. There was something about her. We were attached, and it didn't matter what happened or how far she was. She would never leave my life, or my mind. There just had to be a way she could join Father and I.

She wasn't budging. It's been a few months since that night, that morning. Cloud came and went, never knowing I was at his house. This was lucky. For he would have sent me to the headquarters immediately, and I would have started my plan too early. Not knowing, whether Keely would be there in it with me or not.

I was free to roam the house. Tifa and the orphans had already known I was there. Tifa didn't understand what was going on. "All I know, is that if you need a place to stay, I'm here. And this house is here. Whenever you want," She always said.

I was sitting downstairs with Keely. She was sitting there, on a rocking chair, rocking back and forth. She always looked worried, looked as if there was something on her mind. That something didn't seem pleasant, though. She was always thinking, always to herself. I figured once we were together things would be sort of back to normal. We'd be actually _together_. I thought I'd be able to kiss her and hug her whenever I wanted. And sometimes she did, she let me kiss her good night and she let me hug her. But it wasn't the same. It seemed like I wasn't making her happy.

I figured she was worried about me. She was worried about my plan. She didn't like Father, I knew he scared her. She had every right to be scared. So, I didn't mind her silence. I was there though, for her, if she ever felt she needed to talk or finally release what she's holding back.

I sat there, staring out the window. I heard Keely rocking back and forth. Tifa was out with orphans, we were house sitting. I looked at Keely. She looked peaceful, but still, sort of worried, like always. I almost asked her if maybe we could make love again, if that would make her happy. But I don't know how she'd react to that, and I didn't want to take any chances. I thought about it though. And I kept thinking about it, until Keely suddenly ran out of the room.

I heard her puking in the bathroom. Then I heard her stifle a sob. Then I head the door slam.

* * *

"I'll do it," She told me a month later. "I'll go to him. But you need to promise, _promise_ me Kadaj, that you'll come back."

Keely was standing in our bedroom. I was laying on the bed, staring up at her. She was wearing only a large t-shirt. Her stomach had grown by now, but it wasn't that big. I knew what was going on. I knew what had happened. I didn't feel anything about it though, I'm not sure why. A part of me was happy. Another part of me was confused. A greater part of me was sad, because this baby was making Keely miserable.

Her hair had started to turn silver again. Right now, it looked like it had happened naturally, as if due to old age. But Keely was no where near old age, which was why it looked funny. I never told her that though, because I knew how much Keely cared about her hair. The first silver hair strand she saw, she freaked out. I remember running up the stairs, thinking the worst, and finally seeing her stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom. She had a look of horror on her face.

"Not again," She had sobbed.

We concluded it was because of the pregnancy. Also, Keely and I hadn't been experimented on or taken any sort of drugs from the headquarters in a long time. I assumed we were returning back to normal. It has been awhile after all since we'd even gone in there.

But that was going to change. Keely gave me the green light. She was going to Father, and I would return there, and fetch Mother. My plan was going as expected, it just had taken awhile. Now, I had to figure out how I was going to escape safely again. Who knew how long that would take? I didn't want to leave Keely with Father for that long. Everything was resting on my shoulders.

"Don't worry, I'll try my best," I told her. Keely was always emotional, probably because of the baby. She walked over to me and crumpled on the bed, crying. I held her close and told her she'd be ok. Father wasn't going to hurt her.

"Let's just get it over with," She murmured.

* * *

We had simply told Tifa that we were going to try and find Keely's sisters. I'm not really sure what we said actually, but Tifa told us to be careful. She didn't know about Keely's condition. We didn't want anyone to know.

On our trip to Father, Keely suddenly started talking. I was relieved. I wanted to know what was going on in her head. At first, she was complaining that we had to do this.

"How do you even know he's still where he was when you saw him? It's been months," She whined.

"He would have let me know somehow if he moved or changed plans," I told her gently. She sighed, I knew walking was horrid for her. I held her hand and we pressed on.

"I'm only doing this for you," She said. "I want to make you happy." I smiled at her, letting her know she was kind. Letting her know I appreciated her. Letting her know I loved her.

We were halfway there when Keely told me everything. I assumed she couldn't keep it in any longer. I had known all along there was something, _something _she wasn't telling me. I wasn't sure after though, if I had wanted to know.

She told me she didn't run away from the headquarters. They had let her go. They had let her go…on account that she needed to have the baby. When she told me that I had stopped walking.

"They wanted…they _wanted_ me to be pregnant, Kadaj," She sniffed, tears already forming. _They're sick, they're sick_, I thought. I was so angry. Keely didn't want this to have been an accident, blossomed from love. It was all planned. Everything.

"Why? Why are they doing this to you?" I cried.

"They have a plan. They want to get rid of Sephiroth," She told me. My stomach sank and I couldn't remember how to breathe. What was she telling me? What was she _thinking_? "They want to create someone…and train them…to defeat Sephiroth. They know it's going to take years, but, they figured they should at least try before the world ends. And they picked me. They picked me," Keely started to cry uncontrollably. This time though, I didn't want to comfort her.

"No wonder you didn't want to see Father!" I yelled out. "You want to destroy him, like the rest of them!"

"Kadaj, you don't know what you're thinking. You don't know what you're _doing_. Don't you remember? Don't you remember how evil he is?" Keely pleaded.

"I don't care! Things are different now. I can feel it…he's not the same. How can you have done this?"

"I'm sorry. I knew you'd freak out. You are turning back to him, but you're not supposed to. I was hoping you'd go with me," Keely said, wiping her tears. She stared at me intently.

I didn't know what to say. Here I am, choosing sides again. When was this going to end? I felt strongly about Father, felt that I needed to help him. But Keely has gotten herself in this mess now. The only thing to do was calm her down, and tell her everything would be ok. They can't do anything to that baby as long as it's still inside her. They told her they would train the baby…make the baby just as powerful as Father, if not more. To kill Father. To end this mess. If I convinced her I was with her for now, maybe once the baby was born she would change minds. But…

Maybe it was a good idea after all. To go against Father again. Actually, I didn't know what to do, or who to turn to. Everyone could be lying. Everyone could be fooling me. But this has happened before…and the worst part? There's no second chance with this. I knew, right then and there, that as soon as I chose, that would be it. Someone I loved would have to die.

It was just my choice on who that person would be.

* * *

Keely tried to explain more about her situation to the best of her ability. Things were awkward now. We were still traveling towards Father, actually, I had just about found his hideout, but things had turned ugly. Keely was a mess herself, trying to convince me to side with her, be with her and the baby, be with her when we turned the baby in to ShinRa and help them make an equally as powerful and disastrous human as father. It sounded like it was for a good cause, but at the same time, it sounded like the worst idea ever. The world didn't need another villain. And one just like Father? Even worse.

At the same time, I tried to tell her to forget about them. Them being, whoever convinced her to do this. Those sick people. I told her to join me and Father. We'd keep the baby, but just leave him or her to be what they were supposed to be: our child. We'd care for it, and figure something out. We weren't though, going to turn the child in. No way. I tried to convince her to be done with all the science bullshit.

She also didn't know who to turn to, and what to do. We were both lost. I was trapped, and she was trapped. But we were in different mazes.

Father wasn't happy when we neared his camp out. He didn't want Keely here, but that I had already known. Bringing her here was just an attempt to maybe, maybe bring the two worlds that I belong to together.

"Kadaj. How could you have disobeyed me?" He said. Keely hid behind me. She was shaking. I stood up to Father.

"It's fine. Everything is different now. Keely is with us, she's not going to tell anyone. I was hoping she could help. All of us in it together," I replied.

Father grunted. "You don't remember do you? That bitch almost had you killed. Almost had me killed. She's the reason Mother is gone!"

"I know. But like I said, things are different now. She's one of us," I lied. I felt like I was lying anyway. Keely hadn't come to the decision yet, whether or not she was on Father's side, or ShinRa's side. We both came to the conclusion that none of it would matter until the baby was born, anyway. So she decided to be neutral. I determined to help Father for now, and decide later, even if maybe by helping now I was already deciding.

"Ok so what is she doing here?" Father growled.

"I didn't want her at risk of being caught. I was hoping you could care for her while I go get Mother," I told him, my head down. I hated disobeying him and telling him what to do.

Father didn't say a word. He walked back to the cave. Instantly, Keely whirled around and held me. "I can't, I can't do this," She cried. "He's going to kill me. Just take me with you. I can't be here alone!"

"He won't hurt you," I reminded her.

"How do you know?!" She demanded.

"I just know," I told her firmly. I kissed her, and then gave her a reassuring hug. "I'll be back. If you must, just try running away. You know how to get back. Run away, but don't come looking for me. At the most, stay at Cloud's house."

She nodded and I knew she would probably try running away. But I couldn't bring her with me, I knew that. We had walked all the way here, and there was a greater chance I'd get caught if she was following me around in the headquarters.

She looked up at me one last time. "I love you. Hurry back. Please," She whimpered. I nodded and told her I would. One last kiss, and I walked away. I didn't look back. I couldn't, or else I'd start doubting my decision.

I'm not sure what I'm doing is right. I'm not sure if it was the best decision, or the best mistake. I just have to try. Try and figure things out, and see where they go from there. All I know is, the world is fucked up right now. And it seems, to me anyway, that the conclusion of everyone's problems, everyone's lives, is depending entirely on me.

That was the world's biggest mistake, trusting me.


End file.
